After reading yet another book by that fine author L. Ron Hubbard, I realized he is right. If you feel a burning desire to start a new religion it is your ethical duty to do it. The loss of poor souls because of my failure to do my duty would result in my eternal damnation to the hell of non-sensible, circular arguments. To prevent this I am following my calling and starting the First Church of the Lswotes. Through many dreams that I have only recently understood, I must tell mankind of my discoveries. But not to lose sight of my great friend and mentor L. Ron, I am trying to use his wisdom in setting out my church for the poor unwashed.
My visions have shown me that people named jenkinsfan in a non-cleared state will insult people with offending sig lines and pretend to show concern for others by insulting their arguments while actually not trying to understand a word of it. I have the ability to eviscerate these people of their unsound thinking processes through the use of my newly perfected New Testament clearing machine. This machine is free for my followers’ use and is administered by my trained, professional staff. They have the highest credentials and training and their services are provided at no cost to my loving following with only a small $1000 surcharge for stationary for each session. A cleared jenkinsfan will be no longer have the fog of the New Testament clouding their vision and will accept other people’s curses with a smile and the extension of the middle finger.
My calling demands I follow my visions. You jenkinsfans have nothing to lose but your faulty arguments and your inability to listen to others.
And here all this time I thought it was “I” swote. Those lower-case L’s are a booger, huh?
Thanks for clearing that up!
Lswote, Lswote…
Re: the sig line–I do hear you, yeah.
But the other stuff, hey, you oughta know by now, if you’re talkin’ to a Fundie, especially if you’re talkin’ to somebody who by his own admission says he came over here from the Left Behind MB just to witness, you are by definition talkin’ to someone whose mind is already made up. This is a surprise to you? ::: look of incomprehension ::: You mean you served T-bone steak to a bunch of vegans and they wouldn’t eat it? The nerve a some people…
Whoa, we’re gettin’ too damn many churches around these parts. First there was the Church of David B, then I declared UncleBeer’s Church o’ Apathy and now we have lswote’s temple.
When are we going to take care of our temporal needs? It looks like the spiritual stuff is more than covered.
Could I just teach the Sunday school so that I do not have to listen to the sermon?
I’ll even help to make the costumes for the Christmas play…are we still having Christmas?
I just put on a batch of wine for communion…none of that grape juice shit for this church, nope not gonna have the fake stuff, can’t do it, just wouldn’t be right.
Get some good faith and morality going, and then it has to get codified into a religion–and then follow CHURCHES, which mean footnotes, pettifogging, picking of nits, deconstructionist interpretations, mastubatory liturgical footnotes and translation catfights. (Pogroms, sectarian slaughter, crusdades, jihads and inquisitorial tortures to follow…)
A pox on all your houses. May ye be judged by the selfsame principles you espouse.
Continue without me, thanks all the same. Confused, muddled but basically kindly folks, c’mon over. The food ain’t fancy, but there’s always enough to share.
Your faith is yours. Don’t blather on about it. Wash your hands. Sit down, pass the platters, be nice to the person next to you and sneak a few bites to the critters under the table.
