- (I keep forgetting things today!) Mipsman seems to think it is preferable to be sexually abused by a pedophile than to be with a ‘geek’. Interesting value system.
Hey, Ogre! My dad’s from Wetumpka (via “Mun-gum’rih”). This is the second time I’ve ever heard of the damn place (raised on west coast). Glad to have verification of it’s existence. Damn good story, too.
Dated a psych grad student that had me take the MMPI out of curiosity (a personality test used by shrinks), decided that I was hamming it up (I had inconsistent results, which suggested that I was cheesing it), and got ticked. Things went downhill fast.
John, in light of the Asshole’s continuing behavior, I strongly encourage you to go to the police. Since it’s only been a year or two, the statute of limitations probably hasn’t expired, but it’s ticking. This is your chance to get rid of the fucking Asshole, and possibly prevent him from doing this again to some other girl.
Seriously, call your local police. (Or have you done this already?) Also, of extreme importance: you mention that Asshole is now in another state. If Asshole ever crossed state lines to have sex with your sweet 16 yr old, guess who you also get to call. The F.B.I.
Get this fucker locked up.
I’ve only had one real asshole ex. He was an alcoholic. He started on me with mental abuse. After a while, my brain was so screwed up that I started believing him. Then I actually moved out of state with this guy. That was when he decided to actually physically hit me.
That moment when he first laid his hands on me was at the same time the worst and the best thing that could ever have happened to me. No one had ever hit me like that before. But it jolted me back to reality. I came to the realization that no one was ever going to hit me like that again. I fought back, and dammit, I won. I left him a few days later, and I haven’t seen him since. That was nine years ago.
I came back home, and slowly but surely, I rebuilt my life. Life is never easy, but winning that fight and walking away from him taught me some solid lessons, the most important one being that I am a survivor. Life has not always been roses since then, that’s for damn sure. But I can cope with whatever life hands me. I can solve the problems I face on a daily basis. Prior to that fight, I’d never really relied on myself. Now I know I can.
Sometimes the best lessons come in really ugly packaging, don’t they?
Thanks neuroman.
Excellent advice, and I wish I could take it. But there’s a few problems:
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She doesn’t want to prosecute. Believe me, I’ve tried to convince her that he needs to be stopped, but she doesn’t want to dredge it all up again. I don’t think she wants her parents to know either.
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It didn’t happen here. I think it happened while the gf still lived in Indianapolis, but it could have been when she lived in Texas, too. At any rate, the Muncie cops won’t be able to do much.
I really would like to nail the fucker, but she’s got all the evidence. All I can do is try to convince her.
–John
**M.K.-**Sorry for the delay. I’m new at this hyar Straight Dope thing. Wetumpka does indeed exist. Tell your dad ‘howdy’ for me!
Ogre, your story cracked me up! A jilted Indiana Jones.
Almost everyone has one ex that makes them say “What was I THINKING?!” Mine was a musician, surprise surprise. Not a REAL musican, a wanna-be rock star. Loser. I won’t even go into all the asshole things he did to me, but let it suffice to say that he is the last “musician” I’ll ever date.
John -
Some practical advice…I’m assuming she’s blocked the jerk from her email? If not, it would be a good idea. The longer she can be in contact with him, the longer the recovery is. She can’t heal until the bond is BROKEN for good.
Second, she is very very lucky to have someone like you who cares about her. I know (believe me, I know) that dealing with this isn’t easy. I’ve been there, and I was 24 and should have known better. Good luck to you both, hon. And if you want to talk, share stories, or just have someone listen who understands, email me.
Rock n’ Roll!