So back in December, I needed to get a standard letter from my bank for the government (I live in France) saying that I had a certain arbitrary (I think it was 420 Euros) in my account to renew my student visa. I was 60 short and in order to get the letter I needed that day I asked a friend if I could borrow the money from him for a few hours (as soon as I had the letter I would be allowed to take the money back out).
Unfortunately our schedules never seemed to sync-up and despite my expressed willingness to meet him where ever was convenient he could not propose a time for me to drop off the cash. After about a week of this, he sent me a message asking me to leave the funds in his student mailbox which unfortunately is not secured (the boxes are just slots for the 1000 students without any locks).
So there was about one more week of school before the Christmas break during-which time my friend neglected to pickup the cash. Fast-forward to the new year and about a month after I initially put the money in the box, I see my friend at a bar. He asks if he can go pick up the money (I had actually sent him a text confirming it was ready immediately after dropping off the cash) to which I replied yes, apparently at this point he still had yet to check his mail. He also mentioned that he had told at least one other person that if they needed any emergency cash while he was out of town (for the holidays) they were welcome to take the cash in his mailbox.
So you can all surely guess where this story is going: lo and behold, after waiting more than a month and telling other people about the money in his box, when he finally checks the mail the cash is nowhere to be found.
He now wants me to pay him another 60 Euros because he feels I am responsible for what happened. I feel bad that he did me a favour and now got burnt because of it but at the same time I don’t feel that I am responsible for what happened.
I am still not sure what the right thing to do in this situation is and so I thought I’d ask here for advice?
While I think it’s primarily your friend’s fault since you sent confirmation at the time you dropped it off (which he seemingly affirmed), and he told people about the money, you should never give anybody cash without getting a receipt. If you don’t get a receipt, you are opening yourself to this sort of thing.
Either way, this is probably gonna come down to how much you want to keep this person as a friend. Not paying would likely end your friendship. I don’t think you have a moral obligation to pay him again, but you should recognize that the cost of not doing it is probably losing a friend. Perhaps you can compromise by offering half.
I think he’s either trying to pull one over on you or he’s a grossly irresponsible person who was too lazy to pick up his own money. You don’t want either one as a friend.
If he’d never lent you the money, he wouldn’t be missing it now. Sure, he did something stupid, but he only had a reason to do something stupid because he did you a favor. Legally, you owe him nothing; morally, I think you should meet him half way.
brickbacon has it right IMO. Only you know what kind of friend he is (one who will spot you 60 Euros on a whim, which is pretty good) and if there are other circumstances going on here. It does seem odd that it took a month to pay back a 1 hour loan. I’d have to ask about the person who was told about the money.
Pay up again and you will always thinks he’s stiffed you.
Don’t pay up and maybe he will think that you stiffed him ( or maybe he knows better)
Seriously, the only thing you can do is figure whether the friendship is worth 60 Euro.
Personally, I’m surprised he would ask again especially after you already told him that you had deposited the cash in his mailbox.
But me being me would probably give him another 60 Euro but this time I would ram it down his throat, thus removing all doubt that he had received his cash! ( but then again its because am sick of getting stiffed by so called friends)
If you really want to try and avoid an ugly confrontation, possibly negatively impacting your friendship, here’s what I would do.
I go to him and point out that you both have some responsibility in what happened, (you repaid a debt leaving money in an unsecured place, he mentioned it to several people, picked the spot, and waited a month to check on it), but since he was kind enough to make you the loan initially, you’d like to split the cost with him, though you can ill afford to do so. Offer him 30 euros in cash and hand shake.
In my opinion you don’t owe it to him, morally or otherwise. You paid your debt and it is done. But, you may decide he is worth it (since I agree you almost certainly lose him as a friend if you do not pay) and give him the money again, but if you do so, you need to do it with that understanding in your heart. You are giving that money to retain him as a friend and he is worth it. If you give it and feel used, you are throwing away your money because you will always resent it, and it will fester and eventually end the friendship (in my opinion).
So, if you decide the friendship is “worth” 60 Euro, buy it and be happy with your purchase. Otherwise keep your money. If you do decide to pay him, I strongly agree with the above poster; make sure he gets the money in hand this time!!
thanks for all the input so far everyone! I’ve never found myself in a situation quite like this before and so receiving some objective perspective is most helpful indeed.
He’s not my friend so I haven’t a stake in the matter, and only you can answer that. As an outside observer, though, I cannot believe he’s asking you to pay again. You did exactly as he asked to pay it back, it’s not YOUR FAULT that someone else took it. I’m flabbergasted that he would even ask.
It’s not so much a question of whether his friendship is worth 60 euros to you. It’s more… why you would want to continue to be friends with someone who is trying to hold you accountable for his fiscal irresponsibility?
You cannot be absolutely sure that he didn’t get the money and is just trying to double-charge you, either.
I should also say, you have some responsibility in this too, andrea - I imagine you won’t be leaving money lying around instead of putting it right into someone’s hands in the future.
Yes I absolutely bare some responsibility in this sense, despite the fact I was just following his wishes I should have said I wasn’t comfortable with this idea.
Sisu: of course I put it there, as evidenced by the txt I sent him within 30 seconds of leaving it there.
I don’t know. . .if I owe someone money and they say “put it here” and I say “I’d rather wait until I can give it to you in person” and they say “I don’t want to wait that long. It’s my money and I want you to leave it in my box”, do you really even have the right not to? I mean, it is their money. They have the right to demand it back when and where they want it.
So the guy has given you the necessary 60 euros that made sure you wouldnt be expelled from France and you ask yourself who’s the one in debt? It’s you.
Your friend is an idiot for not going to collect his money back right away, and for telling you to leave it in a non secure place, but in the end, it only happened because he helped you out.
And the meeting halfway sounds really really cheap. Pay him back in full. And making a scene when you give him the money doesnt help. Just register him in your “not entirely trustable” friend slot.
Where does that end, though? I mean, if your friend gives you a lift home and then gets a speeding ticket while driving back to their own place, are you obligated to pay it? If someone cooks you dinner but cuts themselves in the process, do you have to pay their medical bills?
Not only did this guy select the drop off point for the money, which you dutifully confirmed with him when you left it there, but he explicitly told other people where it was and told them to help themselves. And now he thinks you’re responsible for the money not being there? What a jerk!
