It’s not an original theme, to be sure, but at least its an attempt to revive the story song, which has all but disappeared in pop music for some reason.
There’s a current remake of “Band of Gold” from some load from American Idol where the moron stretches out every other word in an attempt to impress with her vocal ability, and it comes off sounding utterly pathetic- Since you-ou-ou been go-o-o-ne, all-ll-ll that’s left is a ba-a-a-and of go-o-old- ugh.
Bob Seeger’s “Turn the Page” gets my vote. Sure, it doesn’t have a 20-minute noodling solo, but I’ve always found it an unbearably melodramatic story of how hard it is being a rock star.
“Look, Bob, I’ve got no problem with you being a rock star, the job so sought-after that it’s a cliche. But I must insist that you admit that you like it!”
I don’t think attention span has anything to do with it. Most critics dislike those bands because they’re pompous windbags. They’re trying to “expand” rock music by making it more like jazz or classical, and most rock musicians aren’t good enough to pull that off - not to mention the fact that it’s pretty much antithetical to what rock is supposed to be: namely, high-energy, good-time party music. Sure, there’s plenty of good rock that goes beyond that limited definition, but most jam/prog bands take none of the good elements of rock except for the volume. As I said, most rock musicians aren’t anywhere near as skilled as classical/jazz artists/composers, and those that are generally don’t understand rock well enough to incorporate it into their work successfully.
Another problem with jam/prog bands is that they don’t work in service to the song - their long, boring solos are mostly in service to themselves and their facility with their instruments - in other words, they’re showing off. It’s about mastery and technique, not songs, which is what rock (and roll) is all about - immediacy and a catchy riff. I’d be interested in an example of Exapno Mapcase’s claim that the Ramones had some 2-minute songs that were as self-indulgent as acid rock - as far as I’ve heard (I pretty much got off the bus after their first 4 albums), the Ramones were always about the songs, not their own egos (on record, at least).
A couple examples to help illustrate my points: the guitar solo (if you want to call it that) at the end of The Beatles’s “Got To Get You Into My Life” and the solo from R.E.M.'s “The Flowers of Guatemala”. I don’t think, no matter what your opinion of their output, that anybody would say George Harrison and Peter Buck weren’t talented (rock) guitar players, but both of those solos are about 2 notes, yet they fit the pieces perfectly. They exist to complement the song, not to prove what awesome guitar gods they are. IMHO, those two solos are “better” than anything Jethro Tull or the Allman Bros. or Phish have ever committed to vinyl.
Ah. See, I hadn’t gotten the memo from the Rock Police. And here I thought rock was all about breaking rules and thumbing your nose at authoritay. 
It’s funny - I’ve heard Derek Trucks say things like that a lot, how it all comes down to intention and serving the song, but he plays part-time with the Allman Brothers and I’m sure you’d lump him into the categories you’re talking about. Which would be too bad for you, in my opinion.
Authoritays like people who make rules about what rock is? 
Exactly!
Three words:
Metal
Machine
Music
A double album; one hour, four minutes, and four seconds of feedback. Side four has no out groove and will continue to play forever.
Jazz Odessy
By Spinal Tap
I always thought Jewel’s Adrian was incredibly self indulgent. While not as long as the song in the OP, those 7 minutes just drag by until eventually you begin to envy the guy in the coma that she’s singing about. No wonder he doesn’t want to wake up.
It most certainly is. Which is another reason rock critics don’t like prog/jam bands - instead of thumbing their noses at authority (or, God knows, brea-’’'68, including the long jam on “Sister Ray”, but the difference was they still rocked; Love also did similar things, but in a more pop vein), they set themselves up as authority figures, godlike, untouchable beings playing shit your average rock musician would never waste the time to try to replicate. Those big classic rock arena shows of the '70s were about worshipping the bands, not enjoying the music or, heaven forbid, having fun. It was actually pretty reactionary music (making “progressive rock” a bit of a misnomer), going back to the stuffiness and premium on technical ability that had been the province of classical and opera earlier in the century (and before). I’m somewhat playing devil’s advocate - I’ve got plenty of classic rock/psych in my collection (even some Pink Floyd, mostly 'cause I’m a Syd barrett fan), but if you ask me, one shout from Little Richard blows everything ELP or Yes ever did out of the water.
