I’d like to be the first to selflessly help your poor parents with this terrible problem. Just e-mail me their address and I’ll be over this weekend to get those cases out of the house. You realize what a terrible fire hazard they pose? No time to lose!
Commasense, all of that booze was racked up while the family lived in Rockville. You’d have been able to zip right on over to pick it up. But you’re too late. They moved to Raleigh about 8 years ago.
It’s midnight now. Give me the address, and I’ll be there at 8 tomorrow morning! 
Beeeep! This has been a test of the Emergency Bourbon System.