As some of you know, occasionally I post a bunch of so-called “gems” that I gather from some of the many assessment tests that I help score at a college. These are essay tests that help us to place students into ESL or English classes at various levels. Below is the most recent collection of gems, with all errors, glitches, and weirdness left intact. Enjoy, and feel free to spread them around.
Gems, Winter/Spring 2007:
John Locke was the founder of the Declaration of Independence.
Insurance helps protect you from any harmful sources such as the flu.
My father passed away in a fatal accident, leaving my brothers and I as bastards.
Happiness is many different things to many different people: a wedding day or a dentist visit.
Every good man has a woman in his behind.
When reality hits me in the face, I chew it, and out spits something positive.
There are many electronical devices inhibiting the world today.
There are two bad things in life: sex without a condom and going over your minutes.
I like the feeling of accomplishing the worst.
Without happiness there be kaos.
She is there to say “nothing is worse than thinking you peed your pants in church.”
I kept a cool and leveled head.
Oregon is an outgoing state!
She continued to ejaculate derisions.
During my years of living I learned alots of things from games, sports, school and last but not least sex aswell.
One day I were to be their as well and I would be one of those successful without a career if I decide to not go to college but all is well because my plan is to go to college if my plan fails.
The word of God (Bible) is backed up by science, when it says how the earth is round before Columbus ever knew it.
He would come back the next day drunk with hickies.
Human beings have never been sedimentary.
I enjoy watching diversity of birds and insects passing through my eyes.
The television could be a waist-of-time or it could be really reproductive.
It’s a doggie dog world.
The student was shiting on his test. [cheating]
As a child my mother was a single parent.
The only thing that will hurt you is, if you let stress and anger crumble you down into a paper ball.
For me especially Disney movies I don’t like because inside the movies are negative messages, bad manners, bad words and magic things that can affect our children’s brain.
Cell phones are very useful when you run into an accident.
The earthquake measured 6.0 on the rectal scale.
To discover a good thing on TV would be like looking for a fresh lettuce in a trash can.
