Everything I know, I learned from Angel

Cafe Society
1

I’ve only bee watching AtS since the middle of last season, but I’ve made a discovery about the show. Like the Show It Was Spun Off From, Angel is full of valuabe life lessons. You can learn many useful things from watching the show. Things like…

When you have to do someting painful like kill your son then arrange for a time wonk so that he can have grown up in a happy family, make sure you have your friends’ memories of him wiped, and live with the pain alone.

Perpetual Torment tastes exactly like Mountain Dew.

If you’ve recently died saving the world and find yourself brought back as a ghost, you should, as far as possible, annoy the people who are in a position to help you.

If you’re part demon, and you have sex with someone who is the child of two vampires, the resultant offspring will be a rogue Power That Be. This offspring will need to eat about a dozen human beings a day. Be prepared. Have a hotel handy to store them in.

If the Woman You… is in a coma, you should immediately run back to your ex-girlfriend and commence sucking face.

If you’re in Las Vegas, at the Tropicana, and you want someone to meet you at the Golden Nugget, take the car and don’t leave them with any other vehicle. He’ll enjoy the two hour + walk from Tropicana Ave. to Fremont Street. Really. No, not really. He’ll just sit there playing slots.

“Make sure Fluffy’s getting plenty of love” is the internationally recognized code for “I’m being held prisoner, please come and rescue me.”

Being a Higher Being is boring.

The show is currently in its fifth season, and I’m sure that the first three and a half seasons also contained many drops of great wisdom.

Anyone else care to contribute?

2

Spells never do what the caster intends for them to do

3

Sex with robots is more common than people think.

4

The devil once built a robot.

5

If two women from your past show up and start making your life miserable, the best way to handle the situation is to trick them into standing in a puddle of gasoline in an alleyway so you can flick a lit cigarette at it and burn them up.

6

There are five basic torture groups, blunt,sharp, hot , cold and loud.

7

Don’t ever, ever, ever have sex.

8

Evil vampire demon-face is always uglier than nice vampire demon-face.

No matter what an “old friend” did or said when they left you, unless you’ve seen the body (and sometimes not even then), expect them to come back and visit.

There’s always a book that has the answer you need. It may not be in your demension, and you may not be able to read it, but it’s out there somewhere.

Mexican wrestling masks are always funny.

Halloween parties are always a good idea.

Ghosts can walk through walls, but never seem to fall through the floor when you want them to.

9

Electricity will either knock out a vampire, do nothing, or sometimes replump and restart his heart for a second.
It all depends of who is writing the script that week. Umm, oops, I mean Chaos Theory- that’s it.

There is never a bad time for a double pistol diving attack. They hardly ever work- but style counts.

Even one moment of true happiness can have a high price. Best to stay grouchy.

When storing your soul in a bottle, you may want to use a safe deposit box.

Your children may try to kill you- you may want to adopt a dog instead.

No matter how evil your organization, you still have to stick to your budget.

There is always a chance at redemption- just don’t hold your breath waiting for it.

10

Careful who you kiss, you might wake up with some kinda Demon infection and get visions.

You know when your mom said that your Latin lesson would be useful someday?? She was right.

There’s only one way to make the pain stop. Hurt someone else.

11

Gals who went to UC Santa Cruz are kinky and easy.

Be sure to change the toner often.

You can’t beat the efficacy of a well-placed axe.

Time-travelling demons always lie.

12

Never ever tell your friends what you’re up to – if you think you’ve solved the prohecy, or discovered where the ancient artifact is hidden, etc, you should go off on your own instead of enlisting their help.

The aformentioned prohecy will either be fake or mistranslated, or will apply to the other vampire-with-a-soul.

13

audit wrote:

“What’s going to be at the party?”
“MACHINES!”

as for myself, what I learned from Angel is that I should probably go see Honey tonight…what? :smiley:

14

Pigs blood tastes better with a little otter mixed in.

15

Don’t believe everything you’re foretold.

16

Angel’s Law of Portals, #1: If you are approaching a set of double doors, open both at once. It looks much cooler.

Angel’s Law of Portals, #2: Smashing through doors without opening them is good anger management.

Angel’s Law of Portals, #3: People crash through windows much more often than you’d think.

17

There’s never a fetching mad scientist around when you need one.

Even after you’ve broken up with your girlfriend, it’s OK to get jealous if you almost catch her kissing one of your coworkers. (Corollary to even after you’ve ordered your lover to “move on” it’s OK to get jealous if you catch him having sex with the woman your friend dumped at the altar.)

Nobody doesn’t like fetal pigs.

It probably isn’t a good idea to date men with detachable body parts.

18

Spanking men and demons is a good turn-on.

19

Sleep is essential to the health of you and everyone around you.

20

I went to UC Santa Cruz. I can’t decide whether to be a seductive tease or a jokingly-offended prude in this post. Hm. Either way, I promise not to call anyone “kiddo”.

This is similar to the game my roommate and I play, “Lessons I Leared From Buffy.” Rule #1: NEVER have sex with a vampire. No matter how good an idea it seems at the time.

Actually, that’s a pretty good lesson we can draw from Angel, too.

Some more:

If your son was kidnapped by a guy brought back to life by an evil law firm and he raises your son in an alternate hell dimension where time moves much faster, don’t expect he’s going to be happy to see you when he comes back to this dimension.

If you’re a vampire and your ex-girlfriend is a vampire slayer, she’s always going to think she’s in charge. Because she can SLAY YOU if you do something she doesn’t like. She’s the top of the slay chain. So don’t be surprised if she gets pissed when you tell her to get the hell out of your city.

Don’t lean against the invisible barrier stopping you from entering a room belonging to someone in the hospital. If they die, the barrier goes away and then you fall down in an ungraceful manner.

Ahhh, Buffy and Angel. Gosh, I love shows that can teach me so many life lessons I can use every day.