Elevator gaffe

So a few weeks ago, I’m waiting next to the elevators at my apartment. Its early morning, I’m a little late for work, and I’m idly dreaming of some pop starlet I saw on TV last night.


Door opens. And I move to step in.
At the same time this lady tried to step out.

She’s one of those serious ones, you know. The type that looks like she’s never smiled in her life. Mid-30s maybe. All dressed up in an unattractive business suit, no-nonsense military bearing look. I’m sure you’ve seen her type before.

Anyway, she tries to step out obviously thinking it was the ground floor. So I move to one side to let her pass. And a second later, she realizes her mistake. So she steps back in with a huff.

And she’s in a rush. I can see it in her movements. I can see it in her expression. And perhaps out of a little spite (she did after all startle the crap out of me), I slowly take my time getting into the lift.

She starts tapping her foot, her arms are crossed. And she mutters (just loudly enough for me to hear) “Oh my god”

So I blurt out “Nope, but I do *look * like him though”


Complete and utter silence.
She doesn’t look at me, she doesn’t say anything.
We reach the ground floor, and she sweeps out in an offended rush.

And I’m in the lift with images of her crying to a mob “Burn the heretic! Cleanse his heathen soul!”

Fortunately I’ve shifted apartments since then, so hopefully, I’ll never run into her again.

LOL. I think it’s funny. Really not a good thing to say to someone you don’t know, of course.

Well, it wasn’t very nice of you to take your time.

But still. Pretty funny.

That’s hilarious!

She was the one being rude, period.

You merely made a smartass remark.

How? I mean, she might have been, but you can’t tell from the OP - she might just have been busy and frustrated, and not been cursing AT him, just at herself, and he overheard. I mean, people leaving elevators do generally get priority. And for all we know she smiled often, just not then.

It’s still (very) funny, but I don’t think we can criticize her yet :slight_smile:

Your response was at least amusing.

I was in a supermarket recently and stopped to assist a young woman who was looking at toilet plungers. I explained to her why she wouldn’t want a sink plunger for use on a toilet. She said thanks as we parted ways, and while moving on with my cart, I turned my head to say “You’re welcome.” A woman coming around the corner with her cart apparently thought I cut her off (since I didn’t see her), and muttered under her breath, and in an angry tone, “Talk about rude!” Since I had just helped someone, I was a bit put out with the accusation.

My response? “Bite me!”

Yeah, I know.

Well, when she said that, I got the impression that she was directing it (partially at least) at me. Sort of like a blunt hint about how much of a rush she was in, and how much trouble I was causing her. :dubious:

Maybe, but she had one of those faces that looked like they had scowled so much that their face has taken that shape. :stuck_out_tongue:

I hope you didn’t move because of her. That was pretty funny though.

Chefguy’s supermarket tale (vestigial tale? :wink: ) reminded me of an incident about six weeks ago. I tend to shy away from canned food because of migraines and depression, but I do buy cans of Heinz Alphaghetti pasta, which has no preservatives. And I enjoy buying it because it comes in several “styles” - Pokemon, Simpsons, Scooby-Doo, Zoodles, etc. Eight cans will last me at least two months.

Anyhoo, I’m picking cans of Alphaghetti off the shelf and putting them in my cart, and this middle-aged man says something like, “Tsk. Tsk. Too much canned food.” I just looked at him for a second with a puzzled expression, then continued my shopping. Soon after, I was chastising myself for not having at least something to say in reply to his remark. Any ideas from my fellow Dopers, should a similar incident recur?


How else will I feed the hostages?

My newborn is very picky?

Fuck you, you dried up old cunt?

Darn, your laxative didn’t work? Must hurt being full of shit :wally

Ha ha… you could try this (this was taken from a joke)

You glance at the items in his cart and say “Hmm, I’m guessing you’re single”

He’ll probably look at his cart and reply “How can you tell?”

And you go “Because you’re freaking ugly!”

I’m glad you met my wife.


“I can see you’re having a difficult day. My Dad had a saying to improve your feelings when things are going wrong.”

“What was that?”

“Pull my finger.” Best if followed by a trouser oboe solo. :eek: :smiley:

My father used to pull that stunt about his finger all the time. He probably still does.


Or you could tear one of the can labels off with your teeth and growl at him.

What about Tsk tsk… Too much minding other people’s business…

Oh, I don’t eat this stuff. I use the cans for building.I’m building a weapon. A weapon so monstrous, so fiendishly clever, that when it is completed, I will have, in my hands, the capability for mass destruction that will rival all the United Nations combined. And when the time comes, I will give the leaders of the world a choice. A choice between living in permanent peace or complete and UTTER ANNIHALATION!!!

You think I should get the Simpsons, or the Scooby-Doo?

First of all, I thought the thread title was “Elevator Giraffe” and I was really curious about how a giraffe got on an elevator, imagine my disappointment.

I really hate when people at the grocery store comment on your food choices. If you want to ask if something I’m buying is any good, fine, but no editorializing on my choices.

I probably would have chosen this response:
“Yes, I really hate having to buy this stuff but it’s the only thing my little one can keep down, what with the chemo and all. And he does love Scooby-Doo so! sniffle

Lol, despite how, um, interesting the other suggestions are, I vote for this one. It has the added bonus of being able to keep a straight face while saying it, and you don’t have to worry that the other guy’s not going to be intelligent enough to get it.