We recently had a contractor at work that had a very pronounced speech impediment. Specifically he stuttered about as badly as I had ever heard. I would sit and wait for him to get his words out even though I knew what he was going to say. A colleague of mine (who didn’t know him either) would finish his words for him.
What is considered proper in this situation? I didn’t feel that I knew him well enough to ask him. I thought it might be awkward for him. I know that it would have been for me.
I think what you’re doing right now is the best solution. Finishing his words sounds really patronizing to me, but IMHO and all that.
I used to have a co-worker who had somewhat of a stutter (wasn’t as bad as what you describe). I never asked, but I think the best way to deal with it is to ignore it. Resist the temptation to finish words/sentences. It may take getting used to, but I think the contractor would appreciate it.
My guess is that people with speech impediments are well aware of it, and have probably worked hard to overcome being self-conscious of it. The less you make of it, the more comfortable they’ll feel.
Former stutterer, grades 5 through 11. I agree whole-heartedly with “ignoring” it and patiently waiting for him to finish speaking.
People would finish my words and sentences, and it was like they were constantly replacing my thoughts with their own.
I still occasionally stutter, especially when I’m anxious or wanting to strategically interrupt someone, and I still get waves of panic when my tongue trips over itself.
Combine waves of panic with waves of frustration, and they become exponential.
A former co-worker of mine stuttered very badly. Just wait it out and let him get it out. The more the stutterer feels impatience from you or interruption, the more frustrated and nervous he’ll get. Finishing for him is incredibly rude and your colleague needs to be corrected.
Asking the person would only clear the air that much faster, I don’t think you need to know him well to ask as long as it’s in private. He would appreciate the question and would not be offended by you trying to find out how to be polite.
I think I would have kicked my colleague in the shin under the table!
Another former stammerer here. While patient listening is very welcome I never had a problem with people saying a particular word for me that I couldn’t get out – in fact I often used to gesture for them to do so, which would free me up to repeat it and get on with what I was trying to say.
The current returning officer for my riding stammers. The first time we met with him, he said, “First things first: I stammer. I will eventually get it out. Please wait for it and don’t try to help.”
That seemed to clear things up neatly.
I respect this view but, as a former Premier League stammerer, I disagree.
People listening to you are primarily trying to help out in what they see as a difficult situation for you. This would seem to be socially generous.
Only it isn’t, because often they come in with the wrong word and you have to start all over again. A singular exception to this rule would be sitting in class reading aloud parts from Shakespeare. I once spent two minutes trying to rouse the troops at Agincourt before giving up and telling the rest of the class to read the fucking book.
A related question to the OP would be what do you do when trying to communicate with a stammerer on the telephone when you don’t know he stammers.
I had an employee who stammered so I asked him how he wanted me to treat him about it. He said that overall he hates it when people finish his sentences in a work context but doesn’t mind when close friends do it to save him the effort. He also said that it would be obvious when he wanted us to finish a sentence for him and it was. He had a hand motion and look on his face that was unmistakable. The guy was brilliant and no one ever minded waiting to hear what he had to say. I’d say when in doubt, don’t finish his thoughts for him.
As a former stammerer I would agree: Let them finish their own thoughts.
I have a question for those who stammer. When people are waiting for you to finish your sentence would you prefer that they maintain eye contact or does that just make it worse? Looking away seems a bit rude to me but maybe it’s the most polite thing to do.
Never, EVER break into the “P.P.P.Pick up a penguin.” ad. It’s not big, and it’s not clever! :mad:
I prefered to have people look at me, because looking away implied impatience and boredom. If looking at me was causing the problem, I would be the one to look away.
I once shared an office with a man who had a rather severe stammer. I chose to let him finish unless he showed he wanted help.
After a while, when it was just the two of us in the office and he was relaxed, it disappeared altogether. In his case, it seemed to be entirely triggered by nerves/adrenaline. In his case, my patience paid off in the end for us both.
I specifically asked this question of a former co-worker I was on very good terms with. He said to just wait.
Former stutterer here as well. When I would break into a stuttering fit, it was frustrating because I knew what I was trying to say, it’s almost like my mouth couldn’t keep up with my brain. So I found when people finished my sentences for me, it was distracting because in my mind, I had already completed that sentence. So I would have to cognitively go back and confirm if that was the meaning I was trying to get across, and then start the thought process over again. I found it tended to make it a bit worse for me.
I still stutter today a bit; when I’m excited or have had a bit too much to drink. Or both.
I have a colleague who has the habit of finishing everyone’s sentences. There are no stutterers in the group. It is incredibly annoying.
Typing stutterer feels like its meaning.