Watching Ken Burns’ “American Revolution.” I’m reminded constantly how families turned against each other bitterly, Loyalists vs. Patriots, and I’m remembering how families split during the American Civil War, both of which brought to mind the talk going around now about people on the left no longer on speaking terms with their MAGA families over Thanksgiving dinner, and vice versa.
I’m one of those who tries to ignore, and sometimes cut off entirely, close family members and friends who have declared themselves sympathetic to MAGA. In doing so, I think they have declared themselves racists, greedmongers, cruel (and occasionally gleefully so) people, or at least highly supportive of policies that have that effect, all traits that betray the character I thought my family and my friends possessed. I won’t be forgiving any of them any time soon (i.e., within the next few lifetimes), and I consider myself better off to be liberated from associating with such despicable people. At the same time, this is a painful choice. I have fond memories of all of them, from my days as a small child who admired these people and enjoyed their company. Still, I view those memories as false memories now, memories of my being deceived or beguiled by purely personal behavior as practiced by people who were, at their core, essentially rotten human beings. I’m certainly sparing myself some very ugly discussions by never speaking to these people again.
But I wonder how (or if) similarly divided people reconciled after the Revolution or Civil War. I’m inclined to guess that they didn’t. (And of course, every family’s case is different—I’m sure some forgave and some didn’t.) But were there any trends that applied in particular communities or circumstances? Are there any historical conflicts that had a reconciliatory trend, or a strong anti-reconciliatory one? I can easily imagine it going either way.