No holy war, unless he asks what Jesus’ opinion of the Designated Hitter is.
All we know is that he has his phone number. What’s he going to do, call back and be annoying again?
I also seriously doubt the poor saps doing this stuff have any actual computer skills to speak of. It’s a script, like tech support, only dumber.
I only managed about 60 seconds with one of theses scammers the other day. It was my first time and I just couldn’t keep the glee at having the opportunity to fuck with them out of my voice. They quickly realised I wasn’t truly buying into it and said “look just forget it” and hung up on me. How rude.
Sorry I missed this one in real time! I never get phone scammers anymore, because with caller ID we never even pick up the phone if the name or number isn’t familiar. But chiming in on two suggestions anyway:
And tell him it’s because you need to transfer some money to Nigeria in a hurry, since a once-in-a-lifetime deal has come your way. If you want to go the route of playing the part of a big sucker that he really, really wants to reel in, I like this one.
This one’s good because it reverses the relationship - now you’re the one trying to sell him on something.
I’ve enjoyed chatting with the window helpers a time or two.
I’m inclined to respond as a manic unhinged person, just because it seems to flow fairly naturally.
I end up experiencing some genuine anger as I communicate my shrieking staccato conniptions:
*********Windows? Why are you calling me about windows?!
I HATE WINDOWS! I HATE THE WINDOWS IN MY HOUSE! I HATE STORM WINDOWS! I HATE THE WINDOWS INTO MY SOUL! THE WINDOWS OF OPPORTUNITY- THE NARROW WINDOWS OF OPPORTUNITY!! THE NARROW WINDOWS OF OPPORTUNITY ARE NOT FAIR- THEY ARE NEVER FAIR!! SO WHY DO YOU CALL ME TO PROPAGATE UNFAIRNESS WITH ALL YOUR TALK ABOUT WINDOWS- DO I CALL YOU TO SPEAK OF WINDOWS?*******
I don’t give them much of an opportunity to respond, and this isn’t a strict recitation of a script- just sort of how it can go.
My wife has walked in a couple of times and will ask “phone solicitor?”
***So, why do you hate jesus christ?
NO, THAT IS THE QUESTION! THAT IS THE QUESTION I AM ASKING YOU! WHY DO YOU REVILE AND HATE MY LORD AND SAVIOR…
If you have time and another person, hold them on the line as long as you can, say “Can you hold on just a minute?” Use a cap gun or other means of making a gunshot noise, then have the other person answer saying “Sorry, he’s no longer available…”. Then hang up.
I had some time and wanted to tie up some of those bastards time so using my extensive tech support experience I kept one on the line for 40 minutes or so. I had him wait while I “turned on my computer” and played ignorant as well I could. I talked about Safari and Apple to try and make him think I had a Mac but he never caught onto that. I put him on hold while I checked the oven or answered the door. Finally after he manged to get me to run a browser and type in a URL (this was 40 minutes or more in) I told him that I didn’t have Internet. I have to hand it to him, the bastard stayed very patient and composed through all of my dumbassery, but when I told him I didn’t have Internet he got flustered. He put me on hold and then had a somewhat demanding supervisor talk to me. He kept asking when I was going to get Internet.
I haven’t taken the time to keep on one the line that long again, now if I don’t just hang up on them I ask them “Does your mother know what you do for a living, scamming people?” That usually causes them to hang up on me.
That’s good. I’m so doing that next time.
One called the other night. First we had a long talk about intestinal trouble. Then he asked me to type something & hit enter. I waited a few seconds, screamed, told them that they broke my computer and then demanded that they send me a check to replace it. They weren’t happy with this.
But the weird part of the conversation went (approximately):
Me: If someone broke your computer, wouldn’t you want them to replace it?
Scammer: I didn’t break your computer.
Me: But if someone called you and told you to do something and your computer broke, shouldn’t they replace it?
Scammer: I wouldn’t believe someone if they called me.
Me: Are you saying I shouldn’t believe you?
Scammer: No, you should believe me!
Me: Good, you owe me $1000.
You should have asked him about your broken cup holder.
For those who don’t know: Reddit - Dive into anything
My plan has always been a step up from this. Start with talking about how I was thinking of switching to a Mac because I was having problems with Windows (to run the clock and show my ignorance) and eventually moving to a full sales pitch for Mac.
Does anyone know if the malware they want you to download works on a Mac?
Regards,
Shodan
What they want you to download is a remote-control program called TeamViewer that isn’t malware, if it comes from a trusted source. Not sure what source they have you get it from though. TeamViewer will allow them to control your computer remotely and show you all the “errors” on your computer, which are usually just normal everyday log entries. I think they break stuff themselves while they’re at it.
There is a Mac version of TeamViewer but I doubt they are equipped to deal with showing you the “errors” on a Mac. Still, I wouldn’t download it or give them access to your computer.
After you give them access and they show you the “errors”, that’s when they start trying to sell you their software to clean your computer. Not sure if they install the software themselves or entice you to do it, but that’s when things go from bad to worse and they essentially hold your system hostage asking for more and more money to fix the errors.
That would be trivial – there is a syslog on OSX as well. Should we start a new business?
Not sure what the next step is though – the OSX users I know wouldn’t know if there computer was “broken” or not, they have a fairly low level of expectation beyond “really light, and the battery lasts a long time”.