Evaluate my country song

Cafe Society
1

Hmmm, does posting original song lyrics here constitute “publication” for the purposes of copyright? Eh, who cares.

George Jones is the second person on my list of the three most important country music singers of all time (not a ranking, it’s chronological)

Hank Williams: Popularized country music
George Jones: Legitimized country music
George Strait: Perfected country music

So I first seriously got into country music 30 years ago. Entirely by accident. I was 20 years old, and the only listenable station on my car’s (a 1975 Buick Apollo, which I got from my grandmother) AM radio changed its format to country music. I was displeased, but George Strait hooked me, and I really fell in love with George Jones.

So eventually, I was 21 or so, sitting in a bar, and decided to write a George Jones song. I think I did a pretty good job. It’s a waltz. Try to hear The Possum’s voice:
Costing Me You

I come in at three, on my hands and my knees
As usual stoned out of my mind
Been payin’ my dues, but I make some excuse
“I guess I didn’t notice the time”

I do my best, as I get undressed
To explain why I’ve come home this way
But I guess it will keep; you’ve gone back to sleep
You don’t want to hear what I say

Chorus:
I never wanted these things to happen
But I can’t seem to quit what I do
I’m just buyin’ time with each bottle of wine
But I’m afraid it’s costing me you

The price is too high, and I don’t know why
I keep drinkin’ away all my nights
On a stool at the bar I take it too far
While you’re waitin’ back home. It ain’t right.

Awake in our bed with hopes in your head
That I might be sober this time
But you know I won’t be. When I come in at three
You know what you’re gonna find

Chorus:
I never wanted these things to happen
But I can’t seem to quit what I do
I’m just buyin’ time with each bottle of wine
But I’m afraid it’s costing me you

©1987/2016 Rik Osborne, etc. etc.

2

Not enough Pick-up Trucks, dead dogs, sick kids and Mommas dyin’.

No, actually, it’s not too bad. Maybe a little short.

If you record it, I’ll play drums for free, if you pay my way.

3

You know what you get when you play a country record backwards?

I think everyone does, so I’m not gonna bother.

4

From here:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/You_Never_Even_Called_Me_by_My_Name

5

Damn, pretty good song. It could use some redemption for the main character, but country songs don’t always get that.

And as far as copyright goes, as soon as you produce it in tangible form, it’s copyrighted under the Berne convention.

6

Rascal Flatts will explain it :stuck_out_tongue:

7

Evaluate my country song

I say quite good, and I understand and appreciate traditional country music. This fits right in.

8

It’s hard to evaluate without hearing it. Your lyrics seem to scan well, but I have no musical talent whatsoever, so I really can’t imagine how it would sound. I’d be glad to listen to it if that was possible…

9

I’ll see what I can do about that. Sadly, the closest thing I have to “recording equipment” is my iMac’s built-in microphone, and I have been very unsatisfied with how poorly it captures my singing voice. But I’ll give it a shot.

10

I loved Hank Williams until I discovered George Jones and then I found out that Merle Haggard had other songs than “Okie from Muskogee.” I’ve never heard or realized I was listening to George Strait, my favorite contemporary male performer would be Vince Gill. This is just to let you know that I think we have some similar likes. I think you know that your song is terrible (sorry, really.) It’s the ultimate cliche and has no real story to tell and some of the lyrics (such as “paying my dues”) make no sense. You seem to have some writing ability but somehow I doubt whether that song took longer than a couple of days, if that, to write. Try rewriting it while remembering that George Jones’s songs all have a story which may involve drinking, but not only drinking, and always with a great hook. Merle Haggard’s best songs were autobiographical. You might follow that approach.

11

You really should read the agreement before you post things. Not only does posting here constitute publication, it also gives the Wrapports LLC the publication rights. They can now sell your song if they wish.

12

Reads pretty well, but maybe I wouldn’t used “stoned” in the first stanza. Seems out of place.

13

To me, it reads like a pretty standard, somewhat old-timey Country song (and I mean that in a complimentary way). I do feel like there should be a last verse where the singer has actually lost his significant other; maybe the last line is, “I’m afraid it’s cost me you.”

Interestingly, the line that struck me most as a good song title (and theme) was “I guess I didn’t notice the time.” I think you could build a similar type of song around that line; two or three verses of repeated excuses as to why the singer has come home late from carousing and drinking, and a last verse where he comes home to find all her things gone and a good-bye note on the kitchen counter. Again, wouldn’t necessarily be breaking new ground, but would certainly be in the tradition of Country music.

IvoryTowerDenizen, I thought “Stoned” was very appropriate if Mister Rik is trying to write a “George Jones” song; can’t pull any cites out of my butt at the moment, but I feel like I’ve heard it a lot in older Country songs as a synonym for “drunk.” Nowadays it almost always means high on pot, but I feel like it adds a bit of a slightly-out-of-date feel to the lyric. I am perfectly open to being proven completely wrong about that, though.

14

Fair enough. I am by no means or by any human definition a country song “expert”!!! :slight_smile:

15

I have no musical talent and am not especially a fan of country music and I don’t know what the melody is supposed to be, but when I sing it in my head with the melody that seems to fit, I really really like it.

16

My biggest worry about it is the melody. I was trying so hard to write something George Jones might have sung that I may have unconsciously copied the tune of an actual George Jones song, but damned if I can say which one :frowning:

denquixote - Fair criticisms, and I can’t disagree too much. But you’re overestimating the time it took to write. IIRC, I scribbled it out in less than an hour while sitting at the bar. But keep in mind that, at the time, I was still new to country music in general and George Jones in particular. Ultimately, 30 years later, my catalog of original lyrics is tiny, mainly because I’m always very unsatisfied with them. I’ve always been a fan of artists with great lyrics, and I never feel like my own efforts measure up.

My forte is in composing original music. I’ve always felt that I would do better partnering with a lyricist. Some years ago, I came up with a bunch of (IMO) pretty good music, but damned if I could think of lyrics. So I found an old hymnal and thumbed through it until I found lyrics (from hymns old enough to be in the public domain) that fit with the music. The results turned out pretty good.

17

Evaluate my country song

Not scary or redneck enough. Try using banjos.

18

I’m hearing the verses, but not the chorus, sung perfectly to the tune of “I’ve Got Friends In Low Places” Also, I like it.

19

I have listened to a lot of country music in my life and I liked it. It could use a little cleaning up and polishing but the meter is really good. I am not musically inclined at all but I read it and heard the song vividly which is very unusual for me. I imagined George Strait singing it and it came to life but lots of other classic performers could have done it as well.

I think you have talent as a songwriter. Yours is much better than songs that regularly appear on Country radio. With some small changes, you may be able to make it a hit. Don’t go for the cliches like other people are saying. That is a trap. Keep it simple, genuine, and timeless.

20

I think it’s very good.