The documentation of priestly matriarchal descent of the eligible Jews–Kohens–is surprisingly strong.
It’s nice to imagine Rodney Dangerfield (b. Jacob Rodney Cohen) decked out with Urim and Thurim. Either of the Coen brothers still can. Roy Cohn undoubtedly would have snagged it if the price was right.
Any Talmudists out there?
I’m not even a Levite… Just a Heeb plebe (Israelite).
To pick a nit, Kohanim are determined by patrilineal descent.
Which means that technically, you can be a Cohen even if your father isn’t Jewish.
First, I love this thread.
Second, I think the consensus among sages is that we have to wait for the moshiach to arrive before we can have a new kohen and a new Temple for him to officiate at.
We will, of course, also need flawless red heifers.
There’s a joke in there somewhere about the obesity epidemic and sunburn risk due to the ozone hole…
Or an unkind one about Sascha Baron Cohen’s wife ( depending on whether you want to emphasize “flawless” or “heifer”, I suppose ) ;).