Encounters with the Psychotic

I’ll share my scariest one:

November 1993. My husband, brother, brother’s wife and I are driving back to Merced, California from San Francisco in our two-door 1990 Nissan Sentra. It’s about 5 p.m. my husband is driving, heading south on Hwy 101 and getting ready to cross the San Francisco Bay on the San Mateo bridge. We’re cruising along in the center lane of a three-lane highway, going about 65 mph when we come upon a slow semi. El Hubbo checks his mirrors - the left lane is clear except for a car waaay back - and pulls into it to pass. As soon as he gets over, he sees that the car that was waaay back a split second ago is now right on his ass. The car, a brand-new red Trans Am with the license plate HIREN 1, stays on his butt the whole time he’s passing the semi. My husband gets over as soon as he can and proceeds to flip off HIREN 1 as he passes us. Big mistake. The guy pulls in front of us and taps his brakes. We back off. He does it again. We try to slow dwn and lose him but he slows down too. We finally lose him for a couple of minutes only to see that he has pulled off the highway into the median so he can catch us again. This whole time we’re all yelling at my husband: “Get off the highway!” “Speed up!” “Slow down!” And all of a sudden we’re on the San Mateo. Ten-plus miles of a two-lane bridge and nowhere to go. HIREN 1 pulls up next to us and matches our speed… the four of us just stare straight ahead but he starts screwing with us again, getting in front and tapping his brakelights, tailgating, swerving like he’s going to hit us from the side. We finally get off the bridge and it’s back to three lanes. My husband gets in the right lane and slows down again. HIREN 1 matches our speed - we can see that he’s got his girlfriend in the car with him! We come up on another semi. This time, my husband decides to speed up and pass the semi on the right. HIREN 1 sees this and starts passing the semi on the left. Just then an exit comes up - we get off the highway and lose him. All of us are just crazy with relief - my brother’s wife and I are crying… We pulled over at a gas station and I called the police with his license plate. Never found out if they tried to get him or what… My husband never flicks ANYONE off anymore.
Well, except for me.

I couldn’t believe the guy’s girlfriend was with him. Maybe he had kidnapped her or something. To screw with us at those speeds in a brand-new car like that… they guy had to be out of his mind.

So, anyone else meet the psychotic recently?
How are they doing these days?

Most common question I ask: “What?”
Most common question I get: “Are you really hearing impaired?”

Yes,today there was a guy on the bus who tried shaking hands with everyone. After hearing a woman tell her friend its important to take care of your teeth,he volunteered that he has surgery next week for this cyst on his lip!

Canthearya, that is frightening. And I’m sure a lot of people have similar stories.

Here’s mine: Two friends and I were driving to the Catskill Mountains on the NY Thruway last weekend. Ahead of us were two morons engaged in a road rage experiment that was sure to cause a few casualties. The red Toyota had cut the blue Hot Rod off and Hot Rod was MAD. First he tried to run Toyota off the road. Toyota kept increasing/decreasing speed so Hot Rod couldn’t stay right next to him. Soon they came up on a semi driving in the right lane. Toyota was ahead in the left lane and braked so that Hot Rod couldn’t pass. Unfortunetly, all of the traffic behind these morons caught up to them (including us) and it put everyone in great danger.

Soon Hot Rod got sick of riding Toyota’s ass (no pun intended) and moved onto the LEFT shoulder with the intention of running Toyota into the semi. Brilliant! Luckily Toyota was checking his rear view mirror and sped up before Hot Rod was close enough.

Then an exit was before them! Toyota did a fake-fake exit turn (turned, but then at the last second swerved back onto the Thruway, then back on the exit). Hot Rod followed.

I do not know what happened to them, but I wouldn’t be surprised if one or both of them were dead.

As for other psychotics, I see 'em everyday, but have the luck of being pretty incognito so they leave me alone. This morning there was a man bleeding on the subway! He was sitting in the seat and had blood running out of his nose - I swear it looked like he had ebola virus or something. It appeared he hadn’t noticed yet. Hm.

