I know I could make this an official poll if I wanted to. But I don’t.
For purposes of discussion, an introvert is someone who spends energy being with other people, while an extrovert gains energy when in the presence of others.
Introvert = guy who sits alone at the party, content with listening to the music and sipping wine
Extrovert =woman who always has a pal with her to run errands with or go shopping
Introvert = woman who can go a whole weekend not talking to a soul, content with books, knitting, and television.
Extrovert = guy who has to have everyone over for brats and beer whenever the weather bumps up into the 60s.
Which are you? On a scale of one to ten, with ten being highly introverted and one being highly extroverted, where do you fall?
Do you ever wish you could cultivate a different style? Do you harbor bad feelings about the “other”, irrational or otherwise?
Neither, based on your definitions. I’m awkward around other people and have to expend energy to make myself socialize, but I can’t stand being alone for very long.
I am quite introverted and need my alone time to recharge. But I am also comfortable in most situations and can pretty much talk with anyone about anything. People laugh about me being one of THOSE people who can get off a plane after a two-hour flight and know the life story of the person sitting next to me.
I’m probably a 9. But I have learned to socialize myself so that even some of my closest friends think that I’m outgoing and gregarious. Very few people know how introverted I really am. I guess that I have cultivated a different style, at least to outward appearances. I don’t really harbor bad feelings towards the extroverted, but I do harbor very bad feelings towards the loud. I hate hate hate people that are loud.
I’m definitely an introvert. If 10 were defined as someone who was a total loner, I’d rate myself an 8 I guess. There is a small group of people who I care about and whose company I generally enjoy, but I really value having time to myself. When I was in grade school, I remember being reprimanded because I developed a habit of sneaking out of the classroom to go sit in the school library to read by myself.
I wouldn’t want to actually change into an extrovert, but I’ve learned to fake being an extrovert for career purposes. I go to social events if I’m invited because I don’t want to seem unfriendly (or “Not a Team Player”), but I often find them to be draining experiences.
Sometimes I like being around extroverts. My boyfriend is much more chatty than I am, so I like bringing him to parties so he can make small talk for me. Sometimes it can be annoying though if someone is very persistent about asking me to come to various social obligations when all I want is to be left alone, or if they’re the type of person who has to constantly fill silence with inane chatter.
I’m kind of in the middle, I guess. I’m not very social and prefer solitude to crowds, but when I’m among my peers, all the energy tends to gravitate toward me. That said, I very rarely initiate or volunteer to partake in social activities.
For example, a few years ago, my wife threw what I consider a big Christmas party. I began agonizing months before the event. I wanted no part of it, I didn’t know 90 percent of invitees, and didn’t care for the rest and, as an atheist, the very thought of celebrating a Christmas-themed event with its phony trappings and religious symbolism made me gag.
Long story short, the party happens. The house is filled with nurses, physicians, and therapists from my wife’s hospital and clinic, and I begin to hold forth with the guests as though it were a natural calling for me. After the last guest departed for the night, my wife told me I was interesting and fun, words not usually spoken about me. My wife said the party was the talk of her office for the next week, and that people were generally impressed with my performance and management of all the events we’d planned, and the band we’d hired, and I admit it made me feel good.
However, if I were but a guest at exactly the same event, I would have manufactured an excuse not to attend or, having attended, I would have made a hasty exit at the first socially acceptable moment.
I can spend days without significant contact though I don’t go out of my way to avoid it.
I talk to people at parties and sometimes enjoy the conversation, I might even get energy from it. I am unlikely to sit alone and listen to the music. But being in a loud bar saps me within a few hours.
I’ve noticed that being around certain people (a small minority) gives me more energy.
Maybe the introvert-as-people-who-expend-energy-when-around-others has it wrong. Take a tabletop D&D player and put him in a jock/hipster/similar crowd and he’ll fatigue quickly. Let him join a herd of nerds though and he’s likely to gain energy from being around people he can relate to and has a lot in common with.
But, for lack of a better word, let’s call that type an introvert. Perhaps if introverts could get together among themselves like extroverts do, they’d get energy from it though likely not as much as extroverts.
