Eyes and Brains (my SH22 fanfic)

Title: Eyes and Brains

Author: Jeanster

Category: Humor/Romance

Rating: R

Fandom: Sherlock Holmes in the 22nd Century

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Sherlock Holmes or any of the characters created by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. Nor do I own the animated series “Sherlock Holmes in the 22nd Century”.
It was the end of another case solved by the brilliant Sherlock Holmes.

He and Lestrade were in his living quarters. He was standing by the fireplace. She was a few feet away staring out the window.

Inspector Beth Lestrade cringed as Holmes explained how the crime was perpetrated.

But she was tuning him out. She finally had enough of his arrogance, his smugness and his superior powers of deduction. She was tired of it.

Of course Holmes was not really arrogant and smug. Only those jealous of him thought of him that way.

“Blah-blah-blah-blah,” she heard him say. Of course, he wasn’t really saying ‘blah-blah-blah-blah’. That’s only what she heard.

Then he finally said it. The words she was so very, very sick of hearing and swore she’d snap if she ever heard him utter those words again.

“Eyes and brains, Lestrade. Eyes and brains.”

And Lestrade snapped.

She lunged at Holmes, pushed him to the floor and pinned him down.

“Lestrade! What are you --!”

But before Holmes could finish his sentence Lestrade quickly covered his mouth with hers.

He could feel Lestrade pushing her tongue into his mouth.

This isn’t happening, he thought.

Holmes grabbed Lestrade and pushed her face away.

“Have you taken complete leave of your senses, woman?” he shouted.

“Eyes and brains! Eyes and brains!” Lestrade sneered. “I’m sick of you going on and on about your eyes and brains! How about letting me enjoy your lips and tongue? Or even better, how about letting me enjoy THIS part of you right here?”

Lestrade reached down and shoved her hand down Holmes’ trousers.

The look of shock on his face was priceless. Lestrade grinned wickedly.

“Get off of me this instant!” Holmes bellowed. And with that he grabbed her wrist and pulled her hand out of his trousers.

He pushed Lestrade off of him and quickly got up.

“What is the meaning of your atrocious behavior?” he asked. “I do remember you saying that I would be working under you, but this is NOT what I envisioned!”

“You know what, Holmes? For the world’s greatest detective, sometimes you can be completely clueless!” said Lestrade. “Haven’t you ever wondered why I arranged to have you brought back to life as a young man in his twenties instead of the very old man you were when you died? Look in the mirror, Holmes! You’re one damned good-looking sexy man! Those piercing blue eyes, that handsome face, that tall, lean, sinewy body, gahhhh! You drive me crazy with desire, Holmes!”

Holmes stared at Lestrade. He was horrified to hear her words.

She moved toward him. The expression on her face clearly revealed her feelings of lust and determination to have him right then and there.

“Stay back!” he shouted. “Watson! Watson, get in here!”

Lestrade cackled.

“Watson has been detained indefinitely. I saw to that myself.”

Suddenly a shapely female form streaked over and knocked Lestrade across the room. The inspector’s body slammed against the wall and slid downward.

“Ooooh,” groaned Lestrade.

“Hands off of my man,” said the stranger to Lestrade.

Lestrade tried to see who her attacker was, but she had trouble focusing her eyes.

“Who are you?” moaned Lestrade.

“Where are my manners?” said Holmes. “Inspector Lestrade, I’d like you to meet a dear friend of mine from long ago. This is the lovely Irene Adler. Irene, this is Inspector Beth Lestrade.”

Lestrade was stunned. No way, she thought. Her vision was clearing. She could see how beautiful Irene Adler was.

“I see you must be wondering how Irene came here to the twenty-second century. I’m not at liberty to reveal that to you, Inspector. What matters is that she’s here now with me.”

“We have so much catching up to do, my dear Holmes,” purred Irene as she stroked his arm and caressed his face.

“I couldn’t agree more, my dear Irene,” said Holmes.

“It’s late. Let’s go to bed,” said Irene as she slipped her arm around his and led him away.

“Good night, Lestrade. You know the way out,” said Holmes.

Lestrade could not believe her eyes and ears as she watched the couple go into the bedroom. Holmes closed the door behind them.

“Damn him! And damn her!” muttered Lestrade. She stormed out and headed for the nearest bar. She felt the need for some libation.

Meanwhile in the bedroom Irene kissed Holmes as he slowly undressed her. She in turn slowly removed his clothing from his lean perfect body.

“You’re the perfect woman for me, Irene,” Holmes whispered. “I couldn’t stop thinking of you since the day you outwitted me.”

They embraced and tumbled onto the bed while hungrily kissing each other.

“However did you manage to outwit me long ago, my darling?” asked Holmes as he gazed into her beautiful eyes.

“Eyes and brains, my dear Holmes,” she smiled. “Eyes and brains.”