About five years ago, I was heading to the rink for a summer-league hockey game when I was waiting to merge with heavy traffic. Buddy in a Cutlass comes to a screeching halt behind me, inches from my bumper. Startled, I check the rear-view, and see this nutbar pounding on his steering wheel and swearing a blue streak. By this time, I pull into traffic, and this whack job comes tearing up beside me, and although he has his windows up, he’s cursing me out like I’d called his mom a dyke. SOO, I flip him off. As i believe has been mentioned before: “Big Mistake.” This goof powers down his window, and starts tearing into me, railing off every insult under the sun, then proceeds to insult the way I was dressed (he was a shirt & tie, I’m wearing a t and shorts), then the car I drive (a dirty old Skylark, compared to his shiny, powerful lack-of-penis-compensation-vehicle). More amazed then anything else, I tell him where he can go, and what relation he could take with him for that kind of entertainment. He proceeds to get even more PO’d than before, and tells me how he’s a black-belt, 6th level something or other, and that he’s gonna whup my ass.
Two blocks later at a light, he’s about five cars ahead of me, when he gets out of his car, and runs back to my car. By this time, the light has changed, and the other cars are moving off. Just as he gets to my door, I drive away, flipping him off again for good measure. In the meantime, he’d left his door open, and some guy in a half-ton knocks that sucker clean off it’s hinges. I drove away laughing, but holy shit, what the hell gets into people’s heads when they’re driving?!


Still in the road rage category:

I was about 18, maybe 19, driving home from work, about 1 or 2 am, long, dark, winding country road.Dumbass in a pickup gets right up behind me, bright lights on, and as he cant pass, follows real close for a while.
He can finally pass, so me, being young and stupis, (and pissed off!) turned on my brights and left them on. he sped up a bit, then stopped suddenly, across both lanes of this 2 lane road! I almost shit! There was nowhere to turn around, and the road was too narrow for a u-turn…he stomps over to the car, I had the window up, and the door locked, and he starts yelling at me about my lights. I dont remember what I said, I was so scared…there wasnt a house around, and if I had honked or screamed, NOBODY WOULD HEAR ME!

Anyway, I played it cool and told him off for driving too close to me or something, then I just turned my head forward and said “move your truck” in a real dismissive tone.

He threw up his hands and stomped back to his truck, and roared away.

That was one of the stupidest things I have ever done. Scared the hell outta me.

Once I made lane change on a freeway late at night. I wanted to exit, so I just signalled and made the lane change. The person I got in front of got mad and started tailgating with his brights on (I assumed it was a “he” since I assume most women don’t immediately thirst for revenge every time someone cuts them off). So I drove faster and made the exit onto a different highway. Mad Guy followed me, still tailgating, still with high beams. For some reason, I was so freaked out I didn’t realize there was no reason to run from this guy. What’s he gonna do, rear-end me on the freeway? I should have just pulled onto the shoulder and braked suddenly. Later on, the freeway got a second lane and I got into a different one than Mad Guy, and braked hard.

Later on, I realized that my right-rear turn signal wasn’t working. So my original lane-change had not been politely signalled as I had thought. Folks cut in front of me and I never get that mad though.

Back in the eighties, my mom had a friend whose son was downtown with some friends. They were coming home on the Stevenson Expressway (for you non-Chicago types, it goes through some pretty rough areas - directly past Cook County jail, for one - but I digress) and got into a traffic thing with another car.

The witnesses who lived said that “son” only flipped off the guys in the car next to them, but it must have been much more. The guys in the car next to them shot into the car a bunch of times. Killed the son (driver, by the way), and his girlfriend.

My SO is the poster boy for road rage and has gotten us in some sticky situations. I get very very upset with him when he gets like that, because you never know what the other person is going to do.

It’s very scary.

“When I was seventeen…I had a very good beer…”

  • Homer Simpson

Get him some help…it IS a sickness.
Be Safe.