I’ve heard of people being asked to wear something pink for a breast cancer victim’s funeral. I’ve also come across people being asked to wear bright colours for a child or young person’s funeral.
For the funeral of a youngish friend of mine there was a request not to wear black and to wear “your normal clothes”. As the deceased often wore all black himself and a great many of his friends were punks and goths, for whom black was normal wear this caused mild consternation… As it turned out the steps of the cemetery were graced with people in black with accents of purple, red and other colours and all was well.
Sounds like a southern black church thing to me. They’re always coming up with color code dress days at the church where I was working. I can see them doing something like that for a funeral because it can be such a big event. Hope this doesn’t come off as racist or anything; it’s just something I’ve noticed.
I’ve never heard of it. Is it a custom where you live? Do you notice it at other (nonfamily) funerals? I’m not sure I’d go along, although I guess that would lead to rumors of a family rift if they’re all in peach and I’m in black.
I haven’t been to a family funeral in decades and there were no requests to wear some sort of mourning uniform then. I have been to more than a few children’s funerals where the family has requested attendees wear the child’s favourite colour.
When my mother died, her grandchildren all wore something purple because it was her favorite color, and because most of them were infants and had no choice in the matter - my sisters decided on it. I just had my daughter put on a purple blouse, my older niece also wore a purple dress, and the babies wore purple shirts or dresses. Everyone remarked on how cute they looked, and there were no objections.
Later that same year, I attended the funeral of a childhood friend who died of a heart attack. His immediate family all wore red, along with several other attendees. I was a bit surprised to see all those red shirts and dresses until it was explained to me that they all belonged to the same church and the congregation had agreed to do this in advance.
At my grandmother’s funeral last year everyone had to wear blue. Not sure why, but I think it “worked” in making us all look and feel like one family. Also I like that everyone had to go to that little extra effort: not just show up in the same suit as your job interview.
Black wouldn’t have that feeling of solidarity since it’s such a common colour* to wear anyway.
And also…it’s morbid. Yes, I know, I know: it’s a funeral, but many people would not want their funerals to be like that. Dignified, yes, but not about who cries the hardest or looks the most goth.
I mean colour in the qualia sense, not that black has a specific hue
First, I am sorry for your losses. In answer to your question, Yes, I have seen this.
A friend of mine, who had for many decades been an official for many sports, had requested that his colleagues wear to his funeral, the uniform that they had worn when working with him. After a long battle with it, he died of cancer.
There were many Football, Basketball, and Volleyball Referees, as well as many Baseball and Softball Umpires in attendance at his funeral. I suspect that this happens often with folks that work in an environment where some kind of uniform is required.
The only dressing alike for funerals is the common understanding that you wear dark clothing because it’s more reserved (and therefore more respectful). The idea is to respect the dead and wear nothing that draws attention to yourself. If I’m told to dress like someone else to the point of looking the same; that is classic Attention Seeking Behavior and a funeral is not the place for it if you ask me.
When my cousin died I was asked to be a pallbearer, to which I agreed, and asked to wear a black cowboy hat, to which I demurred.
At first I caught some flack, but it was short notice and I was at a loss on where to get such a hat. Only 4 of the pall bearers ended up wearing the hats, so I didn’t stand out