Don’t feel bad for me. Trust me, I’ve heard pretty much everything the Allmans (and the other jam bands I’ve mentioned in this thread) have done, and believe it or not, I still don’t like it.
When I hear the original on the radio, I amuse myself by singing along in the manner of James Hetfield and the Metallica version.
If that’s the only criteria, you might as well count Creedence too. John Fogerty was the primary force behind that band. He sounds like a major league asshole, but CCR put out some damn fine songs.
And IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII will always love YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!
OK, that’s making my ears bleed just reading it.
This reminds me a bit of the scene in an episode of Freaks & Geeks in which Nick, the drummer-guy, is listening to Rush at high volume and Lindsey’s dad comes to ask him to turn it down. “And by the way,” says Dad, “whoever that drummer is, he STINKS!”
Nick can’t believe his ears. “What? That’s Neil Peart! He’s the greatest drummer in the world!”
Dad: “I don’t care who he is, he stinks!”
Dad then plays some Gene Krupa and Buddy Rich records, causing Nick’s head to explode.
I loved that show, and that exchange in particular - when I was learning to play drums at 13, I did the exact same thing as Nick, listening to Neil Peart through headphones. They got that shit exactly right (also loved Seth Rogen’s character correcting Lindsay when she referred to “Baba O’Riley” as “Teenage Wasteland”).
I’ve never felt any pity for people who have different taste in music. I do find the prescriptivism in your post a little irritating, and I really disagree with the notion that the Allman Brothers are a proggy, technique-oriented band and not high-energy or fun.
Nah, the Allmans are more jammy than proggy. I’m just not a fan in general of jams, and I’m especially not a fan of all the white (electric) blues bands of that era (with the obligatory exceptions, of course). That stuff does nothing for me. On the other hand, I can listen to Robert Johnson endlessly without ever getting tired of it.
As for the prescrptivism - well, that’s just historically what rock and roll was. By the time the prog/jam stuff came along, I think I’m on somewhat safe ground claiming it’s a whole separate type of music, though much of it grew out of the same roots as rock and roll (hence the whole rock and roll vs. rock debate). Though, as I said before, some of the prog music (ELP especially) comes more from classical music than blues or country.
Well if it ain’t rock some rock critic might not like it. But I might. So the music is indulging me or anyone else who does like it. Not, particularly, the artist. Though they probably like playing it too.
If on the other hand no one likes it, then it’s just bad. Not self indulgent, just bad.
Like I said, if you are a rock critic and you don’t like anything over three minutes, then suggesting that some piece of music is bad because it’s longer than that then you are the one being self indulgent, in kidding yourself your particular opinion is what counts.
Well, like I said, I don’t think it’s about the length - most serious rock critics I’ve read are big fans of “Sister Ray” by The Velvet Underground and Zen Arcade by Husker Du, which features a 14-minute instrumental, as well as all kinds of jazz and free jazz (I found out about Albert Ayler and Ornette Coleman from rock critics). Some even like “The End” by The Doors and the second side of Love’s Da Capo. Hell, Robert christgau’s even a Grateful Dead fan. What they don’t like is masturbatory 20-minute drum/guitar solos and songs that meander interminably without any kind of payoff. Or bombastic pseudo-classical pomposity masquerading as rock.
I think we can all agree that if nobody likes something, that probably means it’s bad. I don’t know what that has to do with the discussion, but I’ll gladly grant that you’re correct there.
You seem to waver between whether or not it’s about length or about quality. On the one hand you say “I don’t think it’s about the length” but then you suggest that what is justifiably criticisable as “masturbatory” is a “20 minute drum/guitar solo”.
To me, whether a drum or guitar solo is good or bad depends on whether I like it or not. Not how long it is. There are (in particular) long guitar solos that I’m sad when they end. There are others that I wish they never start, even though I know they’ll only last 8 bars.
As to “masturbatory”, most musos enjoy playing. Whether it’s sex or masturbation depends on whether someone else enjoys it. Which again does not to me depend on length, per se. [Insert penis joke here].