Paleolithic hunters stare at a mastodon that one of them just killed with a single spear throw into it’s side. One hunter says to the others: “We should write that spot down”.
Two hunters on safari stride thru the veldt side by side. Just behind them, muzzle leaning over their shoulders, is a huge water buffalo. But the hunters do not notice it, and one hunter proclaims to the other “Buffalo breath? Buffalo breath?! Shall we discuss your incessant grunting noises??”
A kangaroo with his leg in a cast holds a pogo stick while talking to another kangaroo, saying “well, I should be off this thing in another three weeks”
Two kangaroos are hopping along. One says to the other “Just jump! Stop saying ‘boing, boing, boing’ all the time!”
That sounds similar to one of my favorites. It shows three people on Jeopardy!. The names are “Einstein,” “Edison,” and “Joe” (or something like that). Einstein and Edison each have an astronomical number of dollars and Joe has negative 100. Joe is saying, “Just for the record, I don’t think my buzzer was working properly.”
Another one of my favorites is the one in which the guy invents a device to translate what dogs say into English. It shows him walking down the street surrounded by dogs saying “Hey! Hey! Hey! Heeeeeeeeey!”
The one I remember that he didn’t even dare try to publish was a groggy Jesus pouring himself a cup of coffee and muttering, “What time is it? I feel like I’ve been dead for three days!”
Another classic: lady is asleep with a cat at the foot of the bed. The window is open a bit and the dog is outside, whispering “Puuuuuut the caaaaaat ouuuuut.” The cat is awake and just looking at the dog. Kills me every time.
My favorite is also from the Pre-History book, but I don’t think it was unpublished, I think it was published as part of his first cartoon, which I think had been called “Nature’s Way.”
Doctor Frankenstein is at the door of his castle, the monster at his side, and he’s looking at Dorothy, the Tin Man, the Scarecrow and the Cowardly Lion, and he tells them, “I’m sorry, I just used my last heart and brain. Try the wizard down the road.”
Two old men are sitting on a park bench feeding birds. There are two vultures standing nearby looking at them. One of the men says “Now, take them big birds there, Ned. Never eat a thing, just sit and stare.”
Ooh, I just remembered another favorite. It’s totally a sight gag, so my description won’t do it justice. The caption is something like, “Nature’s warning signs.” The panel is divided into four illustrations: a cat fluffed up and hissing; a dog baring its teeth; a rattlesnake rattling; and a bearded man in a trenchcoat with a boot on his head, a puff-the-magic-dragon-style flotation device around his middle, and a shotgun.
And another: the one with the dogs who are happily waiting for their mistress to feed them. One says to the other, “Oh boy! It’s dog food! Again!”
One of my faves is the one where Tarzan is swinging from vine to vine. Each frame has him imagining how he should introduce himself to Jane–suave, casual, formal, etc. Then he finally reaches her and barks out, “Me Tarzan, you Jane!” The last frame shows him covering his face and thinking, “Damn!”
I also saw one that showed an Arab rushing from his tent to greet a friend who’d just dismounted his camel. He says something like, “Welcome, Ahmed! Have you travelled far?” I had to look at it a few moments before I saw that Ahmed’s butt was pushed halfway up his back from riding the camel. I just about died laughing!
The father of one of my best friends is an avid musician, who plays a lot of odd instrumets (banjo, accordion, 3 different types of bagpipes, etc). In his shop, he has one of my favorites framed:
Panel 1: St. Peter at the pearly gates saying “Welcome to Heaven, here’s your harp”
Panel 2: Satan’s minon at the enterance to hell saying: “Welcome to Hell, here’s your accordion”
My other favorite is a scene of a family of goldfish who were forced to evacuate their fishtank when their house caught on fire. The caption was something like “Well, thank God we all got out in time. 'course, now we’re equally screwed.”
A panel split into five horizontal sections. In panel 1, sheep walk to the left. Panel 2, one sheep stands and shouts, “Graze!” Panel 3, they graze. Panel 4, the same sheep stands again and yells “Back in the barn!” Panel 5, they walk to the right. The caption simply reads, “He was king of the sheep.”
A woman stands in her living room. The entire living room window is filled with a gigantic and angry looking eye glaring inside. The woman’s on the phone and is saying “Hi Edna, it’s Mabel… oh fine, fine. Say, would you mind looking outside and telling me what’s in my front yard?”
Chickens lay about the front of a farm, flopped about, their limbs askew in impossible positions. The sign over the entrace to the farm says “Boneless Chicken Ranch.”
A man, a cat and dog stand in the middle of a room with their heads touching, all going for a ball that rests on the floor between them. Above them in a cage a bird is thinking “All right!” The caption reads, “The coconut-like sound of their heads colliding secretly delighted the bird.”
“The only cartoon inspired by actual events”–a guy zonko lying in the doorway with a huge bump on his head. Above him is a pull-up bar in the doorframe and a big ding in the overhead.
And my alltime favorite:
“Sometimes it’s not my fault that people don’t get it”–He drew for a vertical rectangular frame, but some papers published in a square frame and had to crop. In the square frame we see an office building. The caption is something like: “Well, we’ve got two people out sick, and production line number two is down, and there was a fire in the bathroom and everything is going…well…you know.”
Then you see the original, with the piece which was cropped. It’s a sign on the top of the building that says “Haywire Manufacturing.”
My biggest regret for today will be that I won’t be able to describe these comics in an entirely accurate way. A pox on my memory.
A man is being pulled out of his chair by an invisible being in his living room while wearing a suprised look on his face and holding a newpaper in one of his hands. A little boy is standing in front of him with an upset look on his face and his arms are on his sides with his elbows sticking out. “Big bob is getting tired of you saying he doesn’t exist!” says the boy to his father.
A man is fixing to walk into his apartment when an Elephant wearing a Fedora and trenchcoat in the shadows says “Do you remember me Mr. Johnson? South Africa, 1978. Mr. Johnson, when you shoot an elephant you should always make sure to finish the job.”
“So I’m a wimp, am I? Well, to heck with you! To heck with all of you!”
The moods of an Irish Setter - ever so subtly different!
Cowboy rides into town on a horse of truly dubious quality. Horse has a wheel for one leg, a hoof attached by a spring for another, a broom up its arse for a tail, wonky teeth and googly eyes. Everyone is staring. He thinks “I hate this horse”.
After a shipwreck, a man is staggering ashore onto a tiny island with one tree. Sitting against the tree is another man with a ventriloquist’s dummy.
“Howdy stranger! I’m Ernie, and this is my little pal Gus!”
“Watch out mister! Ernie’s mad! He’ll eat you, first chance he gets!”
“Ha ha! Pay no attention, he’s just joking…”
“He’s mad, I tell you! Mad!”