Ever not believe the story you're telling?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Have you ever been explaining something to somebody and find yourself not believing your own story?

This happened to me the other day in a phone conversation. I recently discovered the location of my grandmother’s ashes at a local crematorium, where they’ve been sitting in an area called “The Tower” (sort of a Potter’s Field for cremains) for the last 75 years. So I called the place and asked what I would need to do to claim the urn.

Me: ::explain what I want to do::
Her: Are you a relative?
Me: Yes, I’m her grandson.
Her: Is your father alive?
Me: No, he died in the 60s.
Her: And where is he buried?
Me: Somewhere in Fairbanks, AK
Her: Do you know the cemetery?
Me: Nope. I didn’t know the guy and had nothing to do with his burial.
Her: Do you have something showing your relationship to your father and to your grandmother?
Me: Like what?
Her: Birth certificate?
Me: Well, my stepfather adopted me, so my last name isn’t the same, and the birth certificate was changed to reflect that.
Her: Is your grandfather still alive?
Me: No, he died of diabetes complications in 1915
Her: Your mother?
Me: No, she died in the 90s and never spoke about that side of the family.
Her: Do you have any other documents?
Me: Well, I may have a baptismal certificate, but it’s in my fire safe and I’ve lost the keys to it (this is where I started thinking ‘boy, does this sound like some sort of scam’)
Her: Wellllll…without some sort of direct link, we can’t release the remains. What about another family member?
Me: My brother took care of the burial, but we’re estranged at the moment.
Her: :: silence::
Me: Hey, I know this starting to sound fishy to you, but honestly, I’m on the up and up.

I think if I’d been her, I’d have probably hung up on me.

Have you ever been in this sort of situation? Without being Ummkay, that is?

2

How do we know you’re really Chefguy?

3

Is **Chefguy ** *even *his real name?

4

No birth certificate? Definitely born in Kenya.

5

Ni mimi! Kwa uaminifu!

Did I just say that out loud? :smack:

6

Well, close.

I have a dear brother who is utterly sweet, trustworthy and also not stupid.

Which makes it a little odd that he was stopped by TSA when trying to board a plane because he had a butterfly knife in a pocket of his laptop bag.

When pulled into a room he told them it was not his knife. The laptop with bag had been issued to him at work and the knife must have been left there by a previous employee. It had never occurred to him to search all the pockets.

As he’s telling me this story I know it’s the complete truth but I’m thinking, “It’s not my knife! Next thing you’re going to say is these aren’t my pants!”.

He said he was feeling the same thing, telling the truth but knowing how ridiculous it sounded.

In fact the police (because after a bit the TSA guys called the police) asked him “What would you think if someone were telling you this story?” and he said, “I would think they were lying.”

In a way the most unbelievable part of this story is that his purity of heart was so clear that they eventually believed him and he was A) not charged with a crime and B) able to board the flight!

He is on some sort of watch list for 25 years though.

7

I have been endowed by my creator with the ability to speak in such an arch manner during normal conversation that I am often not believed and accused of bullshitting, even if it’s something as mundane as telling someone the time. It is one of my dubious superpowers.

Consequently, I use this skill often for my own entertainment. I find it is most puzzling to others when I use an absolutely straight face and neutral tone.