Even from a cultural standpoint, I don’t think parents should just blindly follow every practice or tradition without first asking themselves: Is this truly necessary? Will it improve my child’s health in any way? Ear piercing doesn’t offer any health benefits. There are risks of infection - even with diligent cleaning of a fresh piercing from a parent, who’s to stop the baby from sticking her hand in her dirty diaper and later grabbing her hair/ear with the same hand? Also, the studs can come off by accident, presenting a choking hazard if the baby sees it lying there and decides to find out if it’s tasty.
This isn’t the dark ages any more. The majority of the world now is aware of enough science and other facts to know that witches (I’m not talking Wiccans) don’t exist, and no spirit is going to steal a child’s soul and so forth. It’s not unreasonable to say that a child should have the right and awareness to choose a body modification that’s not medically necessary.
My father for some unknown reason was dead set against ear piercings, so I had to wait till I was over 18 to get mine done. I was actually older than that, and I remember one didn’t hurt at all and the other hurt like hell for a second – must have hit a nerve. But it certainly wasn’t any unbearable level of pain. My mother waited till she was in her 70s, after my father died, to get hers pierced, and at that point was annoyed with herself for waiting that long to have it done.
I’m not one to pass judgment on people getting their babies’ ears pierced, although it’s not something I would do myself. I recognize it’s a cultural thing for a lot of people, and frankly, of the various cultural traditions out there, I consider it one of the least harmful. When the excuse of “cultural tradition” rises to the level of female genital mutilation, that’s a different story. But something that has little chance of causing problems after the first week or so, and that has an adult supervising its healing? It’s no more difficult than taking care of a baby’s umbilical stump.
But as for a toddler losing it easily, let me tell you, that’s a different story altogether. Because of nasty congenital spinal curvature, my daughter had to have spinal x-rays taken every three months from the time she was 15 months old onward. We used to wrap her up in blankets, tape the blankets up with duct tape, and it STILL took four adults to hold her still enough to get an even barely usable x-ray. And she would scream bloody murder the entire time, screams that truly sounded like she was in mortal agony even though we all KNEW nothing was hurt but her pride. I was really grateful when she outgrew that phase!! So I can well believe a toddler would lose it and scream for ten minutes over an ear piercing, and I’m not ready to write it off as child abuse. Toddlers are incredibly willful and contrary creatures; and even having had two kids, I’m here to tell you you can’t always tell when it’s pain or just pride causing it.
Every year in my family, we hang candy canes from the Christmas tree. For the next few weeks the candy canes disappear as the kids eat them (asking first). Candy canes do nothing for their health - cause cavities. But its tradition to have candy canes at Christmas time. We aren’t even Christian, having a Christmas tree (and the candy canes) has nothing to do with religion in our house. The Christmas tree COULD fall on a kid. I ended up in the emergency room when I was a kid from a pine needle in the eye (the tree lights look really pretty if you lie down and look up - not bright, but I was six).
Currently my husband has the kids out at the Minnesota State Fair, a tradition for hundreds of thousands of Minnesotans (I don’t like the fair, so I don’t go). They will eat endless junk food. There are a lot of unsavory people out at the fair. They go anyway.
If you are only going to do things with/for your kids because they are healthy and involve no risk, you probably aren’t going to do too much.
There is slight risk to having a baby’s ear pierced, but honestly - not much or it would get legislated away in a media frenzy of “ten babies die each year from having their ears peirced!” There may be a small amount of pain involved - but there is a small amount of pain involved in getting tangles out of a little girls hair - we don’t give them crew cuts to avoid the pain of having tangles worked out.
I didn’t feel anything at all. But then I had mine done in about 1965, in a doctor’s office, with a little shot of novacaine in each lobe.
My daughter had the ear piercing from Hell (at 13), though. The gun-thingie misfired and the earring got stuck half way through. It freaked out the lady doing the piercing so much that, with hands shaking, it took her almost 10 minutes to pull out the stud and redo it. Ugh.
What stops a baby from interfering with new earrings is that she is generally only a few days old at the time and has not worked out what hands are, much less ears. From the cultural standpoint that is. From the “boy isn’t that cute” standpoint, which involves toddlers, I don’t know. But the case for its presenting a health risk is, I think it’s fair to say, overblown.
