I defintely think you should give her a chance to look at some rings and see what sort of price range her tastes run in. She may not want anything fancy in the first place. “expensive” doesn’t always mean “better”. Personally, I vastly prefer colored stones over diamonds, and so many inexpensive colored stones appeal to me a lot more than these crazily expensive diamond rings do.
In your situation, I absolutely agree that it seems pointless for you to go into further debt for the sake of a silly ring. Don’t be afraid of looking like a “cheapskate”. That is just the emotional manipulation of the jewelery industry (which, of course, relies on the fact that someone in the throes of love can be easily persuaded to make reckless and foolish choices ). If a woman is so irrational about money that she can’t understand why you don’t want to blow money on something like this, you probably don’t want to marry her anyway because you’ll eventually end up divorced once you start fighting over finances as a married couple.
I don’t know. I would feel incredibly lame taking her to the store. We met in college, we’ve been together 3 years and lived together for 2. I love surprises and I love surprising her, but I really can’t decide. We live in a fairly small town, and the biggest jewelry store here is probably Zales in the mall, so propose and then go shopping requires a 2 hour drive in between if I’m going to a proper jewelry store.
I know, on the other hand, that she’d probably want to find the perfect one, and it’d give us something to do, but it’d just feel too much like apartment hunting or shopping for cars. There’s not much romantic here, I’d probably do it if we were travelling somewhere, so I just don’t know.
I wasn’t dissing the 4 C’s or any of that. The sites I visited were categorized - Engagement Rings, Wedding Sets, etc. etc. and all the engagement rings looked similar, and boring as all hell.
I don’t like the idea of shopping for rings together. It just takes away from the surprise, IMO. YMMV.
Anywho, my advice is to take a picture of the ring she sent you and go visit a jeweler. I wouldn’t put a non-precious stone in a bridal setting but have seen semi-precious stones (mine has sapphires in it) that are beautiful. The problem with color is that it’s rather limiting. I have a plain gold band when I’m wearing red, for instance.
That’s very similar to the ring I got my wife. It has a half carat diamond and it looks beautiful. She loves it and if I screw up it always helps get me back in her good graces when she looks at it.
You know, I was thinking about this. I was trying to think if there are any circumstances under which I would send my boyfriend a link to a ring, that was NOT a hint as to what type of engagement ring I’d want. The only one I could think of, would be if it was near my birthday, and it was a link to a birthstone ring I might like. As far as I know, Apatite is not a substitue birthstone (her birthday isn’t in March, is it). Even Christmas, I’d avoid it, there’s too much meaning associated with getting a ring from your boyfriend. The other reason would be if you were a very stylish boyfriend and we often discussed jewelry, but if that were the case I don’t think you’d be posting. Of course, I’m not your girlfriend, and not all women think the same. But if it is a engagement ring hint, I think she’s also telling you not to break the bank.
Hope I’m not asking the obvious, but have you guys ever had conversations about rings that friends and family have bought? If her comments were generally not glowing (ie, “ostentatious rock”), that’s probably an indicator that she’s not interested in an expensive ring. If she would describe herself as “socially concious”, then its very possible she’d be happy without a diamond, they’re not exactly PC of late.
Also, the tension ring is lovely, my best friend’s ring was a simple tension ring with a sapphire.
That’s you, but how would she feel? I went shopping for mine and it was a great time - among other things, it was the first ‘big’ financial decision we made together. I got a ring I love and still get compliments on (even though I’m no longer married - which had zero to do with the ring). I didn’t want the same old sameold diamond lump that everybody gets. Mine’s an estate piece - an Art Deco setting with ruby and pave diamonds.
If she said she likes coloured stones, then that’s what she wants.
Really, surprise her with a fabulous proposal.
So go out for dinner that night, too. You can make it romantic as all get out if you want to.
Yeah. A lot of diamond things are like that unless you get someone to craft a special setting for you.
Take her to get her stone. Or, if she says she’d rather you buy her a ring, then you can do it with no worries. You could do the ‘fake, cheap standby’ thing, even.
I don’t know how it works Stateside, but here in the UK the oft quoted figure is that an engagement ring should costs roughly equivalent to a month’s worth of your salary (there’s some debate about whether this is pre or post-tax). Don’t know how this works if you’re a penniless student though!
Yes, yes, everything Quiddity said. I have several friends who got “stuck” with a gaudy ring they hate, because their husband thought they would like it. Better to let her pick it. Trust me, shopping for rings together is incredibly romantic. A nice intimate lunch or dinner, spending the day together, lots of kissin’ . . .
Criminy, get a ring from a Cracker Jacks box like any normal person would (well, any normal person in a sappy albeit enjoyable romantic comedy). Classic charm.
…or, failing that, buy a small iron meteorite somewhere, and carve it into a ring. C’mon, think about it…which is more special; a price-inflated rock dug out of the ground by slave labor, or a shard of pure metal that fell flaming from the heavens?
I’ve bought a peice from Orleans Jewelry ( here) which is fake diamonds in gold. I’ve been very satisfied (A+++++++++++++++++++++) with my purchase.
I also love perusing ebay for rings.
What ever you pick, pick something that she can stare at when bored at meetings and gatherings and just look at the pretty sparkly rock. cause that is what I do.
I bought the engagement ring on my own, but I knew what my wife wanted. It’s just a simple, elegant 1/2 carat solitaire. I was going to get a 1/4 carat, but it looked too puny. I went to a small local shop and spent $1K. She was and is still quite happy with it.
When I bought the ring I didn’t have any money either, so I went to the bank, talked to the loan officer and just signed my name. And they gave me $1000. isn’t life grand?
). If a woman is so irrational about money that she can’t understand why you don’t want to blow money on something like this, you probably don’t want to marry her anyway because you’ll eventually end up divorced once you start fighting over finances as a married couple.
