So the other night by way of a series of unanticipated events I happened to meet the CEO (and her family) of a particularly large prestigious company. She kindly offered to let me e-mail her some questions about something and I wanted to ask for your advice on a couple things:
She was with her husband and kids when I met her and so I’m uncertain how to address the e-mail. Mrs is technically correct (is it not?) but seems horribly inappropriate. I think first name is out of the question as we only talked for a few minutes and she is twice my age. So my intuition says Ms. is the most appropriate but by virtue of her being married it is also not correct. The WSJ & Forbes both use Ms.
When writing/emailing someone who can be sure will have their assistant actually handling the e-mail, does one still pretend they are writing the addressee directly?
Thanks Blake. I had a feeling you were right about the Ms., but would you care to expand upon the rationale? Or is it simply just the standard appropriate salutation for this situation?
Ms. is appropriate for women whether married or unmarried. Miss would not be appropriate, because she is married. Mrs. could be appropriate, but she could not like it. Ms. is the safest, most professional choice.
Very few women, are going to be offended by Ms. I think it’s safe to say that not a single CEO is *ever *going to be offended by it. Moreover it’s always perfectly accurate.
In contrast, some women will be offended by Mrs, even if married, because it implies subordination to their husband and defines them by their relationship status.
Additionally, it’s very easy to be wrong when using Mrs. It’s entirely possible that she never refers to herself as Mrs, or never in a professional capacity. If you refer to her that way, it’s a bit of a fox paws. You may also have misunderstood her marital status. Maybe she referred to the man she was with as her partner, or the father of her kids, maybe she said she was married and you assumed the man she was with was her husband, when she is in fact married to a woman. I’m not sure if this is possible in this specific case, but we’ve all made mistakes like this in the past, and if you are trying to make a good impression it’s better to play it safe.
All else aside, it’s just good manners to refer to someone in a neutral manner until you are given permission to do otherwise.
'course, I’ve come across old fashioned women who are terribly proud of being Mrs. and take offence at new fangled terms like Ms. that do not recognise their important status as a Married Women. I haven’t come across that in a long time, and I don’t think that sort of person is likely to be a CEO.
I know a very successful businesswoman who bristles at not being called Mrs So and So. Which us why I always have the salutation as “Dear Ma’am”. Cannot wrong there.
I like the way one of my old bosses handled one annoyed harpy, “if I thought you were your husbands property, I would have mailed him not you”.
I would agree with this, if the OP hadn’t already met the CEO. I also remember being ticked off by a someone I was applying to for my first graduate job for using ‘Sir’ and not going to the effort of finding out their actual name. You can’t win with some.
I have certainly met women, even young ones, who don’t like ‘Ms’, but as someone said up thread, a CEO is unlikely to be upset by a term specifically designed to avoid making assumptions about marital status.
It is implicit in many of the replies, but to make it explicit:
Ms. is not an abbreviation for Miss, so the OP is incorrect when saying that it would be improper to use it if the addressee is married. Ms. technically is an abbreviation of “Miz” a form that was invented sometime in the 1970’s to address exactly the issue of this thread. And also to address the gender disparity, as you don’t need to know a man’s marital status to know to call him Mr. X in a formal context.
I say “technically” an abbreviation, because I have never actually seen “Miz” used in the wild unless someone was using it in an exagerated and somewhat derogatory way. No cite, but in my mind I can hear Rush Limbaugh using it in that way. The abbreviated form is common and doesn’t carry the “I’m doing this because I think you are a Feminazi” connotation of the spelled out version.
[OT]
Oh, when are you english speaking types going to join us liberal-commie Northern Europeans and do away with all these nonsensy Mr. and Ms. and Sir and Madam.
We’ve got names, spesifically for adressing us, no need for useless extra letters
I’ve never known anyone that didn’t read their own email. Part of my job requires emailing the Chancellor of my university. I also email mid level officials in state government. They all read and respond to their email.
I am more formal when emailing the big bosses. But, thats also true when we speak on the phone.
I’ve worked with executives who routinely managed mail through their assistant. The assistant would do basic prioritization, make any obvious meetings, ensure that everything eventually gets followed up, highlights relevant parts of long threads, prints out attachments before meetings, etc.
In general, you address the email to whoever’s email address you are using.
I recall an episode of The West Wing where CJ had just become the Chief of Staff, and got annoyed at being addressed as “Ma’am”. Which seemed really stupid to me, as is the only term I can think of that is the equivalent of “Sir”, the proper form of address for the White House Chief of Staff.