The reasons people say they do something almost never coincide with the real reason for doing it. Most people who have their infant daughters’ ears pierced do it for the simplest of reasons: because everybody else does, or because the people they care about or who care about the child do.
I coslept with both my kids and nursed them both for a simple reason: everybody I knew – that is, the people who taught me how to be a mother – did, too. The reason given had to do with caring for an infant and our notins about infancy and the right relation between parents and child. But these are “Just So” stories, received wisdom, and are almost certainly not the “real” reason, which probably had more to do with the cost of real estate and the expenses of large families.
I agree that it is not unreasonable to leave the decision up to the child, particularly if the only reason it is there is to be pretty. However, when the purpose the earrings serve is to be a visible sign of membership in a family or in a community, it is rendered meaningless by leaving that decision up to the child.
Actually, I think that is exactly where this comes from. As eleanorrigby says “the WASP soccermom” culture DOESN’T pierce infant ears (I’m sure there are middle class WASP soccer moms that do, but it is the exception). In the U.S. its a Black, Latino, immigrant and/or lower-socio-economic white thing to do. Trash is a statement about class and class is a major element of culture.
Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. I stand by what I said-every culture has it’s bad elements. And in my view, this is one of them. It’s not a major crime-it’s just a stupid one.
Just to clarify, I do NOT think that it is trashy. I am speaking for my culture as others have spoken for theirs. I just had this conversation with my SIL-her oldest daughter turned 6 today. She had on some earrings, so I asked her mother if she had had C’s ears pierced. She said no–not until she’s at least 10. Yeah, it’s a white thing. Sapo–the ONLY certain way you know a baby’s sex is via the earrings? That baffles me-what about name, length of hair, hair ornaments or lack thereof, color of clothes etc. Why do you need to know the gender of every baby you see? (this is an odd conversation–it leads many places, including how we respond differently to male and female babies). I’m not criticizing–I am genuinely puzzled. I was bald as a cue ball my entire first year of life and my mother hated pink. I was called a boy many, many times–my mother would simply state that I was a girl. No biggie.
Another cultural thing - believing misidentifying a baby’s gender is a “biggie.” It probably isn’t a coincidence that piercing a girl baby’s ears maps pretty well to cultures which have fairly established gender roles.
(My nine year old son got called a girl by the waitress the other day - he was in bad need of a haircut - he got it cut - he is still in bad need of a haircut. He didn’t think it was a “biggie” to be misidentified as a girl - I suppose that’s a good thing.)
No, I don’t think it’s stupid. Just that routine circumscision makes little sense. Do it if needed, but otherwise, I don’t see the point.
Apparently, somehow, I’m not allowed to disagree with anything, as long as it’s a practice of some culture? Dangerosa, are you sure you want to go down this avenue?
After all, some cultures practice cannibalism! How DARE anyone disagree-it’s all apart of what they grew up with!
Mind you, I am NOT comparing ear piercing to cannibalism. Just pointing out that I think it’s absurd to bring up Christmas trees and bonfires and whatever. I think it’s a stupid idea, and why can’t you just wait until a kid is old enough to make up his or her mind? It just seems pointless, and unnecessary.
As I understand it there have been five objections brought up to ear piercing in infants.
Its unsafe. I maintain that its safer than another cultural tradition, Christmas trees.
Its a modification to bodies that the children aren’t old enough to choose. My vegetarian friends are aghast that people raise their kids as meat eaters - they believe a child shouldn’t be introduced to meat until they are old enough to choose. Its a good point, but the reality is that as parents we have to choose these things for them.
It isn’t necessary. It isn’t necessary for me to take a toddler to Gymboree either. The chocolate cake my one year old nephew was eating yesterday certainly wasn’t necessary.
Its painful - so is combing out tangles - something I have a ton of experience with. So is soap in the eyes when you wash their hair. So is sticking them with a diaper pin (does anyone use diaper pins anymore), or cutting their nails too short.
Its tacky. I think that’s a cultural/classist judgment.
