Tell me your MOST embarrassing date...

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I am sitting here at work talking to members that come into the credit union. Just chit chatting. There are a few members that I know well enough to tell them some of the personal things that go on in my life. There are a few of them that know that I am single and actively dating so they will ask if I have met anyone interesting or if they know I had a date a few nights before they may ask me how it went.

First this isn’t your “typical” bank or credit union. We don’t have the nice lobby with marble counter tops. Our bank consists of cube walls, so it has a relax feeling with the members. Some of them see us more as friends then they do a “teller” or “loan officer” or whatever. (Just incase you are wondering, “Why would a teller tell a member her personal stories” or whatever…)

So I was talking to this one member about a semi embarrassing, not so good date I had last night. It got me thinking about all my dating experiences and realized that it wasn’t my MOST embarrassing date. Not even close. Then I got to thinking that there has to be a lot more funny stories out there and I figured, why not share? I think it would be fun.

I’ll go first with my most embarrassing date.

I was 23, maybe 24 and I had already been on one date with Josh and we agreed that we wanted to see each other again. After talking, we agreed to have pizza and watch a movie at my apartment. I worked 3rd shift for an alarm company at the time, so we decided to meet around 7pm and just hang out until I had to leave for work.

Everything was going great. Movie was good. Pizza was good. We were sitting on my futon couch, laughing. Then something in my stomach sent a signal to my head that something wasn’t right. I ignored it thinking that it was the massive butterflies swarming in my stomach. I way trying to convince myself that I was just nervous and I had to calm down. Relax. Breathe. Then the second warning came and went because I again thought it was nerves. I ignored it. Then came the 3rd and final warning that gave me little or no time to even react. My stomach was pissed and told me so. I knew I was going to get sick and I was trying to make it to the bathroom to loose the pizza.

I didn’t make it.

All over the living room hard wood floor, right in front of my date. I managed to crawl into the bathroom where I lost whatever was left in my stomach. I remember hugging the porcelain bowl praying that when I came out that he would be gone. Over and over I prayed, “oh please if I am ever going to be walked out on, please let it be now.” When I felt like I was able to move, I got up and slowly walked into the living room. Still repeating that silent prayer in my head, I turned around the corner saw the remains of my half digested pizza and soda all over the floor and walls. My eyes diverted to the couch where I saw him sitting on the couch just aimlessly looking around.

As soon he saw me standing in the hallway he broke the silence by saying, “Man. I at that pizza too.”

Needless to say, I never called him again. Not because I didn’t like him, but because I was THAT embarrassed. The look on his face when I came around the corner has been burnt into my head.

2

Aren’t you going to tell us about last night’s date?

I am thinking here, but so far I got nothin’.

3

Ah. Last night’s date is going to have to be left for a thread that is labeled, “Dates that require 2 drinks even before dinner gets to the table is a sign in itself.”

Needless to say, since I don’t drink hardly at all, it was an experiance. He was an asshole, and I needed help getting through dinner. Complete waste of time.

4

So what was the movie?

5

I am 30. This date took place, maybe, 7 years ago. Can’t say I remember the name of the movie or if I even paid attention to it. :dubious:

6

Uh… better out than in?

7

I didn’t realize it was a date. That’s what made it embarrassing.

“Hey, LPN, what are you doing tonight?”
“Nothing much, why?”
“Would you like to go to dinner at (reasonably nice restaurant)?”

Now, we were both college students. The restaurant in question was not exactly a candles and sterling silver type of place, but it had cloth napkins and good food and cost more than Wendy’s but less than a steakhouse. It’s just a vegetarian restaurant geared to local college-age people.

“Sure!” I said.

Now, the fact that he was wearing a suitcoat didn’t tip me off. He ALWAYS wore one of those. He wore one of those in Texas summer. He pulled out the chair for me, and that was a tiny red flag, but as you can imagine, the sort of guy who wears a suitcoat every day is also the sort of guy who will pull out the chair for anyone remotely female.

Then he ordered wine.

That was a very tense evening. I had no intention of dating him – he was my friend and very sweet, but his eternal need to be dramatically At Service was rather off-putting and I just wasn’t all that interested.

8

I’ve posted this before. It’s one of my favorite stories.

Many years ago I made a friend from a message board. She lives in a different part of the country, but I decided to attend a 'fest there. She was dating someone at the time, but there was definitely chemistry between us. Over the years, we both had a number of relationships and breakups, but were never available at the same time.

That changed in November. We were both available, and the e-mail flirting was hot and heavy. I arranged for a plane ticket in December so that I could spend a day with her before going to see my family over the holidays. In my mind, I considered it a date. When I headed to the airport, I was showered and coiffed and dressed for Hot Date Action.

On the subway on the way to the airport, I ended up sitting next to a very cute young lady. I struck up a conversation with her, and we ended up really hitting it off. When it came time to go our separate ways, she said “It was nice meeting you. Maybe we’ll see each other around the city sometime.” Now, I know how that goes. I almost never run into someone twice purely by accident.

