I was heading down to MD to visit my friends and go to the WHFS Nutcracker this past December. When I woke up I wasn’t feeling 100% but I didn’t want to miss the concert.
So there I am driving from New Jersey down to MD on a Saturday morning. I’m dojng 70 on I-95 somwhere in MD. I know I passed Ripkin Stadium but didn’t pass the exit that has the Best Buy at it and I feel sick. I pull from the left lane into the right shoulder in a matter of seconds, put the car in park, open the door and puke right there. Some blows back into the car door.
I feel fine after that so I got off at the exit with the Best Buy went to a gas station bought some ginger ale and a package of cleaning tissues and cleaned up the car and my winter jacket,
I make it to my friends house and I am feeling fine.
We get in his car and he drives us to the Venue. I believe it was GMU in VA.
I’m starting to feel sick on the ride down to GMU but I’m breething deeply and seem to be keeping myself in check.
We park the car and start warlking towards the building and right in front of a security guy I puke in the grass again.
The guard says are you ok? I responded with I think I have the flu.
At home we had just purchased and chilled a fresh watermelon. You can probably see where this is going now but if not I’ll add a bit more. I absolutely LOVE watermelon. My favorite fruit! It was tasty, juicy, and ice cold so I just continued shoveling it in.
Now here’s the rest!
We decide for some reason after everyone is done eating to go to Wal-Mart to get something. I don’t really know what but for whatever reason we were there. We’re at the front of the store when I realize I don’t feel so hot and I head for the bathroom in the way back of the store. I head down a main aisle to the back wall of the store and before I make the corner into the back aisle I pause and bend over. Watermelon ALL over.
Still not feeling well I turned the corner and continued on my way to the bathroom. No luck. Right around the corner again I bent over and even more watermelon was discharged. After that I made it to the bathroom and was able to clean myself up and settle down. Not quite sure what caused it but taking a breather and some cool water cured me pretty quick.
Here’s the best part!
On the way out we were passing by the scene of the incident where a poor Wal-Mart employee was charged with cleaning up my mess. He didn’t know it was me as I walked by but I couldn’t help but laugh when he said to a passing co-worker, “Ewwww, he eats the seeds!”
Once when I was ten a Tyranasaurus threw our SUV down into a tall tree, well the tree was at the bottom of a big cliff so… Oh wait.
When I was in second or third grade I felt a little queasy in class so the teacher sent me to the nurse. The classrooms were separated from the little wooden office by a large lawn with a concrete walkway so you could stay dry when they flooded the grass. I met the principal, Mr. Wessner, coming the other way. He seemed to be in a peachy mood and gave me a hearty greeting:
“Well Mr. (Padeye), how are you this fine morning?”
I looked up at him and responded with , “mff mff BLOOOORRRRCH!!!.”
His smile turned into a look of disgust as if he had gotten dogshit on his new Italian loafers and in the process of cleaning them got a little on his upper lip. “Just… do it on the grass next time, ok kid?”