I think the first four reasons are rationalizations to be able to make the judgment on the last one. And, quite honestly, I’m a middle class WASPY soccer mom, my daughter didn’t have her ears pierced as a baby and we put it off for a good year or longer after she started asking. But I hate people judging how other people raise their kids when there isn’t any significant risk or significant damage. I don’t think ear piercing carries significant risk or does significant damage (except in very rare cases). And I really hate when behavior so obviously tied to race and socio-economic class gets tagged as “trashy.”
You are free to think whatever you want about ear piercing infants. But when you claim that as a cultural practice it is “bad” I want to know why you believe it is bad. And what makes your cultural practices superior.
Feeding your kid is necessary, what you feed them is your choice. You don’t have to choose to get the infant’s ears pierced. Comparing what you feed your kid, and what you may or may not choose to have stuck in their ear, are two totally different things. If you would equate your choosing the kid’s hairstyle and clothing, to choosing whether or not the kid gets it’s ear pierced, that would make more sense. I’d still disagree, but it would be a better analogy IMO.
I came to say that same thing. I am Latin American, I had my ears pierced as a newborn in the hospital, I don’t remember any of it. I decided not do it to my daughter, but comparing it to circumcision piercing a newborn’s ear is peanuts. Circumcision, which is mostly a cultural thing in the US, is vastly more invasive and dangerous.
I guess people are blind to their own cultural quirks.
Not Anaamika, but I do have my nose pierced. I’ve had jobs that had policy against facial piercings, so I often went eight, 10, or 12 hours without jewelry. I’ve also pulled the stud out during my sleep and, having not noticed, gone a couple days without anything in there. The hole (mine, anyway) is not noticeable at all in the absence of jewelry.
The studs I choose are often so small that a lot of people don’t know I’ve got a piercing even with jewelry.
Oh, I forgot: My nose is blown as usual and nothing bad happens with or without jewelry.
Then, let’s stick with the christmas tree example that Dangerosa brought up. I don’t think that is a different thing at all. So let’s not pick out the thing that is “totally different”…let’s instead counter her point which is valid.
I don’t want to come off over sensitive on this point. Some cultures pierce their babies ears, and some don’t…cool. But I am starting to get more and more interested in this discussion in terms of class judgements.
Is it really possible that people are making judgements based on race and class, rather than a baby’s safety?
I mean, upthread, someone states that a baby may pull out an earing and eat the teeny stud, or choke on it. True, that is a minute possibility, but really…your precious snowflake is going to come into objects of the same size, smaller and bigger, than a tiny gold stud. Many times…grasped in their tiny little fists. Swollowed and passed, without your knowledge. Regardless of how great of a housekeeper you are, this is bound to happen. There are pieces of lint on a baby blanket larger than most starter studs.
Had all 4 of my ear piercings done with a gun—NEVER again. If I had do do it over, I’d have it done via needle. I have my nose and left eyebrow done and not only did they hurt less, they healed quicker and w/out infections. Unlike my ears. Bleh.
If someone wants to have their child’s ears pierced, that’s fine, but with the chance of infections being transmitted via the gun method…not me.
Okay, I’ll do that one. I absolutely choose my kids’ clothes and haircuts, and so do most of my friends. How they look is all about how I want them perceived at first glance (which is all the “outside wrapping” is, anyway- the real indication of who they are is their behavior). I expect my kids to present a clean, borderline preppy picture when they are out in public. They don’t wear cartoon or monster truck t-shirts out to dinner, nor did they ever wear them to school.
Am I abusing my kid by not letting them wear a Harley-Davidson shirt? Is my friend abusing her daughter by dressing her in one? Nope. Upthread it was noted that parents make damn near every choice for their young children, and we do it based on what we, personally, think is best. YMMV.
And for Og’s sake, when did single-hole lobe piercing become extreme body modification?!? Sheesh, people- my grandma had single-pierced earlobes, they are quite pedestrian. And the choking hazard? Extremely unlikely, based on the very small size of the earring (although I could see something “pokey” being a problem). I would be much more worried about the eye off the teddy bear, or the older brother’s LEGO block, or the button that the child pried off the Nintendo handset…
If it’s a visible sign of membership in a family or in a community, why is it generally only done to one sex?
Do children of the other sex not belong to the family or community? (I’ve seen the same thing argued of circumcision, that it’s to show the boys “belong.” But don’t girls “belong,” too?)