I asked if she had e-mail.

“Sure!”, she said excitedly. “What’s yours?” I told her, and she wrote it down on the palm of her hand. “Here’s mine!”, she said, and wrote it down on my hand.

So there I was, on my way to a date, with another woman’s name written on my hand in indelible ink.

9

Well, I thought maybe it was the movie, not the pizza, that made you hurl. Ya never can tell with these things.

10

Neither The Blair Witch Project nor The Exorcist makes a good first date movie.

11

Oh dear, bad dates… I mostly avoid dating entirely but there have been a few times when I was between relationships when I took the plunge. The most memorable was a Craig’s List (I know, I know!) matchup–guy seemed reasonably okay, picture looked good, we talked on the phone a couple times and he had a decent phone voice (at the time we were both call center monkeys so good phone voices were pretty much a given.) Anyway, we decided to meet up at a local watering hole for a beer. He was late, and when he walked in it became quite apparent that he’d lied about his height (guys, just don’t do this, m’kay?) which he’d given as being 5’11". Now I’m 5’9" and he was NOT two inches taller than I–more like three inches shorter! Well, I’m not that shallow so I could give that a pass, but it was also patently obvious that he hadn’t showered that day and maybe not the day before, either. Laundry day appeared to be a sometime thing as well. Then to put the capper on it one of THE FIRST THINGS he tells me is that he’s gone off his bipolar meds–well, kiddies, my first husband was as bipolar as the average planet and my alarm bells ALL went off at once. It became clear that Bipolar Date Boy was on the D side of his swing and every word out of his mouth sounded like a direct Eeyore quote. So very much fun!

Still, I’m the courteous type so rather than bolting outta there I made chitchat and drank my beer, then politely indicated that it was really time for me to get going–but he insists on walking me to my car, moping and bumming alllll the way. As we passed the Hawthorne Fred Meyer store I spotted a guy who used to work in my call center–all rigged up in his finest goth/S&M gear (multiple tats/piercings, wears a straitjacket instead of a coat, multicolored hair in dreads, etc.) I fell on him like a long lost brother, politely informed BDB that I needed to talk to my friend for a bit (I invented a sudden need for information re another mutual friend) so could I just say goodnight here? Truth was I didn’t want this guy to even have my license plate number! Lucky for me my former co-worker is one of those quick on the uptake types and sussed out my desperation without my having to say a word. We chatted until BDB was gone, I gave him a heartfelt hug and cheek kiss and was on my way–it was nice of him to delay for me since he was on his way to a hanging/suspension event. (Yes, I asked. Ever see “A Man Called Horse?” It was like that. My friend was one of the guests of honor.)

Then there was the guy who was actually interviewing for a mistress–old style kept woman, I had no idea people still did such things. He was cute and pretty charming but still–not quite what I was expecting.

12

I don’t know if this counts as a date or not.

When I was just out of college three buddies and I decided to put on a Halloween party. We put a lot of effort into it, and I invited a girl I had just started dating. We talked costumes and planned together.

My “buddies” decided to have fun with me and invite every single girl I had ever dated. Luckily, they didn’t know all of them, but it was really not much fun when they introduced my new girlfriend to six ex-girlfriends. Not much fun at all.

13

That’s a tough one. I would have to say April 25th.

14

A Doper?

15

Well then. :slight_smile: Here’s mine. I’m 27/m and this happened last year.

I’d been chatting back and forth with someone for a week or two. This person was… pretty local to me, so I bucked up and asked her for one of her evenings so we could hit up a restaurant.

FFWD to that evening. I knock on the door and she’s says “Heeeeeey! :smiley: Come iiiiiiiin-- have a seat while I put my little one to sleep!”

Little one? Oh SNAP– a kid. :smack: Not that someone having a kid is a crisis, but it’s so crazy to me that it had never come up in the lengthy conversations we’d been having.

So… she comes back down and I say “Did you manage to find a sitter?”, totally expecting to hear the obligatory ‘yes’ or ‘yes’-like answer. She says “oh? nah-- he’ll be alright. Once he’s in bed, he’ll sleep all night” :smack: :smack: :smack:

“How old is he?” “Oh, he just turned 5.”

I suggest that it would be totally fine if we just ordered in and had something delivered, but she was pretty adamant about going! Something to the tone of “I haven’t gone out to a nice restaurant in a really long time. I’ve been looking forward to it… and now you’re going to deny me?”. So… super-reluctantly, I acquiesced and we we went.

I’d never eaten so fast in my life! All I could think about was this kid rappelling out of his window via linens or coming around the corner on the way back to see the place engulfed in flames. On her side, she’s telling me about how she wants to get the kid into horseback riding or ballet. I was only half-paying attention because my mind was elsewhere, but my ear caught ‘ballet’ and my mouth said “Ballet??” …which was deftly transitioned into “Has he shown an interest in dancing?”

