Oops, I probably shouldn’t have linked those midi files directly. I’m reporting myself to have them disabled. (“Reported!”)
Go here instead ( http://hymnal.cjb.net/ ) and search for grand_isle and sine_nomine, if anyone wishes. Sorry about that.
masonite, I wasn’t reading Larry’s as a hymn. Isn’t it a parody of the Rubiyat?
Baker: That’s the very site from which I fetched it!
Well, thank you, Monty!
My offering was to this tune:
It’s a standard LDS children’s song.
Does anyone remember when Opus, from Bloom County, was engaged to Lola Granola? Her mother asked her pastor to visit, and the reverend took a look at one of the Boinger’s tunes. After reading “Let’s guillotione Grandpa” he called out “Leona! Something to slip into the hymns next Sunday!” He also advised Opus’ “Clearasil Messiah from the Shelf” doesn’t rhyme with “Zapping Zits from here to hell” '.
Well damn, my batting average isn’t great tonight. I really thought it was “For All The Saints” – you having just mentioned All Saints’, the Flush downbeat at the beginning, the perfect scansion of most of the lines (compared with F.A.T.S.), the first line of the last stanza which reminded me of us mortals tarrying behind while the Saints are in eternity already – I got carried away and jumped to conclusions, revealing my ignorance of the Rubiyat in the process. It’s been one of those days.
What, don’t hymns to wine count for anything, these days? 
(Great thread, Monty!)
To the tune of Come, Come Ye Saints.
*Come flush the head, your crap must go away,
We’ll know joy, when it’s done.
So do the deed, then push the lever down,
Water flows, then it’s gone.
'Tis better far to be annoyed
A pitting from Monty you might avoid
Do this, and joy, your craps won’t smell,
All is swell, all is swell!*
I think someone else’s sig line is very appropriate here: “Where are we going? And what’s with this handbasket?”
Baptist, too. The grandkids sang it for Big Daddy in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof.
Flush - Down - the Crap,
Your toilet task fulfill,
And make sure that you won’t
Be someone I kill.
Row, Row, Row Your Boat
Flush, flush, down the hole
get that shit away!
Browniness, paper and piss in the bowl
all are gone today!
I Want it That Way (and if I do this just right, fizzy won’t let me have it That Way for about a week)
You are … my shit hole.
The one … whence brown roll
of filth will come from
that shit’s leaving my bum.
Tell me why
that shit I’m seeing ain’t chartreuse.
Tell me why
I’m pissing so much (I drank no booze).
Tell me why
I gotta flush away that scum
when that shit’s left my bum.
You’re so … not flushing
my gifts … I’m dumping
them here … for you to smell.
That stench ring a bell?
Is it bread?
Nah, that shit is far too big for that.
Is it lead?
Nah, that shit didn’t make a big-enough splat.
Tell me what, then, makes my shit look like that.
I ATE A SMURF? How 'bout that?
Now I can see that my shit doth offend
the man occupying that stall there.
No matter the distance
I want you to know
that deep down in side of me…
You are … my shit friend.
And once … I did rend
you from … my colon.
Some day we’ll be one.
Star Spangled Banner
O, say, can you smell—
'cuz I sure as hell do—
that guy just laid fresh hell
I have never smelled worse poo.
What do you think he ate
to produce such a log
of unmatchéd stench? Fate
would have suffer, that dog.
And I do declare now
that he ought to come back
to flush down what he wrought
…for the smell he’ll catch flack.
Oh, say does that man know he did not fucking fluuuuuuuush
I say in return for that, we give him a bum rush.
Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desiring (as long as we’re going with a religious theme)
I do declare that the man next to me
has now just left, took a shit and did pee.
I did not hear the commode by my right
dispersing waste down the pipe … oh, the blight!
Fetch him at once, make him smell what he left…
surely of all manner this dolt’s bereft.
I leave you all now, who wallow in this
horrible stench rife with shit and green piss!
Methodist, too - I sang that one in Sunday School.
This one, too:
This little shit of mine, I won’t let it smell
This little shit of mine, I won’t let it smell
This little shit of mine, I won’t let it smell
Flush it down, flush it down, flush it down.
My poor mother.
Your mother is shit?
Dunno if you meant it to go to this, ** matt**, but to continue:
All of you shitters flush it down the drain,
Please, don’t make all our songs here be in vain!
Flush - Down - the Crap…
(tune: Crucifer, used as the melody for “Lift High the Cross”, can be found at http://www.cyberhymnal.org/htm/l/i/lifthigh.htm. WARNING: the midi file plays automatically on the linked page.)
I think I may assemble these offerings into a couple of song books, one for the religious, and one for the secular songs!
I don’t care if your colon rushes
Long as you are the one who flushes
All of your shit right down the toilet pipe.
I can’t stand the smell of poo-poo,
Shit or crap or other doo-doo
Making the air smell extremely over ripe.
{Tune: A Mighty Fortress}
A mighty dumping took place here,
and it was not flushed from this sphere.
It lies there stinking up the place,
It burns the hair right off my face.
Ask ye, who did this,
for a Right jerk he is!
a clueless stupid guy,
who left feces behind.
the stink it e’er remaineth.
Amazing Flush! How sweet the sound
after you take a shit!
It once was gross but went away.
we won’t take you to the pit.
Flush for your neighbor’s sake.
Flush and give us a break.
Flush and be nice.
Flush, let the water flow
Down to the sewer below
So it won’t overflow
Into the hall.
Hymn: “Come Thou Almighty King”
http://www.cyberhymnal.org/htm/c/t/ctak.htm
This is fun.
My apologies to Deep Purple for ruining, Hush.
Found a little turd floatin in the bowl
No doubt about it, ain’t too old
It’s not the biggest I’ve ever seen
But, whoever left it sure is mean
Flush, flush
Whish that turd could tell me your name now
Flush, flush
Left it there and it’s starting to stink now
Flush, flush
Wish it could tell me your name now
Flush, flush
I need to have someone to blame now
Crap, Crap
Gotta do it early in the morning
Crap, crap
Gotta do it late in the evening
Flush, flush
Well, I want to find you
Flush, flush
Oh, I gotta, gotta find you