Last date I had with someone to whom I was not already attached (going out with fizzy does not count since she has known for quite some time that I am weird) was when I was 12. The day after, the girl told me her boyfriend had come back from Germany. I don’t recall seeing her since.
That was ten years ago.
I hate to pile on her, but Cheech was sell oranges from the shopping cart. Though it was kind of a touching scene when the mother was seemingly blessing him while giving thanks.
Hah!
Was getting along swimmingly with a nice uni girl. English major. Smart, funny, sexy. En route to *apres-*movie coffee, we bumped into “Buddy” on the street.
“Buddy” was an Elvis impersonator. In full regalia. Las Vegas Elvis. “Buddy” had very recently had cosmetic surgery to make his eyes look more like Elvis’ eyes. Still healing, and badly at that. He was wearing a lot of make up. Badly.
“Larry! How’re you doing? I haven’t seen you since I moved out! You should come see me – I’m doing a show at the Arlington tonight!” You know how you see ‘, he squealed’ appended to quotations and always assume it’s some kind of exaggeration? It wasn’t.
“Buddy” had recently been dumped by my sister. I think that nice girl received another impression, though. I imagine something like “Oh sure- Like that guy would be interested in anybody’s sister.” I got razzed by her friends about it for ages afterward. :o
Tell me… was this duelling accompanied by light-sabrish vocalizations?
'Cuz that’s a serious fetish of mine. 
Without a doubt.
so, did you win, or was it a draw?
Well, early '70s and I had a date with a new girl I’d met. I’d intended to take her out with a crowd of my friends, both male and female, and drink beer and maybe dance a bit.
Prior to the date a friend warned me my new girlfriend was extremely religious. Oops. Thinking quickly in an emergency I decided to take her to the movies instead. That would be safe, right? No violence, no sex, just good clean entertainment. I scrounged through the paper for a Disney feature but found nothing and then, seeing an advertisement for a beautiful outdoor-type movie about some men going on a fishing and canoeing trip, I had it. Nothing could be better than that.
We went, me proud of my quick thinking and her eager to see this great adventure movie.
It was Deliverance.
I still remember her reaction to “squeal like a piggy.”
Testy
I had the worst blind date of my life years ago in San Diego. FOAF. She was a a bit… chatty. No matter what topic was she was an instant expert and could top anyone else. All freaking night. We met friends for a double date, one of them had done the fixup and later apologied profusely, and they stared in disbelief as she kept droning on and on. On the way home I just turned up the stereo, Donald Fagen’s The Nightfly - Walk Between the Raindrops is a terrific date song, and played drums on the steering wheel while the beast that wouldn’t shut her fucking pie hole kept going. As the song ended she startled me by turning and saying “you know what I mean don’t you.”
There was a silent pause. She was actually asking a non-rhetorical question. I answered in all honesty, “no, I don’t have the slightest idea what you have been talking about for the last four hours.”
So she started again. :eek: She kept going like that until I walked her to her door. I didn’t even bother saying goodnight let alone give a kiss. I just turned and heard her uninterrupted jabbering until I got in my car.
And who hates movies, anyway???
Now, I could see avoiding a movie on a date because you want a chance to talk to your date more, but to hate movies . . . .
Blasphemy!
Sorry, can’t help it:
We are the CITs so pity us . . .
The kids are brats, the food is hideous . . .
We’re gonna smoke and drink and fool around,
we’re nookie-bound,
we’re Northstar CITeeeeeeeeeeez . . . "
Apparently the song lies.
This reminds me of a story my old Latin teacher told me. He was a classics major in college and went on a first date with a girl to what he thought would be a nice historical movie about a period in which he was interested: Caligula.
I don’t remember Caligula when it first came out in theaters, but wouldn’t it have had an X rating? He didn’t notice?
There were two different versions out simultaneously in theaters- an X rated version and an R rated version. Possibly Vibro’s teacher went to the R version?
I also don’t think it’s that unusual not to notice the rating when you pay for a ticket. I seldom bother to check.
What? No vomit stories yet?