“Huh?-- Oh I was talking about my daughter!”

Kid 2. :smack: :smack: :smack: :smack: She has a daughter at home as well. 7 years old, if I remember correctly.

Kids fight. Siblings fight more. Another thing to worry about as I cut off the waiter offering us dessert (Is cash okay?). I blazed back to her house. House was intact, no DCF van in sight. She invited me in, but i declined. I never really spoke to her much after that night.

I’m sure you all have had weirder nights. Shoot, I probably have a weirder one, but that was the first that came to mind. :smiley:

16

Ahhh…that would have to be a couple of years ago.

I met the Big Guy at the birthday party of a good friend of mine. BG was my friend’s cousin who had just moved to the area from Michigan. Since we seemed to hit it off, we decided to meet at my house for dinner the next week and then go to see a band.

Fast forward to date night…I walked in from a job interview to a ringing phone…BG was on his way home from work and wanted to come to my house a couple of hours early as not to waste the gas going home to change (he only lived about five miles from me). I told him that I had just gotten in and hadn’t had a chance to start dinner and he said that was ok, that we could just talk while I was cooking.

Well, when he got there, I offered him a drink and told him to make himself at home while I fixed it…talk about taking my words at face value…I came back with a cocktail to find him in my easy chair, remote control in hand…IN HIS TIGHTY-WHITIES.

He subsequently became a joke, not only among mutual friends, but once his cousin told BG’s family, among them as well.

(Next time, I ask “Boxers or briefs” before going out. :stuck_out_tongue: )

17

I accompanied a co-worker to a “college formal” because I thought he was gay. (The current me wouldn’t stereotype this way, but at barely nineteen and fresh out of homeschooling I didn’t know better. He was a short, chubby, redheaded opera/theater major who had never once talked about girls the way all my other guy co-workers did…I just assumed that he was gay since nobody had ever heard of/seen him with a girl.)

Not so harmless at the after party. Shoved his tongue so far down my throat that I barely avoided gagging. And stupid shocked shy 19-year-old Audrey didn’t TELL him, “I thought you were gay!” Or even “I’m not interested in you that way! I thought we were just buddies!”

Nope. I just let him maul my tonsils til he dropped me off at my apartment, and then the next time I encountered him I literally said, “I’m going to the restroom!” and left out the back door. (I was eating at the restaurant we worked at and he joined me and I literally left half my meal on the plate.)

He left disconsolate and increasingly irate messages on my answering machine for the next two weeks…and just the thought of him made me cringe for months.

I feel badly that I assumed he was gay, and I feel even more badly that I was too cowardly to ever explain my behavior.

He quit, by the way.

18

Nope. She’s aware of this place, but she doesn’t post here.

19

My first real date ever (as in just the two of us and I drove and everything), when I was 16, we went to a movie. I pulled out my wallet to pay for the tickets, and a rubber fell out. (This was that “just in case” rubber that most teenaged boys carried around, but never got to use, at least in my case).

My date said nothing…I was mortified! I turned 15 shades of deep red. We went in and sat down. I was looking over at her, just knowing I’d blown it for sure. She started laughing, then I started laughing. We had a good time and ended up dating for a while, so I guess it wasn’t all that bad.

20

A friend of mine who lives about an hour away had been seeing a woman who happened to live a few towns away from me. Let’s call her Betty. Betty had a friend, Veronica, who lived even closer to me, and Betty (whom I’d never met) was quite gung-ho on setting me up with Veronica.

This January my friend calls me, saying that Betty and Veronica are down at the bar of a local restaurant, so why don’t I go over and meet them? So I agree. B & V are there and quickly figure out who I am and call me over. They are quite friendly, pretty touchy-feely, and more than a little bit tipsy. Fine, I order a beer and chat with them. Veronica is cute – she’s a few years older than me (she’s 46 or 47) but looks kind of like Chrissy Hynde. I would date her, I think to myself.

It becomes apparent, however, that Veronica can’t stop text-messaging … somebody. Betty’s irritation grows and she steals Veronica’s phone. Veronica pouts, flirts, and they both go to the bathroom. And emerge wearing each other’s clothes.

They order another round of drinks, and it seems that Veronica has stolen back her phone and is still texting under the bar and getting more and more upset about something. Finally, she bolts rather suddenly, leaving me in the bar with Betty. Betty finished Veronica’s drink and explains that she really wanted to set me up with Veronica while her boyfriend was out of town, but that he just got back the day before. From Europe, where he was visiting his wife and kids. And Susan is upset because he is now demanding (apparently via text message) an open relationship (meaning that he wants more girlfriends in addition to her). Which she really doesn’t want, but she really loves him despite this. And, by the way, he’s a professional boxer.

Oooohkay. Ass-kicking dodged, then. Betty and talk about my friend and some weird aspects of her life for about half an hour before I decide it’s time to leave. In the parking lot, Veronica is still in her car, tears running down her face.

Usually you have to date someone for a few months to see it all laid out like that.