One problem is that introverts have a tendency not to go out much which leads to fewer venues being designed for them and less opportunities to go where crowds of similar people gather. This reinforces their introversion since almost all the places where people gather socially are designed for and filled with extroverts.
I’m not saying there could ever been as many introverts’ social venues as there are extroverts’ social venues, but without this self-reinforcing dynamic, there could be a lot more of them.
I’m around a six. I used to be more introverted when I was younger, but a decade of being forced to interact with coworkers has changed me some.
No to the first, and “it’s complicated” to the second. I like extroverts…except when I don’t like them. That makes no sense, so let me try to explain.
The vast majority of my friends of either gender and all the guys I’ve ever been attracted to are extroverts. Being around them is nice, because they’re willing to take on the burden of talking more, and don’t even think it’s a burden! I feel more lively around them myself, too. They are decidedly more fun to hang out with than people more introverted than I am.
But then, there are extroverts I don’t like too. They’re noisy, irritating, have an unsettling gift for bursting into conversation at unpredictable intervals, and being forced to be around them is draining. They make me feel tense, and anxious not to be around what often feels like false good cheer (do extroverts ever complain that someone “seems too friendly”?). Being around an unlikable extrovert is much worse than being around an unlikable introvert.
So…extroversion is a big plus when the people are likable, and a huge minus when they are not.
Every time I take the Myers Briggs personality profile test, I wind up at the far end of the extrovert scale. And, it seems to fit me…I much prefer doing things with other people, and don’t really seem to need (or care for) time by myself. So, I guess I’m a “1”.
Although people who know me would probably consider me to be quite extroverted, I’d say I’m actually about the middle. I do enjoy being sociable and going out and am pretty comfortable with new acquaintances. I don’t have problems striking up conversations with strangers, for the most part. (For instance, I had lunch with my friend and her coworkers a few months ago, and I made conversation with them easily; afterward, my friend’s boss mentioned to my friend - who reported it back to me - that she was surprised by my ability to do that.)
But at the same time, I also love being alone. I find it peaceful and relaxing. I get bored if I don’t go out and do stuff occasionally, but it doesn’t have to be in the company of a friend. I don’t have problems going to the movies alone, and I actually love to go out to eat alone.
The last time I took one of those Myers-Briggs tests, it said I was an introvert, which I suspect would probably surprise most of my friends. But when I read the description, it felt pretty accurate to me.
By your OP, you seem to know the difference between introvert and shy or anxious. By the quoted section, you don’t. The first example is incredibly awkward, I’m sure many introverts are okay with talking to people, but don’t want to be conspicuously alone; they’d rather stay home. For the second, I am as I on the MBTI etc. as they come, and would rather shop with another because shopping sucks and it doesn’t waste much emotional energy to spend time with one other person; but costs much more to deal with nosy clerks while alone.
Introvert, about a 9. I look like an extrovert when in the company of other nerds, specially if they’re also introverts, but it’s about the only time. People are tiresome in general: extreme extroverts? Please God, save me from them. For purposes of that prayer, “extreme extroverts” are the ones who just can’t understand not everybody needs company and some people actually need time alone; I don’t have anything against people who like people (society wouldn’t exist without them). Just… go enjoy someone else now and then.
thelurkinghorror, someone introverted enjoys sitting alone at the party, people watching. Someone shy doesn’t, but can’t work up the nerve to join in. Big difference. I’ve had to explain to my friends, time and again, that if we’re at a bar or a concert and I’m sitting quietly, watching people dance, it doesn’t mean I’m bored - I’m impolite enough that I’d get the heck out of there if I happened to be bored.
I’m probably a 7ish. I like my alone time and I get a little nutty if I can’t get some time to myself each day, but I do enjoy being around people I know well.
I really don’t know what I am. I spend most of my days alone, and prefer to do so to be honest, but when I’m in the company of others I am vivacious and witty and the life of the party. I enjoy both when I have to.
Sometimes it can be annoying though if someone is very persistent about asking me to come to various social obligations when all I want is to be left alone, or if they’re the type of person who has to constantly fill silence with inane chatter.