Family Crisis: Are You Obligated To Pet-Sit For A Sibling?

In My Humble Opinion
1

I have two sisters who live at the opposite ends of a large city. The older one has a cat and a large dog. Up to last year, her ex-husband lived near her, and he would take care of her pets when she went on vacation, but he moved out of the state last year. Now she wants to go on vacation next month, and she wants my younger sister to pet-sit for her.

The pets are kind of neurotic. The cat wants to be let out and in all the time. The dog has separation anxiety, and goes nuts if he’s left alone too long.

My younger sister does not like pets, and is a neat freak, but to be fair, the dog sheds and drools so much that even I would hate to have him in my house, and I’m a slob (I live in a different state, so luckily I’m not involved in this, but privately, all of us kind of hate to eat Thanksgiving dinner or whatever at my older sister’s house, because the dog is always jumping on people and stuff). The alternative is for my younger sister to drive a half hour each way at least twice a day to feed and water and calm them down and clean up the poop. Figure 3 or 4 hours a day of her time. She considers both alternatives unacceptable.

My older sister is shocked and hurt; like many pet lovers, she sort of assumes that everybody likes them, and she thought my younger sister would be glad to help out. Boarding her pets would be expensive, and she would hate the idea of doing it in any case, because her “babies” should not be institutionalized. She also has a lot of expensive stuff in her home (which is why she has little money to spare), and doesn’t want to have a stranger in it while she’s gone, not even a professional pet-sitter.

My younger sister says that she doesn’t have any pets because she doesn’t like them, doesn’t want them in her home, and doesn’t like to clean up after them. She doesn’t want to spend four hours a day for ten days schlepping back and forth across town to take care of them on site, either. She says that you should consider boarding or pet-sitting expenses part of the deal when you own pets.

I guess it’s a good thing that this is the most serious family dispute we’ve ever had, but it is threatening a formerly good relationship between them.

Suggestions?

2

If sister is well-to-do enough to have expensive things and go on vacation, then she’s well-off enough to pay for kenneling.

So the answer to your question is no.

3

Aw, hell no. Especially not for a vacation. I’m not even obligated to pet-sit for my mom, and didn’t when she was recently in the hospital. Besides the driving and whatnot, I just don’t think it’s fair to the little furface to be alone all day now that he’s gotten used to being social since she retired. And I’m a dog lover.

We gladly took him to the vet’s office to be boarded, and even upgraded his stay to include some doggy day care time so he could play with the other dogs and people (after he passed his Mr. Congeniality test). But no, I wasn’t willing to make multiple drives over to her house to let him out a couple of times every day.

Part of being a responsible pet owner is making accommodations for the pets when you’re unable to take care of them. If she can’t afford a pet sitter or boarding, she can’t afford her vacation.

4

Pet-owner Sis is in a bind, and I feel sorry for her. But she has chosen slobbery, neurotic and shedding pets, and then chosen to set a ridiculous level of expectation/need in them. It sounds like she has also failed to socialize/train them. (meaning the jumping up etc.) She needs to pay someone to tolerate all this.

Speaking as a pet-owner, pet-sitting is part of the cost of a vacation and she should have budgeted for it before making arrangements. My dog is very well trained, but I wouldn’t expect my family to take him in if I were out of town. I might put out the call on Facebook to see if anyone actually wanted a bit of fuzz therapy, or a few extra bucks that week. But I would never consider anyone but myself to be obligated to care for my pet. It’s just part of the responsibility of owning a pet. And neither you nor your 2nd Sis took on that responsibility.

And frankly, pet-sitting always turns out to be more hassle than people expect. I much prefer to place them at a good facility where there are kennels, and plenty of run-around room, and routine they can depend upon. Pet-owner Sis needs to look around and find a good facility. When my Mom ran a kennel*, the dogs ran joyfully up to the door whenever they returned, and the owners referred to it as “going to doggy camp.”

  • Yes, she ran a kennel, and I still wouldn’t consider her responsible to watch my dog.
5

I think it’s incredibly nervy for her to even ask your younger sister to take care of the pets for that kind of time period. Even putting aside the “she doesn’t like pets” angle, asking someone to take three or four hours out of their day for ten days to do you a favor…I wouldn’t even ask my husband to do that, let alone anybody else! And as for having drooly, neurotic animals in her house when she doesn’t like them–that’s pretty nervy too. And I love my pets. Is the older sister even offering to pay the younger for her time and inconvenience, or does she just expect her to do it because “she’s family”?

When I go on vacation, my cats go to the “cat resort”–it’s boarding, yes, but it’s very nice boarding where they have their own room and the people dote on them. It’s not cheap, but I consider it part of the cost we have to incur when we go on vacation. I don’t trust pet sitters to come to my house because I don’t like people in my house when I’m not home, I don’t trust them to be attentive and not accidentally let one of the cats out, and I worry what would happen if they had an emergency and weren’t able to come. So I pay. I think your sister should too.

6

Yeah, I thought this thread was going somewhere else. I was thinking, well, of course if there’s a crisis, I’d be willing to pet sit for the sibling having the crisis.

Part of the cost of going on vacation is kenneling your pets or hiring a pet sitter. We’ve been boarding our various dogs at the same kennels for nearly 20 yrs. We have a great relationship with them. Sometimes we board our cats, but sometimes the kid across the street comes over to feed them if we’re not going to be gone long. We factor it into our budget.

Your older sister should be doing the same thing. Either she hires a pet sitter or she could offer to pay your younger sister to do it. Younger sister still has the right to say No if she wants.

7

Everybody’s different. I pet-sat for my sister on her vacation; it involved an hour’s drive, four times a week. (Sigh… Being unemployed made it a lot easier…) But, no, nobody’s obligated (or obliged, or whatever.)

