Extreme disappointment upon learning the sex of a child.

In My Humble Opinion
21

My first child was a boy, which is what I had hoped for. I would have been momentarily disappointed if he had been a girl, but I’m sure I would have been fine before I left the ultrasound room. My wife wanted a girl and she was a little disappointed at first.

For our second child, I had been hoping for another boy, and my wife really wanted a girl, since there was no guarantee we’d get a third chance. We ended up having a beautiful daughter, who is the light of my eyes, and I can’t imagine trading her for another boy now (naturally I love my son, too, but I underestimated how much power my daughter would have over me).

22

Seriously. Reminds me of this guy I know who raised three daughters until they were like 16, 14, and 8. Then he started taking these long “business trips” to another country. Years later, we learned that not only did he meet another woman on one of these trips, he had a kid with her – the son he always wanted. The mother of the trio knew for a while but said nothing to protect her daughters. By the time they found out, the “mistress” had become the man’s de facto new wife. They had a whole new apartment, etc. and he was spending most months of the year with her and their son.

Back at home, the daughters were traumatized beyond belief. They had old drawings they dedicated to Daddy on the walls and every Christmas there’s a stocking for him above the fireplace. They pretend like nothing’s wrong, but there is so much pain you can feel it in the air. And the first wife, mother of the daughters, blames herself for being “not good enough”.

Fuck that :mad:

23

I was kind of hoping that the youngest would be a girl, just out of curiosity. I already had two boys and it would have been interesting to see any differences between the two. It wasn’t a strong enough urge to call its frustration a disappointment, though. More of a (shrug), oh, well - let’s see who this is, then.

24

Midichlorians. Maybe your mother is a Star Wars fan.

25

Yes, and no – as mitochondria is always passed down from the mother, any son of hers will carry her mitochondria equally as well as any daughter, but the buck will stop there with a son as all his children will bear the mitochondria from his female partner.

I was more surprised than disappointed that my first born was a daughter, as I am my father’s only child (a son), my father only had brothers (two of them), and both of his brothers only had sons (one and two, respectively). Since sonniness seemed to dominate in my part of the family, I sort of assumed I’d have a son or two.

I was indeed initially disappointed to find that my second child was also a girl, as I really wanted “one of each”. My dad even more so, because I am his only child and he wanted to see the family name carry on (as if there were not enough Changs in the world already). And from a linguistic point of view, there are familial terms you only get to use with male-line descendants and ancestors in Chinese that I wanted to be able to exercise :slight_smile:

When my wife got pregnant for the third (and final) time, I was very used to having daughters and wasn’t really sure how I’d parent a son differently. I just couldn’t picture it any more. My Dad, on the other hand, talked up a storm about how this one HAD to be a boy. Every time we saw him (twice a week) he’d pester us if we’d had any kind of test result yet. Finally I told him he’d have to wait until the ultrasound date like the rest of us, and he quieted down for the most part.

The day we had the ultrasound the doctor told us it was a boy, and my wife said as we left his office, “Well, I guess you’d better call your Dad and tell him.”

“Hell no,” I replied. “After three months of non-stop badgering, he can badger me one more time. When he asks me, I’ll tell him.”

“You do realize that when you DON’T call him, he’ll assume the doctor said it’ll be a girl?”

“shrug That’s his problem, isn’t it? Just like it’s been his problem all along!”

My Dad eventually forgave me… Six months later… :smiley:

26

. . . unless he marries the right cousin.

27

I swear, I thought midi’s & mito’s were the same thing & that Lucas took a real thing & just made it magic.

28

My husband has an severe X-linked dominant genetic disorder, so when the time comes we are going to spend a great deal of money to make sure we have a boy–if, somehow, it’s a girl, we’ll be extremely disappointed–not because we’d love her less, but because her life would have more pain in it than we would like.

29

Chinese cultures vastly prefer boys to girls.

I knew of someone who was a bit more “traditional”, and she had 5 girls, giving one up for adoption, before she had a boy and had a tubal ligation.

She also outright loved the boy more than any of the girls. It was very sickening.

30

How does it work with mothers loving their daughters less? I mean, is the culture able to make her hate her own gender?

31

Women are always under pressure to have sons. The culture tends to make women resent their daughters for being born. Furthermore it’s harder to bring a daughter up - you have to teach her to be a proper woman and guard her carefully lest she sully the family name by doing something scandalous. (Also a daughter is a pain in the ass because you have to marry her off and provide a dowry to boot. A son will look after you in your old age at least.)

Of course, it’s not quite like this anymore, but old habits linger in many parts of Asia.

32

It is pretty sickening. I watch it happen in my own family even today (I mean, biological extended family, my nuclear family is cool). It’s a lot more subtle, though. These days women face as much cultural pressure for education, but it’s largely because in the upper and middle classes, it increases a woman’s prospects of marriageability and frequently gives families an “out” on dowry. This something that has changed significantly since my parents’ days when educated/career women had a harder time getting married. Whatever the reasons it’s a good thing, though.

But you’d think that these attitudes would die down within the educated classes, especially with their daughters’ increasing earning capacities.

However, the cultural preference for a boy boy boy boy sainted boy remains constant. To be fair, there are people that reject it completely, as my father did way back in the 70s when it was much worse. Also, I’d like to note that my mom loves me and my sister pretty fiercely. But I can’t shake the irritation I feel when I see her coo over little boys and ignore little girls even 35 years after my father told her he doesn’t tolerate such aspects of our culture (and about 98% deprogrammed her).

