How about a thread made up of clever plans that backfired? Everyone chip in your story. Here’s mine:
When I was in college I worked in a photo developing lab. My job was to take in all the film, develop it and print it.
Our lab was probably the largest one in the city, so we got the lion’s share of the out-of-town film. That is, rolls of film that were dropped off for developing in the drugstores of the little one-horse towns in the surrounding area. They didn’t have facilities to develop and print the films themselves, so they mailed them to us. One day I happened to notice a roll of film that had come in from the tiny town of Grey Eagle. Grey Eagle is a goodly drive north of where I lived and barely qualifies as a wide spot in the road. It’s got a restaurant and a gas station/convenience store and that’s about it. The only reason I knew of it’s existence is that I used to drive through it on a regular basis. I noticed this particular roll of film from Grey Eagle because the name written on it was the name of a friend of mine. Both his first and last names are pretty common, so I think to myself “Gee, someone in Grey Eagle has the same name as my buddy Steve,” and thought no more about it. I put the roll of film into the machine for processing.
When the film came out of the processor, two things were immediately clear.
It was a roll of amateur pornography featuring a young couple. The woman I did not know but-
The man was indeed my friend Steve. :eek:
So here’s how I reconstruct what happened. Ol’ Steve and his new girlfriend decided to do a little private photo shoot. That’s fine. It’s their business. I hope they had a fantastic time. After the deed is done he is thinking to himself “Hmmm, what can I do with this roll of film? I don’t want to take a chance on anyone I know catching sight of it. That would be embarrassing. I know! I’ll drive out to some middle-of-nowhere town and drop it off there. Let’s see… I don’t know a soul in… Grey Eagle.”
The convenience store in Grey Eagle, not equipped to develop photos, pornographic or otherwise, mails the roll of film right back to the city. There it lounges inconspicuously in the new arrivals bin until yours truly picks it up. Needless to say I was a little surprised.
Needless to say Steve would have been too, if I had ever worked up the nerve to tell him.
I quit a good job, (a very, very good job), to work overseas. The plan was to work overseas for as long as possible and save a huge sum of money, come back to the states, and live happily everafter. The overseas job started out great. The money was pouring into the bank account, just as I planned. Then the company I was working for told me to falsify some documents to cover up theft and collusion. I have just a little too much integrity for that kind of shit, so I had to quit. They SUED me for breech of contract! I had to get an attorney and counter-sue. I finally won the case, but I had spent everything I had saved. I also went through most of my other savings before I found another job. The job I found? Same company I had left, same labor grade level, same salary, different department.
Highest paying teaching job in Europe. Only eight of us had the position.
One day, we all got together and decided that a new head of the department would be a good idea - one who was more innovative and open to suggestions.
We carefully crafted a letter, signed it, and sent it off to the person in charge of training.
They fired all eight of us, kept the current head of the department who quickly filled the eight positions.
Did I learn?
No.
First week of the job at the Major Film Studio.
A big card was being passed around for one of the studio heads and I cleverly signed “Happy Birthday” in four languages and signed my name.
I’d show them who the clever new kid in the department was - they would notice me and soon I would be in the Development Department choosing films and…
About an hour later, three managers came to my desk.
“Did you write this?”
“Yes.”
One of the managers took the white out from my desk and did his best to cover what I had written as it was too late to send the card around again - almost 100 people had signed it.
You see, it was a Sympathy card for the man, whose mother had just died, and I probably would have noticed that if I had bothered to look at the front of the card instead of wishing him a Happy Birthday in multiple languages.
In 9th grade I tried out for colorguard-my best friend was on the squad. I tried practicing with the big flag poles in my bedroom and shattered the light fixture cover and knocked the bulb out.