My daughter has a little girl in her class (4th grade) who is a hearing child raised by deaf parents. Apparently, she was raised in a silent world until kindergarten. Five years later she still does not speak well - she does try, however, she isn’t selectively mute - but she missed that development cycle. She must do the majority of her communication by sign language to be understood. She writes ok (below grade level). Obviously, she gets a lot of accommodation (a full time sign language interpreter) - something that is pretty expensive for the school.
It sounds like this kid is taking no resources away from anyone else but a little of the teachers time to do his oral reports privately - and in our school its likely he’d be spending an hour a week with the school pyschologist. If his other developmental skills are up to snuff, there isn’t any reason why those accommodations shouldn’t be made. No one benefits from having him relearn multiplication or punctuation year after year simply because he won’t talk in front of his classmates.
The only thing that really concerns me is the length of time this has been going on. Three years is an eternity to an 11 year old; this isn’t a transitional stress reaction, it’s very likely now an entrenched behavior, and those are a lot harder to work your way out of.
If you were the parent of the kid, I’d suggest Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which could help him to reprogram his thoughts and anxiety.
If you were the teacher, I’d suggest giving some accommodation, but not total. Presenting his oral report to the teacher might be appropriate, but in exchange, he’s got to…I dunno, talk during lunch to a student of his choice before the end of the week or something. Something that’s less threatening to start off with, and continues to grow, pushing ever so gently at his comfort zone as time goes on.
Since you’re the parent of a peer, my suggestion is to encourage your son to befriend the kid. Invite him over, no pressure, and he might talk to him outside of school. As he becomes more comfortable, maybe having that safe buddy around would make him feel more confident trying to talk in school.
To answer the question in the OP, yes, I think some level of accommodation to his emotional needs is appropriate, but I think the school may have done too much for too long, and are giving him inappropriate levels of power rather than really helping him to grow as a person and master his fears.
Long-term selective mutism in children is a strong indicator of Social Anxiety Disorder.
Normal shyness in children recedes as they become acclimated to new people and situations. Children with the disorder go in the other direction - they withdraw ever further as their odd behavior brings them more of the negative attention that they were so inappropriately fearful of in the first place.
Fair warning: this is one of those disorders that can easily be over-diagnosed. Almost all young children are shy to some extent. But there is shy, there is painfully shy, and then there is Social Anxiety Disorder.
Three years of selective mutism in school goes well beyond just shy. It is a bloody-red flag for genuine Social Anxiety Disorder. He probably won’t just snap-out-of-it with a little stern language.
“Selective” mutism doesn’t mean that the child can just make up his mind to start talking. Some people get the shakes or rapid heartbeat when they are anxious. Some people throw up. This child’s way of handling overwhelming anxiety is to remain silent.
He is in school to learn and his written tests show that he is doing that well. The mutism is a handicap to him. He will probably learn to speak, but there are adults who also develop selective mutism as a way of controlling their relationships to other adults. It’s not intentional. It just happens. It’s a way of dealing with their lives.
James Earl Jones was mute as a child. For a long time it was thought that he was a selective mute. But he actually chose to be mute rather than speak because he stuttered so badly. Yes, that marvelous voice belongs to a stutterer. He has conquered his problem to a large extent. And give him a script and there’s no problem.
Please don’t assume that children are spoiled because they are different and require different treatment from your own child. Do make sure that your own child is getting the attention she needs.
I wonder if anyone has ever gotten creative and used one of those “alien voicebox” things to try to turn a “bad” situation into a “cool” one. The kid could talk into one of those devices, nobody would hear his actual voice, and it would sound all cool and stuff. And then (hypothetically), eventually it would just get old and he’d be used to talking again and wouldn’t need the device anymore.
Usually I just follow WhyNot around saying, “I agree,” but in this case, I have to disagree. The OP has given us no reason to assume that the boy is not in therapy for this already, whether CBT or another style. If he is in therapy, the school should be giving him whatever accommodations his doctor indicates that he needs, for however long he needs them. Schools are not in the business of diagnosing or treating mental (or physical) disorders, and this is way past being shy and into disordered territory. It is no more proper for the school to decide that he isn’t progressing fast enough and that they’re going to give him a boot in the pants than it was appropriate when my PE teacher made me run to the point of collapse on the day I came back to school after missing six weeks due to whooping cough. I have no trouble believing that treatment for this behavior could last for three years or longer (based in part on the reported experiences of a mom on a parenting message board I belong to), even with effective therapy in place.
You’re not the only one! I was talking to my mom (an award winning 6th grade teacher of 26 years experience) about this yesterday, and she said the teacher mentioned in the OP is doing everything right. Accommodate as much as the child needs as long as he needs, and let the psychologists deal with the treatment. She’s afraid that any “pushing” from the teacher, students or other parents will encourage the student to become worse, possibly refusing to speak to the teacher alone or even stop talking at home.
So, there you go. I cede the floor to the expert, and am very happy to have learned something new!