33

I have thought of starting this type of thread before.

I think the mentality of prospective parents that prefer one sex over another is absolutely disgusting (barring any genetic issues) not to mention extremely sexist in either direction. You are supposed to love your child unconditionally and that doesn’t that doesn’t match up well with loving the child but secretly wishing that he or she would have been the other sex. I find it extremely offensive when any prospective parents express a public desire over their future child’s sex. The child will hear about it later in life and that is a terrible thing to do to anyone. I am a parent of three daughters (one passed away as an infant) and it would never occur to me to hint or let anyone else suggest that I wish I wanted a son instead because I made up my mind when I was young to be completely neutral on the issue and be happy with what I get. It turns out that I am thrilled. Everyone should do that no ifs, ands, or buts and it is irresponsible not to form your own attitudes that way.

34

I live in a culture that strongly prefers boys, and (as a woman) obviously I think that is a bad scene, since the “women are worth less” thing carries on into many aspects of life. As a cultural meme, preferring one sex kind of sucks.

But a random personal preference? Having a kid is a strange and unique experience. You are probably going to feel some strange and unique things. I’m not going to begrudge anyone any random weird stuff they start feeling, as long as they recognize it for what it is and don’t end up taking it out on the kid.

35

You know, I understand wanting one or the other, but Jesus. Out of all the shit that can go wrong with your potential kid, I can’t imagine being disappointed over something as stupid as your child’s sex.

36

Or introduce her to some couples who are sterile and wish they could have a baby but can’t.

Moral of the story: be thankful for what you have.

37

Tradtionally yes, but not quite so anymore.

I’m married to a Chinese woman, living in China, and I’m surprised at how well the reality of this country DOESN’T live up to the stereotypes I once had of it. Most people you ask will say they don’t care which they have (and gender revealing ultrasounds are illegal, so they wont know anyway).

Those are urban Chinese, though. Go out to the countryside and, well, it’s a different story…

38

My sister in law was dissapointed and angry to hear that her firstborn was going to be a boy. She thought that she wouldn’t be able to bond with a boy as well as with a daughter; there were a lot of activities that she was looking forward to and which she perceives as being mother-daughter.

She got over it before the Kidlet was born. By the time the Kidlette came along, all their mom wanted was for Number 2 to have the correct amount of body parts installed in the usual spots.

I know many families which kept having children of one gender and finally stopped when they got one of the opposite gender.

There was a case in Spain a few years back where a family which already had 5 or 6 boys wanted Social Security to pay for gender selecting IVF; after the mother said what she really had always wanted was two boys and one girl and that the rest of the boys were just “a bother”, there was talk of Child Services taking the albatross away instead and giving them to people who’d be real parents.

My father and his whole family were extremely surprised when I turned out to be a girl, but that’s only because based on his paternal family’s usual gender ratio they were expecting a Javier. As Dad’s sister once put it “it wasn’t a matter of not wanting daughters, they wanted daughters very much but simply weren’t sure how to treat us, as many of the things they did with the boys would have angered our mothers if done with us.”

My parents, myself when Mom was expecting my brothers, and the father of the aforementioned Kidlets all have had people asking “do you want a boy or a girl?” and refusing to believe us when we said “doesn’t matter, I want a healthy and happy baby.” Societal expectations in Spain are that you will prefer one or the other, although maybe not in absolute terms: something like “we already have a boy so we’d like a girl” is fine, “we already have a boy so we’d like another” is fine… “we don’t care so long as it’s healthy” triggers disbelief.

39

A pediatrician in my home town got a shotgun wedding while in medical school. A girl.

Next, twin girls.

Next, another girl.

He often expresses his dissapointment at not having any boys, but “my wife isn’t willing to have more.” People tell him that makes perfect sense when you already have four kids.

Fast forward ten years. The wife’s younger sister, whom the girls haven’t even met, goes to visit and claims her daughter back.

Uh?

Yeah, the youngest daughter was the daughter of her dad and her dad’s sister-in-law (that is, the daughter of her mother’s sister). People weren’t sure which one they wanted to stone first, dad or bio-mom.

Doc and his wife get a divorce, she goes back to college and he marries the mother of six of his patients, all boys except for the last one, a girl. He actually expresses his hopes to finally have a boy where people can hear.

He had four children with the new wife. All girls. Can I have a dollar for every time I’ve heard someone say “gee, looks like the ‘problem’ wasn’t in his wife, huh?” You could cut the glee with a knife and package it. Oh, and he was already bedding new-wife when she got pregnant with that first girl… I don’t know if that girl (now in her thirties) has ever asked for DNA testing.

40

Damn straight.

I’m 15 weeks pregnant with my first child, after 3 years of infertility and IVF. I will hopefully learn the sex in about 4 weeks, and the only reason I want this information is so that we can focus in on names. Boy or girl, it makes no difference when you weren’t even sure you could have children. I used to think that it might be nice to have one of each (i.e. the same as the family I grew up in). Now I’m just grateful for the chance to have one at all.

Sheesh, surely that woman has bigger issues than just being disappointed in the sex of her child. It has to run deeper than that. If not, I weep for the child!