By means that are, frankly, none of your goddamn business (but which I freely admit involve the phrases Burroughs-Libby continua buggy, doomed city of Atlantis, looting, and murdering Poseidon), I have come into possession of a certain exotic potion which causes anyone who takes it to stop aging.
No, smart-ass, it doesn’t kill you. Potions like that are hardly exotic; you can get the ingredients for *killing *potions from Walgreens, for gossake. And it doesn’t make you immortal anyone, on account of there not being any invulnerability included. What it WILL do is return your physical state to the moment, as an adult, you were strongest and healthiest, and thereafter prevent time, infection, and genetic weaknesses (but not bullets, fire, or jumping off skyscrapers) from harming you thereafter.
Anyway, for reasons that are also none of your business, but which have nothing to do with conquering the Earth or gaining title to anybody’s soul, I am willing to share this potion with twelve of you. No more than twelve, and also no LESS than twelve. It’s a dozen or nothing.
Make your case for getting a dose. I’m terribly lazy, so I’ll also need y’all to critique one another.
I’m not your pet, you’re not my master and I’m not going to jump through hoops for you. I’ve been around this board long enough for anyone who cares to determine whether I’m deserving of such a gesture or not. As Keith Richards supposedly said when offered a knighthood, “I get on my knees for no one”.
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I’m ambitious, convinced that I can do great good for the world, and yet strangely amoral. Imagine the entertaining (for you) mischief that I could get up to, with all eternity to work in.
If you choose me, you get to see artworks that are barely twinklings in my eye come to their full fruition. You get to see stories, paintings, movies, and artforms yet unborn. You get to see a revolution of ecological design. You get to see me inspire people the world over (under multiple identities because I’ve read Time Enough for Love too).
You need balance. Certainly you can’t have a dozen immortals running around in the primes of their lives and not have someone that doesn’t love Tolkien, Firefly, and hasn’t heard of any of these sci-fi authors your ilk bandies on about.
I won’t do anything special but I won’t get bored. Who cares you say? You know how this type of thing always turns out. The immortal end up going crazy and trying to enslave the world, or get all emotional and end up killing themselves anyway. Waste of a potion.
Not me! I am never bored and I’m forgetful. So I figure I can cycle through hobbies and entertainment for eternity. I won’t get all emotional about my loved ones growing old and dying before me either. Sure, it will be hard to see all my family die, but it won’t be that bad because *I’ll *still be alive and that is what is important. On the romance side, no problems either. I’ll bang a succession of women my age and get a new on every few years (as you can see, I am a real catch).
Also, I won’t make endless amounts of art of music or try too hard in any one field. What if I suck? It would just be an immortal shit machine. So there is no danger of an immortal Dan Brown, Thomas Kincaid or Uwe Boll.
Also, if you grant me this boon, I will write a LOTR opera. The fact that I’ve never written an opera should be no object, since I’ll have unlimited time to practice.
You’re going to need an easy-going guy that’s willing to tolerate your…errmm…eccentricities when you’ve got all of eternity stretching out ahead of you.
Plus I’m not ambitious - no struggles to be top dog with me. I’m be perfectly content with a little eternal youth, but without being an annoying little suck-ass about it. I’ll politely disagree with your insane idea to release truckloads of irradiated flying anime squirrels in Gabon and thoughtfully explain just why it is a poorly thought out plan. But if you insist, well, hey - maybe you know something I don’t and everything is worth a try at least once.
I’m a professional illustrator and the best RPG GM you’re ever likely to meet. Give me (and my wife) the potion, and I will run amazing and intricately plotted tabletop roleplyaing games for you, in addition to making awesome action portraits of your characters until the sun goes red giant.
My wife also posts here, but trust me, the character portraits and RPGing are enough justify two potions.
