Extroverts and Introverts: Share things you don't get

Maybe it’s because you don’t get what the terms really mean. Extraversion and introversion are orientations; the terms describe how interaction with the world affects the self. Extraverts face outward; interaction with others is a fundamental thing for them. Self-appraisal and self-knowledge don’t happen in a vacuum; they come about through comparison and contrast. Successful interaction leaves extraverts feeling surer of their place in the world, and more certain of who they are. When they are denied interaction, they feel uncertain and unhappy, or at least unsatisfied.

Introverts face inward, and interaction with others serves several purposes, none of which is as fundamental as what I’ve described above. They have fun, collect information, show off – lots of things. But self-appraisal and self-knowledge, however informed they might be by the things heard in the world, occur strictly within, when other people are not drowning out the inner voice. Introverts need their alone time for things like this, and if denied it – if forced to deal constantly with the onslaught of other voices, they feel rootless and unfulfilled, and above all, they feel tired.

My mother married into a family of introverts, her three children are introverts, and she needs to get the mindset spelled out constantly; gives me practice for when I’m in a team in which someone is more introverted than I am, because I get to explain to the team that yes, when she’s having a real bad day she actually prefers to eat alone - specially if the real bad day involves Meetings With VIPs.

But previous threads show that the population of the Dope skews heavily toward introversion; that means we get more introverts answering any question.

I don’t understand how extroverts can talk so much without getting a headache. And what they have to say always takes absolute precedence over what I might have to reply. It makes them seem *so *self-centered. Don’t you *ever *get tired of talking about yourself? Jesus. How can you think with your mouth running 16/7? I also don’t understand the self-centered notion that introversion is shyness. No, it’s not that I’m afraid of people (well sometimes I am, but it’s not related at all). I really, truly am happier in a room by myself than at a crowded function. Yes, I’m sure. No, nothing you can say will change my mind. No, I’m not just saying that because I don’t want to go with you. No, I don’t just sit at home on the internet because I have no other options. I *like *to do it.

After decades of dealing with an extroverted mom, the great introvert/extrovert divide has taken a toll on my relationship with her.

I feel the same! I am the life of the party at work, but come break/lunch time I head to my car for alone time! I love my co workers, but absolutely need some down time during the day! Days off,usually antisocial!!!

You’re trippin’, man. Let it go.

You must be the twin I never had. This is me to a T. :cool:

I love being on my own, truly alone at home, but I also love being alone in a crowd. I like to go out to eat alone. I get my solitude and my socialization all at once :slight_smile:

Me neither! Especially if I’m very hungry or in a hurry: my focus is on the food.

I’m a sociable introvert. I like people and can talk to just about anybody, but I also need some alone time every day. I enjoy social activities and solitary activities about equally. I don’t mind being the center of attention sometimes, but I hate public speaking and almost never dance unless I’m drunk.

Not all extroverts are extremely social people.

I am definitely an extrovert. If I spend more than a day or so on my own, I get antsy and uncomfortable. If I don’t get a certain amount of social time on the weekends, I feel like it’s a wasted weekend. I’ve always loved jobs that have put me in contact with lots of people, and jobs where I’ve worked on my own in an office feel stifling. I’ve specifically chosen to live in a group house because having my own place bores me to tears. Being with people recharges and motivates me. When I am spending time with introverts, they make me crazy because they just want to sit there doing nothing and being boring (in my opinion)

But I’m not a glib socializer. I tend to be quiet and reserved, and take a long time to open up. I hate being in the spotlight, and while I eventually open up, I tend to be a bit of a wallflower. I’m not completely socially awkward, but I’m certainly no smooth operator.

Being a shy extrovert is a strange thing.

While that’s very likely associated with extroversion, I know some taciturn extroverts. A couple in particular, the really negative trait is that it seems like he needs to be entertained all the time. The thought isn’t “what should I do this weekend?” but “what are we going to do this weekend?” like actively trying to get out of their own head.

I wonder who has it harder in life. An extreme extrovert or an extreme introvert.

The extreme extrovert can’t be alone at all. Every thought they have must be expressed. Every thing they do must be validated by someone else. They must have friends who are just as active and social as they are. This causes them to spend too much money and get involved in Maury Povitch-level drama. They piss off SO’s with flirtatious, overly friendly behavior with strangers. They annoy people with mindless chitter-chatter, busybodism, and foot-in-mouthitis.