But if you say no, don’t expect any favors back! Payback is a hell-hound!

They shouldn’t have a fight about it. That’s pointless. Once you’ve said no, what more is there to say?

8

Agree. In an emergency, you suck it up and help your family. But for a vacation trip? That’s optional.

9

It sounds to me like the fight is really because the Pet-owner Sis has been in denial about her pets behaviour and popularity. @nd Sis seems to have gone into more detail than necessary (as opposed to just saying "It’s not convenient, I’m sorry.) So the emotion and negativity might be helped by a little 3rd-party parcticality. “Look, Pet-Owner Sis, I’m sure you’re hurt to find all this out, but the bottom line is that you are responsible for your pets, not anybody else. I’m really glad that you are able to take a well-deserved vacation, but it doesn’t imply a responsibility on anyone else’s part.”

10

Yep, when I saw the title I thought ‘In a crisis, it would be the nice thing to do, though you still aren’t obligated I guess’, but in the absence of a crisis, no way! A vacation is 100% optional. That is extremely unreasonable to expect. Your sister is way out of line IMO

I recently had to cancel a week-long event that I attend every year because the two dog sitters I usually use were both unavailable. I choose to not use the local kennels as I’m not comfortable with the way they operate. But the key things is: I chose. I don’t get to choose for other people. I don’t get to insist that other people do things to support my choices. I can change my mind and use the kennel. I can cancel my vacation. I can check with my dog sitters on their availability before I schedule my own vacation.

11

Not in this situation. I would probably have gotten annoyed if my sister/brother-in-law hadn’t pet-sit when I asked , but they lived next door, so pet-sitting consisted of 2 15 minute trips a day. And they had no problem sending their kids over to play with my pets.

12

I think you guys have already helped me come up with something. I thought boarding meant the poor dog just sits in a cage all the time. If there are places where they can have fun, then that should be OK. I’ll even chip in for part of the cost if it will keep the peace.

13

If my family were left destitute without housing, I feel I would be obligated to take them in, including their pets.

If they decided to vacation nearby, I would not be obligated to put them up. If I don’t feel like it, they can get a hotel.

For me, the issue isn’t taking in pets or not, it’s the difference between need and preference. If your family needs your help, you are obligated to help. If they want your help because it’s convenient for them, then you may do them a favor if you feel like it.

14

And in some places it does. Strangely, most people choose the Vet’s offices, where that is more likely to be true. Look up “Doggy Day-Care” in her area. (Or in a close rural area if she’s in the City) It’ll take some research and calling around, and she may have to visit 3-4 before she finds one she’s comfortable with, but having a relationship with a good one takes a lot of the stress out of pet ownership. Heck, they may even train them up a bit while she’s gone! :wink:

Just never ever leave your dog in a place that doesn’t let you come into the back and look around. :shudder:

15

Thanks for the tips. I will pray my sisters don’t read the Dope, and ask if anyone can recommend a good facility in Seattle?

16

Not obligated but its the nice thing to do. I think I’m navel gazing here a bit but my SIL is 40 living with her parents in a small town 40 minutes away. If we ever need a pet sitter on aweekend i dont know why she wouldnt jump at the opportunity. I mean really, in my ideal world family helps each other out.

17

I’m sure there are some places like that, but I think most are not nowadays. There is even a couple of completely kennel-free boarding facilities in our area. Considering my dogs mostly lie in one spot in the house and sleep all day, I don’t mind if they are in their kennels more often than not while I’m gone for a week or so. I know they get several hours of “recess” a couple times a day (they rotate the dogs in the play yard, so not all are out at once). I crate train my dogs and their crates are smaller than their kennels at the “Pet Resort” where we board them. I would like to try the kennel-free boarding, but since one of my dogs is a resource-guarder and he has to be separated to be fed, it wouldn’t really work. And also we love out kennels and the people who work they. They remember the dogs names and the dogs seem very happy to see them.

18

I would MUCH rather board my animals than rely on someone who has been guilted into caring for them, especially someone who’s not really into animals in the first place.

Even the old style vet boarding isn’t awful, there’s new stuff to watch every day and they do get out for walks at least, or there’s a run with neighbor dogs to interacts with. Unless the dog is really young and of a super active breed, they mostly sleep anyway.

Also, should something go wrong I want knowledgeable eyes on my animals, not someone who’s just there to fill food and water and open the door to the yard.

It’s really unfair of pet-sister to expect free pet care from non-pet-sister. Pet-sis needs to find a good boarding and day-care place and suck up the expense, or not go on vacation.

19

I do. It’s not a “facility” but a family home/private business. PM me and I’ll give you the number.

The woman who runs it grew up with my daughter. I haven’t seen her for years, but if her Facebook page is any indication, she’s responsible and reliable and loves dogs.

20

How anybody could be shocked at this is beyond me. I understand people love their pets. I think dogs are great - and cats are growing on me, but I don’t want the responsibility or have to do that stuff - which is why I don’t have them. I assume most people realize that some people don’t want to take care of pets.

I didn’t mind feeding my friends cat every couple of days - but he had done a whole bunch of stuff for me - so I was happy to help - and not to much out of my way - he certainly wasn’t expecting it. Someone assuming I’d WANT to spend 3-4 hours a day with their pets is beyond unreasonable. Geeze - I don’t even usually ask my friend for rides to/from the airport. Why is their time less valuable than what I’d have to pay a taxi? I couldn’t imagine imposing on someone like that and expecting them to do it.

Younger sister should NOT give in - older sister will always expect it and never learn. It is hard to stand up to people with unrealistic expectations on your time, but if you don’t - you’ll never be free of them.

This is a totally 100% elective trip - younger sis shouldn’t have to be miserable.