I went on what I thought would be a nice “day date” with a cute guy (sorta punky) to a cafe. On the way there he puked out the window of my car. He apologized profusely, we stopped at a gas station and he cleaned it all up with napkins and the squeegee, and he insisted he felt fine. On the way home, he did it again! I dropped him off at home and headed for the car wash. Yeah, so that was our last date.
Later I figured out he must have been on heroin, it was the only logical explanation for the way he was acting the whole time. Yikes.
Ergh. Picture this: Word & Image– a poetry reading at the Pacific Cinematheque. A collection of great wordsmiths (including Bill Bissett and Bill Richardson) were invited to bring in any film, and read something that they had composed to synchronize with it while it played on the screen behind them.
Mostly, it was awesome. Except that they had extended the offer to Michael Turner. (Author of Hardcore Logo.) While the poets had taken great care to select (and edit) film and write something that matched the image, Mr. Turner made a point of not deigning to. He read some pretentious, angry prose, while over his shoulder, some extremely ugly 8mm b&w porn ran. No connection to what he was reading. Full penetration. Thick smears of Vaseline. Extremely nasty.
The girl I was with is a fairly ardent feminist. I thought I was going to die. I think everyone in the audience was mortified. I’ve never heard such a silence.
God, I hate Michael Turner. “Oooh! I’m so edgy!” Dull little punk.
I got one! I went on a pseudo-date with a guy named Malik several years ago. We went to a dinner at a local cook’s house, which was, as you can imagine, excellent. We had quite a bit to drink, and while we were walking home with some other people, Malik suddenly broke away from the group and began vomiting copiously into a doorway. He had to stop several more times along the way.
The next time I was hanging out with him, I was the one to get shitfaced, and ended up with my head hanging out my friend’s car, vomiting all down the side of it as we drove Malik to a party. He was in the backseat with me, rubbing my back while my friend tore around every corner and was laughing uproariously the entire time. We pulled up in front of the house and let Malik off, to the infinite amusement of a group of people sitting on the stoop who saw the vomit-spattered car.
We didn’t go for a trifecta after that.
Ok, I got another one. I was in my late twenties. Met this guy who was, I dunno, 40 something. Totally hot though, the age difference didn’t bother me a bit, and I don’t think it bothered him too much judging by how well we seemed to get along. But anyway, I tend to look kinda young for my age.
So it wasn’t technically our first date, but it was our first going out together in public for dinner type date. I thought we were on our way to “coupledom” yah!
We get to the restaurant, ask for a table for two. The bitch hostess is like, “you and your son can come right this way.” :eek: :o
I was mortified. I wasn’t sure if he had heard her say that, but it was an uncomfortable dinner, and the phone calls tapered off & ceased after that.
Stupid bitch hostess. Keep your assumptions to your damn self!
I’ve got one on assumptions although not exactly a date. My wife and 16yo daughter and I went to a Christmas party last year. We were met at the door by the hostess and her and my wife went around to the back of the garden while my daughter and I went on in. My daughter was a bit diffident as it was one of her first adult parties so I had my arm around her waist.
Anyway, an older woman offered us drinks with this really spiteful comment on “If your date is old enough to drink yet.” :eek:
It pissed me off severely but my daughter thought it was a hoot. The rest of the evening she played up to being my “date” every time the old lady was around.
Regards
Testy
Back in college I made the mistake of taking a nice Catholic girl to see Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life on our first and only date. I think I lost her during the “Every Sperm is Sacred” song.
This isn’t a date story, but I knew a woman once who made friends with another woman who was brought up in an extremely religious household. Movies were absolutely NOT allowed.
This grown woman decides, after much soul-searching, that it’s just a movie, so agrees to go to the movies with my friend.
OK? So, first movie ever, for this woman who has just recently decided that perhaps movies AREN’T part of Satan’s great plan.
My friends takes her to see Silence of the Lambs.
I dunno, maybe she thought is was about quiet lambs or somethin’.
Stupid, bitchy hateful hostesses. What is up with them, anyway?