We like to use:
Nenard = retard
Memote = remote
My son who’s name is Daniel has several nicknames, ie.
Donny or Nonny.
Like every one else…I know there’s more, I just can’t think of it right now…It’s like second nature… 
“Wick-woo” - my sister’s and my approximation of what whistling sounds like from before we actually learned how to whistle. We still use this from time to time.
“Knife” - pronounced “kuh-nife” . . . my mom started this.
When someone farts = “their butt is growling”
My dad always said “Let’s go, let’s get to motatin’!” (emphasis on first syllable)
when he meant, “Let’s get a move on.”
Since I told this to one of my friends, she uses the word “motate” on a regular basis now.
Edwardina reminded me…
My brother and I always add an extra syllable to the beginning of words, usually “kuh” or “chuh.” “Can you pass the chuh-butter for my chuh-bread? Kuh-thanks.”
Also, family names:
Me (Kerry) = Kay-Kah or Kiu-Kiu
Brother (Kevin) = Ken or Kennin
Sister (Erin) = Winnie, Miss Winn, Win-Win
Edwardina, how funny, we say kuh-nife too. I think this all started for us with the Gary Gnu (guh-new) show on The Great Space Coaster (a kiddy show). Gary Gnu would put a “guh” before everything, so we extended this to any words that started with a “gn” or a “kn.”
Others:
The Sketti Getter: that spoon that has prongs, you know, the one you get the spaghetti out of the pan with.
Skissors: Scissors
Ginge: Ginger ale … I think we thought that if Coca Cola was Coke, that ginger ale could be called Ginge.
(this one is gross, sorry)
Wommit: Vomit
My grandmother, bless her soul, never lost her thick accent, and she once screamed at an older cousin who had been drinking at a graduation party and came home a little green around the gills, “Don’t you even think about wommitting in here! There will be no wommitt in my house!” Oh, we were laughing so hard at that one and it stuck.
The worst part is that I am so used to saying these things that I will say them anywhere. At work recently, a co-worker had an upset stomach, so I told her she should drink some ginge if she felt like she was going to wommit.
I used to do that too, except with a Big in front of fucks.
Another thing I loved to say when I was little was “Granma got big boombas” You know what I was referring to, eh? Nobody knows where that came from.
My sister who had an ear problem when she was little was absolutely not understandable by anybody but me, who was only 2 years older, and I had to translate for everybody. Too bad I can’t remember anything about her little language except that I was “Yi” which rhymes with sigh.
My dad’s mom is Beastie. When I was being a brat in the car one day at the fine age of 2, she said “You’re such a little beastie!” I came back with “No, YOU’RE a beastie!” And the name has stuck ever since. This was about 23 years ago or so, and all the other grandkids picked it up too. Our family doesn’t think twice about it, but you get odd looks introducing your “Grandma Beastie”.
We didn’t have morning, afternoon and night, it was morning, safternoon, and darktime. My brother heard “this afternoon” as “this safternoon” when he was young, and it stuck. He’s also responsible for our calling Winnebagos (or any big campers) Windbags. Driving through Disney one day when he was about 7 or 8, he yelled “Hey Dad, catch up to that windbag!” He thought the back of the camper said Windbag.
mabel pain: a lot of pain, like “really bad”–again, my brother, when we used to go to church they’d take communion to sick or elderley paritioners, and this one husband and wife, Frank and Mabel Pain were always on the list. So my brother said “Wow, that poor Frank. He must be really sick.” We kinda looked at him, and asked why. “Cuz he’s been in such mabel pain for a long time now!”
“That’s a hat” indicates someone is lying or pulling a fast one. This had something to do with a Pictionary game at a family gathering. Someone drew what was supposed to be a hat or something and we laughed at it… later when it happened again, my cousin said real sarcastic “That’s a hat.”
Silly Monster: My 6 yr old cousin’s name for my brother, when my cousin was a toddler. He was afraid of my brother or something. Weird kid.
Reddonnels - McDonalds
or
Smack Time - McDonald’s used to have ads with the jingle “It’s Mac Time now, time for McDonalds”. A friend’s sister used to call McDonald’s Smack Time, and it just stuck.
Umpsee (touch finger to lower lip) - Let’s see.
Aniny - Anthony
Draymond - Graeme
Pronouncing “kiev” as “keeev”, rather than “key-ev”. Also, pronouncing Berwick as “berwick” instead of “berrick”
Berwick where? The Maine Berwick is pronounced with the “w” sound… Then, the Bangor there is pronounce “Bang-gore” not not “Banger” like it’s supposedly said elsewhere, so that’s odd too.
My wife hates this one, which is why I love it…
Samich = sandwich.
Mamama = grandmother
Horse-Pistol = Hospital
Frigimagator = Refrigerator
Sketti = Spaghetti
Roast-Beast = Roast-Beef (a la Dr.Seuss i believe)
Jersey = Cd. Juarez (growing up in El Paso, TX, my younger brother still learning to read had trouble with freeway signs leading to Juarez across the border; it took a while before we realized “jersey” was in fact “juarez”, and the name kind of stuck)
Annie Mao = Aunt Marsha (My cousin started this one as a 3 or 4 year old, it stuck)
When someone in my family farts, we refer to it as the “Toothless old man” and he’s yelling for help. So when someone farts we then say…
“Speek up sir…We’ll find you!”
BTW- we don’t say fart…we call it Fating (short a). 
