(Thanks to the “Nicer Dicer,” that is. I was gonna say, she looks incredible! Also, Guy Yovan wears electric blue shirts and never gets tired of being treated like he’s in a Right Guard commercial from the 1970s: “Hi, Guy!”)
Oh, and Kathy Mitchell’s family loves everything made in the GT Xpress101, and Joe Farrago has an iron mouth.
There’s also “Nothing else like” the FlavorWave DeLuxe Oven on the market…except the NuWave Oven (of which the FlavorWave is evidently a poor imitation). “I See the Light!”
Has anyone noticed that Mimi of “Mike & Mimi” fame (hawking the “Magic Bullet”) is actually Mimi Umidon, who also cohosts the Walkfit Orthotic infomercial?
I also love Chef Tony (Notaro), who mostly does the Miracle Blade III Perfection Series (which I actually have and like), but also does the SmartWare silicone cooking system. I remember him from a low-carb pasta commercial set in an Italian restaurant populated by Tony Soprano types, one of which had been told by his doctor to watch his carbs:
Chef Tony: “It’s made from a defatted soy flour!”
Carb-Watching Tony Soprano Type: “What’s that, one of dose French foods?”
I absolutely LOVE infomercials. I am dutifully ashamed, but I can’t stop.
I also really want a LaPresse. I’ve no use for it, but I want one anyway.
I love how many times to get a free identical item to the one you are buying, you need to pay separate s&h- can’t they just stick both in a slightly bigger box for a dollar or so more instead of 9.95 more?
My wife and I saw him on an episode of “Louis Theroux’s Weird Weekends” and were amazed to hear him speak in an ordinary voice. We’d kind of imagined him coming home at night:
HI HONEY!! I’M HOME!! WHAT’S FOR SUPPER!!! PORK CHOPS!!! I LOVE PORK CHOPS!! AND YOU KNOW THE ONLY THING THAT MAKES PORK CHOPS BETTER!!! MASHED POTATOES!!!
British advertisers have used this SHOUTY thing in a bizarrely cynical manner, making a high-cost advertising campaign that looks like a cheap and nasty infomercial, for the strangely-named “Cillit Bang” cleaning product, with a made-up infomercial presenter called Barry Scott. It’s strange, but it has been very commercially successful.
Everything worth having can make julienne fries. Shredders, food processors, vacuum cleaners, cars, knife sets, cleaning products…it doesn’t matter. If it can’t make julienne fries than it isn’t worth it.
The absolute measure of physical fitness, beauty and general health for the species H. sapiens is a set of totally ripped abs. The way to get them is through the use of some contraption that looks like a piece of modern sculpture and duplicates the exercises that you could do with a bench, a cheap set of weights and a bicycle; or else by jumping up and down and around risking major joint dislocations doing fake martial arts moves to the beat of the oldies/hiphop/salsa/klezmer/whatever.
The best and finest collections of music of all genres are not available in stores, but from TimeLife.
Oh, and any absolute idiot can become a rich real estate magnate flipping houses with no money down… (waitaminnit… holy crap, the Mortgage Lenders themselves were actually believing* that ** all this time :eek: :eek: :eek: !!!)*
Jesus is coming soon and there will be a Rapture after which the world will be plunged into chaos and violence by an evil leader from some European land, and only if you act now… what do you mean that’s NOT an infommercial???
Which makes me highly resentful of how my own college days are past by a quarter century…
The “Hi Guy” commercial guy was Chuck McCann, a staple on NYC television in the 60’s and 70’s, Channel 11, WPIX, if IIRC. His show was similar to Soupy Sales’ show, except the innuendo was more apparent.
He also played Oliver Hardy in a couple of movies, Santa Claus on “Santa Barbara”, as well as being the voice of hundreds of beloved cartoon characters.
He also had one of the funniest bits in the “Aristrocrats”.
Why are they alive, you ask? Because they use ** Skippy FX*, the new miracle self-actualizing fat-reducing floor wax and abdominal dessert topping, now with Fraudulin!*
Let’s compare these two celebrities. Celebrity A is using Skippy FX. Celebrity B is using a different brand. Notice how Celebrity A has whiter whites, brighter brights, a 57% shinier coat, and a new recording contract! Skippy FX! More assertive! Leads to success! Don’t leave Rome without it!
(Why can I imagine Spoons’ fine radio voice doing the voiceovers for these?)
Saw this one yesterday - and thought to myself - why are you ‘grinding’ thru stuff when a simple pipe/glass or masonry cutter could do the job much faster/cleaner and safer?
You’d never get a good seal on a copper pipe cut in that manner - and breaking cynder blocks and bricks is much easier than all that stuff your doing there - and those limbs, I’ve got 30yr old clippers in the garage taht I can use from the ground…
New fangled crap - and then they want to send me 2 of them! (clearly, they cant sell them fast enough, or they wouldnt be giving one of them away).
I myself prefer classic old timey infomercials, where I learned that I can cover my bald spot (well, it used to just be a spot. Now I have a hair spot surrounded by bald) with the contents from a spray paint can and no one would ever know!
*Oh, and anyone who doesn’t buy our thing is pathetic because they can only appear in b&w. That’s how pathetic they are. *
I love this technique! That’s because the black-and-white way is the “old” way – they didn’t have color back when they had to get up out of bed to turn out the light – before they had the Clapper!
