The divorce was so long ago I don’t even look at her like an ex wife anymore. I kind of see her as a slightly tweaked family member. I have a little bit of the tree hugger mentality while she has the tough farmer type mentality. No doubt she thinks I am a bit loony for keeping a spider.
While we were married I could honestly say that in 20 years we never had one single heart to heart talk about anything. It is surprising how well people can get along when they keep things superficial almost like a working relationship. Five or six years before the divorce I decided that we would learn to communicate or split. The shit hit the fan and there was no turning back.
Now every morning she calls to have her coffee chat, we talk about just about everything. We never, not once have brought up our marriage or our relationship. I feel like if I were to cut her off from communications she might go off the deep end as she seems to hover on the edge most of the time anyway. I really don't mind as long as she respects my space. I won't bring this incident up because it happened over a year ago but I will be very clear about what to touch or not touch in the future. I appreciate all the responses even the ones making light as it is really a very small issue.
If you were so over it and it were now so superficial, you wouldn’t have started a thread asking why you’re EXTREMELY PISSED over something small that obviously isn’t small. If the spider had been killed by a plumber would you be this mad?
So you feel an obligation to take care of her even though…
I was really pissed when I started the post but once I bitched about it a bit the anger subsided and now it looks as silly to me as it does many others here.
Because she destroyed something you own without your permission. But then, who would think that a big spider might be someone’s “pet”? This wasn’t exactly a pet (or maybe it was); I don’t know how to classify it. I can understand why you would be mad.
??? No, I don’t see where you’re getting that at all. I was suggesting that the OP had learned or been taught early on in life, or perhaps chosen, to not express his anger and other negative emotions. This happens to lots of people, especially men. There’s nothing in there that suggests that I think he was born that way.
After reading the thread I think other people were closer to the mark than I was. But I have no idea where you’re getting your interpretation of what I said.
Roddy
Is this referring to me? if so, you are incorrect, because I acknowledged that he told her, but did he tell her how much it meant to him? Also, I didn’t prejudge him as being a jerk, I merely laid out what some of the reasons he would react that way are. Frankly, if I was trying to be a jerk I would have just said “It’s a spider, get over it!!!”
Helena, I did read your post and agreed with your assessment. It was nice to have someone like yourself let me know that I wasn't alone in the way I viewed things like this. This was one of those things I would only admit on the internet and then I found myself a little embarrassed about admitting it.
For some reason spiders seem to have a little higher level of intelligence than insects. I have a few orb weavers that build huge night time webs and then take them down in the morning that live in my yard. The spiders are huge and scary and sometimes build the webs across walkways. The first thing most people do when they see them is head for a can of raid. I run interference for them also.