Heh. This is an interesting thread.
I plan on never having kids, so my only contribution to this thread is that I was supposed to be a boy. (I’m a girl.) Don’t know what that doctor saw on the ultrasound, but he insisted. Absolutely insisted.
My mother - one of three sisters, all of whom had daughters - absolutely insisted that he was wrong.
And when out I came, very clearly not the “Mark” they would have named me, I can only imagine how vindicated she felt!
The problem cannot be the wife, can it? The father’s genes determine gender. They have to. I am always confused when people talk about gender running one way or the other for the wife or her sisters. Seems to me not at all relevant.
Well, not anymore and not where people have at least a vague understanding of chromosomes. But you’d better believe wives were commonly blamed for their inability to produce a male heir.
One of my best friends is Indian. She has a sister and a brother, and though her parents aren’t particularly religious or conservative, they threw an elaborate series of parties for the brother’s birth and first few birthdays and did, well, nothing for the sisters. She says that’s pretty typical, at least in their (extended) family.
My mother had me (a boy) and my parents wanted a daughter very badly after that and got it when my sister was born.
But the wife could have been a carrier of something which only showed in boys and which made them non-viable; a defect in the X chromosome which, so long as there is a healthy X to balance it doesn’t cause a problem. Hemophilia works like that, for example, although the male babies are viable. Why does my mother’s maternal line have so many women (over 50 among my generation’s 3rd-cousins vs 3 men, two of which are my brothers) and my father’s paternal line lean the opposite way (again, over 50 boys to 3 girls, in my generation and up to 3rd-cousins)?
Plus yeah, there’s definitely an element in many people, of schadenfreude for all the times women have been blamed for any “reproductive problems” in the couple - including a lack of boys.
This is like “When I was going to St Ives…” I am too tired to parse out the different wives and kids.
Fertile guy, though.
ETA: I was surprised to find out kid #2 was a boy, for the exact same reasons as overlyverbose. I kept saying, “You’re kidding! Really?” But I was never disappointed. And no, I can’t imagine life without him (or my girl).
Eh, I vaguely remember reading something about research into the idea that there might be a genetic component to how the egg accepts the single luckiest sperm cell, and that there could be something passed down mother-to-daughter that makes the egg more likely to accept an X sperm cell than a Y sperm cell.
When people talk about gender running one way or the other for the wife or her sisters, it’s because they’re pointing out a streak they’ve witnessed firsthand. Like my mom, her two sisters, and all my girl cousins. (One of whom did, finally end the streak by producing a bouncing baby boy.)
Anecdotal data is still a powerful argument for some people.
Which is why the second paragraph of my post read:
Both my fathers, adopted and real, were utterly disappointed in my female status.
I often wonder if my real father would have adopted me were I a boy - I mean that’s a boy to carry on the name and tradition, whereas a girl is just a dowry problem. A boy he could have broached with his wife (not my mother). A daughter…not so much.
All of the last is conjecture but I do know he was disappointed in a girl. My adopted dad got over it but I overheard him a few times saying how much he had wanted a boy, etc. But when I turned into a right little tomboy I think it helped a lot - he practically had the son he wanted.
I see a huge difference nowadays. Nearly everyone in my extended family is having daughters, and while the few sons are precious and coddled, there is much less angst about it than even when I was born. My cousin had three daughters and then her husband died, sadly (at age 36 :() - but her in-laws adore her and the three little ones.
I burst into tears after leaving the ultrasound room after the doctor told me that my second child would be a boy (already had a son). I knew 2 kids were all I could handle and really REALLY wanted a girl. I was sad for some time afterwards but was accepting by the time I went into labor.
5 hours later, I had a girl. Yes, the ultrasound was wrong. I was in shock for a couple of days. I would have still loved her had she been the boy we thought she would be, but…I am happy to have a girl and a boy.
I only had the one, after a lot of genetic testing and amnios and ultrasounds, and it was a girl, which is all I ever wanted! I could not imagine what I would have done with a boy, every little boy I ever came across was repulsive to me. Boy things, sports, toy trucks, power rangers - all that was boring and unknown country to me. Oh, I know, I would have loved him, but if I had had a boy, his dad would have done a HELL of a lot more parenting. HE would have had to take him to baseball and football and all that.
I know we were the last of a dying breed, but we chose not to know what the baby’s gender was until they were born. No chance to be disappointed.
Everyone should do what they feel is right for them, but we had so much fun not knowing the gender. It really gave us something a little extra to look forward to and it was a blast to hear people be so certain in their guesses.
My first was a c-section so my husband got to hold her before I did. He said that even though the doctor told him it was a girl, it was a good 5 - 10 minutes before he even processed what they told him. He just knew he didn’t want to give her back so they could clean her up.
My sister married into a family that has had an unusual run of genetic anomalies.
Her husband has loads of brothers and sisters, most of whom have had children of their own. And every single one of them have been daughters.
That means his Mum and Dad are grandparents to around 15 granddaughters, and no grandsons. I find that to be quite unusual.
I’m pregnant right now (27 weeks) - ultrasound says girl. My boyfriend was a little disappointed at first - he mostly wanted a boy, because he knows how to deal with boys…
Me - I didn’t care - as long as my baby comes out healthy.
I’m sure he’ll be the doting father once she arrives 
I can’t imagine how anyone could be so distraught over the gender of their baby that they cry for weeks. That’s an extreme overreaction. I hope your friend gets the help she needs before the baby arrives.
Tikster
message was duplicated
Gender roles are so flexible now that it seems ridiculous to be that upset over the baby’s sex. Kids are so miraculous and so neat that I don’t think it matters what interests them, you’re going to be interested too because you are a parent and you love your child.
As mentioned, maybe the mom in the OP has bigger issues, or hormones going nuts or something?
Congrats, Tikster! Wishing you all the best, and the healthy baby you want.
The evil little schadenfreude monster in me hopes that maybe the crying-for-weeks mom in the OP gives birth to a child who grows up to be a tranny. Because that is a seriously messed-up way to greet that kind of news.
On reflection, if the mother has such strange and powerful notions about gender roles … the kid may very well grow up to be quite confused.
Here’s hoping she turns out to be a better mom than some of us Dopers imagine her to be.
Eh. Pregnancy hormones do weird things, and sometimes it takes people a while to accept things they hadn’t considered. Heck, she’s going to a therapist to fix it; what more can you ask for?
I can understand where she’s coming from, and maybe it runs deeper than that. The couple people I know who’ve expressed really extreme preferences for one or the other gender have families that make me understand why they feel the way they do.