Inger-jail = ginger ale
Dr. Pecker = Dr. Pepper
Roast Beast = Roast Beef
mote = remote control
My 3 year old says **sponging **. Meaning Spinning.
“His wheels are sponging, mama.” (talking about his train wheels on the track.
**barfled ** throwing up.
Obsecologist - the combination of OB and GYN.
We have several of these at my house.
My son will be two in a couple of months so his pronunciation isn’t very good right now. When we sit down to eat he says, “Mom, fuck.” TRANSLATION "Mom, fork. Kind of embarassing if we’re out to eat.
Here’s some more:
Mote = Remote
Bell Bow = Elbow
Baff = Bath
Wah-ner = Water
fishin pool = swimming pool
chalk milk = chocolate milk
meatloaf = cantalope (my daughter can’t say cantalope for some reason so she calls it meatloaf.) 
Maw-Maw = Grandma
My SO and I even use these words… I wonder what people think sometimes when they hear us say, “Eat your meatloaf” and they see cantalope on the plate!
Farting is frequently excused as “barking spiders”. Or you might hear the question, “Did somebody step on a duck?” if the farter does not excuse him/herself.
We call Baskin-Robbin’s Ice Cream “bric” from a long-ago evening when dad was out of town and mom took us out to have brics for dinner.
When you fall and land on your butt your ‘planting onions’ Grandma used to use this all the time when I was small… I don’t know where she got it but she hasn’t used it in ages. Then again I haven’t fallen in ages.
cow = milk jug as in “The cow’s run dry!” Picked this one up at camp and took it home.
electric cheese = powdered cheese like the stuff with Kraft dinner. I picked it up at summer camp and I’m the only one that uses it in my family. It also applies to cheese whiz and cheese slices… any sort of processed stuff.
Uncle Dave’s = Wendy’s burger place.
Timmily Hortonilies (Tim-i-lee Hor-ton-i-lees) = Time Hortons Don’t ask me where I picked this up but whenever I want to go to Tim Hortons I say this.
Uncle Barney = Uncle Bernie Us kids were visiting relatives once and our younger cousins had just watched Barney. They nicknamed him that though I think I’m the only one who still calls him that.
Fluffed or “shooting rabbits” = farting
I can’t think of anymore right now.
Jadis, we called stir-fry “slop,” too! Probably because it got slimy if not eaten within minutes after cooking.
Hmmm. Let’s see.
My birth name is Christine. I was called Tina as a child. My little brother turned me into “Seesa,” which later became “Seece,” and eventually “See.” Then my niece came along, and I became “Sasa,” or “Sas” or “Sa.”
My big brother became known as “Fuzzy” when he grew a beard. Sometimes, he was “Grizzly Adams” or “Grizz.” My little brother was “Babe.”
For a brief period which I had mercifully blocked from my memory until tonight, my older brother renamed us “Weenie,” “Hiney” and “Nipple.” Guess who got to be Nipple.
In case you haven’t figured it out yet, my family is a classy bunch of people.
Italian ices are “Hassums” because my little nephew used to stand next to my father when he ate them and say
“Hassum! Hassum!” (“I want to have some!”)
“Bat Piss” is beer, because that’s what I used to think it tasted like. My brother used to go through an elaborate pantomime of extracting the precious fluid from a hapless winged mammal, culminating in the tragic moment when he would accidentally tear the bat’s wing off.
I hasten to add that no actual bats were harmed in the making of this joke.
My family specializes in catchphrases more than individual coined words. My father is prone to express his disbelief in a statement by saying “You talk like a man with a cardboard rectum!” Less frequently, he will compare the speaker to “a man who got hit in the ass with a baked apple.” No, I have no idea what that is supposed to mean.
My mother expresses her displeasure by inserting the phrase “your ass is —” into the offending phrase, then throwing it back at the speaker. A typical exchange during my (admittedly petulant and ungrateful) adolesence:
Me: “Hey, Mom! The spaghetti sauce is too salty.”
Mom: “Your ass is too salty!”
My Brother: “We’re out of toilet paper!”
Mom" “Your ass is out of toilet paper!”
(Which would make sense, actually.)
To this day, with my mom approaching 70 and my brothers and I too old to even think about, statements by my mother are frequently met by a chorus of “Your ass is—” by me and my brothers.
Unsurprisingly, no major network has ever approached my family to make a warm ane wonderful family Christmas Special, or even a Hallmark TV movie. Nonetheless, we live and hope.
“Big Uglies” = less-than-perfect baked goods that the kids get to sample (e.g., any slightly overcooked or mis-shapened ones, or corner pieces that don’t get cut very prettily, etc.) This came about one time when my Mom was baking cookies or something for a bake sale, and my sister Cathy was trying to mooch a sample. Mom told her “Don’t touch! They’re for the bake sale,” and Cathy replied “Can’t I just have that big, ugly one over there?”
“Swill” (akin to Jadis’ “slop”): Another time, my Mom was experimenting on a dessert. I think she took a blueberry buckle recipe, and was substituting blackberries. However, she left out a crucial ingredient (baking powder?). Everyone who came in and smelled it cooking asked “MMMmmm, What’s that?” Mom replied “It’s Swill, I left the baking powder out.” Swill became one of our favorite recipes…
“Flern” - Mom’s house name for a thingamajig, whatchamacallit, etc.
“Scrounge” was the reply to “What’s for dinner?” if Mom wasn’t planning to fix anything that night — in other words, we were all left to scrounge for ourselves.
Like Dolores Claiborne (and any other good Seussian-influenced household), we ate Roast Beast.