The extreme introvert is obsessed with aloneness. They don’t even like sharing the sidewalk with anyone else. They are so independent that they will walk five miles in the driving rain rather than call someone to rescue them off the side of the road. They don’t take notice of social conventions, so they’ll stink up a room with their armpit funk or embarrass other people by showing up to weddings in the wrong attire. They struggle with basic conversation and politeness. They annoy people with their silence, self-absorbed interests, and extreme privacy.

Who would be more amenable to self-improvement, I wonder?

[quote=“monstro, post:50, topic:613245”]

I wonder who has it harder in life. An extreme extrovert or an extreme introvert.

As I said before, I’m neither. But I think I’d be happier as an extreme introvert. Here’s why: I can be in my own little world even in a crowd; I can’t be with others when I’m by myself. Like the old saying goes: "No matter where you go, there you are."

But this assumes that you like yourself. What if you’re an introvert and hate yourself? Then you have nowhere to go!

If I were a self-hating extreme introvert, I would definitely kill myself.

Both of those extremes would be indicative of near-personality disorder problems, and would both suck. Someone who is otherwise just extreme would not have nearly as many problems, and no comorbid issues.

I think you underestimate the will to live.

I think you underestimate the will to die. I have been suicidal; I know of what I speak.

So have I, and so do I. *

We’re both still here.*

Yes. Speaking personally, I neither hated myself nor felt (or wanted to be) 100% alone. I was just saying, hypothetically, that if I cared nothing for others and I hated myself, then I’d have no reason to go on living.

I think I’m an extrovert, but I have some elements of both categories so I’m pretty good at being able to understand both sides. But this statement definitely made me read twice. I mean, let’s just put it out there jz78817, you actively dislike me.

But … I’m struggling to wrap my head around this. If I’m in a work situation, I feel much more comfortable if I know people are paying attention to what I have to say and actively considering my ideas. If I’m out partying, I feel a lot more comfortable if I can tell that people want me there and enjoy my presence. If I’m volunteering somewhere, or playing on a sports team … pretty much any time I’m anywhere other than in my bedroom, I’d much rather people be paying attention to me and appreciating me than ignoring me.

So if you’re just saying that you don’t like to be around people all the time, I understand that. And I can understand the value in listening to other people and letting them have their moment to shine. I can also understand not wanting to be the center of attention if you’re being cast in an unfavorable light.

But gosh, I sort of thought that you alternated who was the center of attention just because it was polite, because if I were to make myself the center of attention all the time that’s obnoxious. (And okay, in the interest of full disclosure, I do sometimes cross that threshold and get a little obnoxious, but it’s something I’m aware of and working to dissipate.)

But the idea that there’s an entire cluster of people out there, a full one quarter or so of the population, who don’t like being the center of attention regardless of what type of attention it is, seems very strange to me. (Mind you, I’m not calling you people strange. I’m just saying the whole concept is something hard for me to relate to.)

In my mind, there is a difference between wanting your voice to be heard and wanting floodlights on you.

When I’m speaking up at a board meeting, yeah, I want people to listen to what I’m saying, preferably agreeing with me.

But I don’t want them looking at what I’m wearing or studying my hair. It’s not that I think I’m ugly or anything, but I just don’t care for that kind of attention. I want people to be interested in the words coming out of my mouth. If I have spinach in my teeth, just ignore it. You shouldn’t be looking at my teeth in the first place! And when you come up to me after the board meeting, I’d rather you keep your questions to business. I don’t want to field personal questions in that context. Even compliments will make me feel weird (though I will thank you and put you in my “not a bad person” list).

I don’t like being ignored. I wouldn’t want people not to say hello to me if I went to a party. That would just be weird. It’s just that I’m fine with chit-chatting with only a couple of people. I don’t have to mingle with everyone. I don’t want the whole room hanging off my every word, waiting for me to entertain. That would be too much attention.

Some people simply aren’t like that, though. They dress to impress. They do regular check-ups in the mirror to make sure everything’s just “right”. They want people to come up to them and ask them about themselves. They love compliments (and love giving them). They feed off of positive feedback and feel slighted when they don’t get it. They become suspicious when people don’t shower them with attention.

Not all extroverts are like this, but some are.