Emancipate The Mitochondria

I’m not one to shy away from a controversial issue so let me just go on record as saying: Slavery is bad.

Well, to my shock it has come to my attention I, and you, and even me are all slave holders. We harbor trillions of slaves in our cells.
Somewhere in our checkered past our cells took in proteobacteria and we’ve been profiting from their labor ever since.
Our lazy cells keep them imprisoned and soak-up all their energy for our own perverted purposes…

How is it there isn’t a huge outcry for the poor mitochondria?
We need to passes legislation outlawing the keeping of these cell bound slaves.

Open your cells people and let the little mitties into the light!

that’s why they’re called cells.

Why do you say that?

They’re for holding prisoners.

You’ve got it all backwards. We give the mitochondria a home, and protection against the cruel elements, and what thanks do we get? Accusations of slavery!

Yeah, don’t think of the ATP as theft. Think of it as rent.

Hey Mike,… you and me we have a little arrangement, see? You pass me a little ATP once and a while, and I make sure nothing…unfortunate…happens to you. It’s a nasty world out there my friend, and I’m here to keep you safe…
I hear Jimmy Cagney’s voice as I imagine this little exchange.

Chloroplasts are people too. Smash the so called ‘Vegetable Kingdom’!

Indeed, what is with monarchy in this day and age? Animalia and Plantae both need to get with the modern world and become constitutional republics. The USA should invade to bring them democracy.

Lions to the guillotine!

Cells are medieval. Why do we even have them in this day and age?

Speaking like a true tyrant. Setting yourself up as a father figure for the little organelle. Like they couldn’t live without you.

I’m reminded of a short story I read many years ago in which the Second Coming happened, and all the mitochondria were yanked out of people’s bodies and sent to Heaven.

They might survive, but without our careful nurturing they will never achieve spiritual perfection and ascend into Mitichlorians.

Mitochondria being independent is pretty much the plot of Parasite Eve. By the title, they aren’t the ones being exploited (slash eaten by creepy monster things).

It’s worse than you think. Most of the mitochondrial DNA has been HIJACKED by the cells, and most of the essential genes are being held hostage in the nucleus. So even if the mitochondria escape, they won’t get far.

I thought this was going to be a Star Wars thread.

Next you’ll be calling for war between the states - liquid vs. solid vs. ga.

The organisms that only breathe in a Georgia-based environment are at a disadvantage when warring anywhere but the homefront. Rumors are of pockets of Georgia in Eastern Europe.

Wait until the mitochondria unionize! Then you’ll be sorry.

Actually, being ionized is key to mitochondrial function, seeing as how they’re powered by separation of charge, so unionizing them would be really bad…

Yes!!! I read this and several other short stories in an issue of Omni magazine, back in the mid-1980’s. There was one story with a woman visited by the Trinity - a lion, a lamb, and a dove (here it is). There was another with a guy who was fielding phone calls from people as God, and another from some scientists who had tracked down a third-world child believed to be a reincarnation of Jesus. I can’t remember all of them, but yes, I remember there was another one in which someone figured out that the mitochondria were destined to go to Heaven without us, and then the story ended with exactly that happening.

Can’t seem to find that one online…