Fastest you've ever quit a job.

About 15 years ago, I took a job as the office accountant for a local architect. By lunchtime I had discovered that I was being paid nearly half the salary of the guy I was replacing, company debt was being guaranteed by the owner’s country home and the bank called to say they couldn’t cover payroll. Having just come from a job where the company went into receivership, I decided i wasn’t living that life again and left.

I lasted at a kennel for less than a week. It was backbreaking, smelly, dirty, sweaty hard work for next-to-no pay a really long commute away.

Only afterward did I realize all the labor law violations (no pay for training, no breaks).

I was desperate fora job though and everyone else was there was so happy, so I thought it was me.

The final straw was when I was mopping and a teenage girl (I was in my late 20s) started telling me how to do it. Not where to get the supplies or what they wanted done priority, but how hold the mop.

Having to take orders in a menial job by a teenager on a power trip was too much for me.

Wow, after reading all the posts so far I feel like an old timer that I lasted for 4 days at the job I quit. Architect’s office. I’m doing a set of construction drawings on the computer. Computer keeps crashing. One of the architects gets it going for me in some convoluted, makeshift maneuver but doesn’t clue me in. It happened again. Obviously needs a service call but this architect tells me that I’d have to wait until their intern comes in to fix it. The intern who is in school and won’t be in the office until his Christmas break which is 3 weeks away… WTF?

Oh yeah, this was the place where the guy who hired me just kept talking, never asked me anything and never even looked at my portfolio that was sitting on the conference table during the interview. When the owner of the company called to offer me the position I was in shock but I accepted because I was out of work at the time due to a recession.

On my second day, 2 people in my dept. told me they had a bet to see how long I would last… I wonder who won… :slight_smile:

I think I was 16, and took a summer job as a dishwasher at a restaurant that was open 24 hours/day. When I showed up the next day at 11:00am to start, it was then that they told me that the night staff and the morning staff just stored up all of the dirty dishes, pots and pans until the dishwasher came in at 11:00. They were stacked from floor to ceiling and all along one wall of the kitchen.

I walked out right then. Estimated time: 3 minutes.

Once when I was woefully underemployed, I went to work for a company that sold credit-card payment processing services. The “recruiter” (boiler-room telemarketer) who contacted me and signed me up for training told me that I would be calling on qualified, interested prospects only so I gave it a shot. After one full day it was clear that it was just cold-canvassing, which I had no interest in doing. So it was back to factory temping to me. One day, or two if you count the training.

I’ve Googled the company since then and they have a pretty poor reputation. They’ve changed their name a couple times since then, too.

One day on the railroad. Rail and tie crew back in the mid-seventies. When I got the job, I didn’t realize I would be travelling around living in a railcar with a bunch of rough looking older guys (I was 18). Plus within a half hour of starting I crushed my finger with a big iron prybar. That was enough for me.

I took a job as a custodian at a small magnet school. The previous guy had quit something like two weeks earlier and the place was dirty as all hell. I worked 10 hours (all I was allowed to work in one go) and went home without having finished all the work (there was just too much of it) and aching from head to toe.

I called up an unemployed friend who was in much better shape than I was and offered him up as my replacement. He likewise lasted one day before quitting.

Nothing wrong with the job or the people, it was just too damned much hard work.
A couple of years ago, I took a job with a Security agency. On what should have been my first day on the job, it was 7am on Saturday morning and -20 degrees. My battery died on my car and I was unable to get it started even with a jump, so I had to call in and say I couldn’t make it. I got a nasty disciplinary letter saying that I should have planned ahead (huh?), and under the circumstances, should have called someone for a ride or taken a cab. Now I understand them being upset with me, but no way I’m calling people up at 7am on a saturday at 20 below and asking them to drive me 15 miles to a job.

I was scheduled to go the same site (a liquor store) at 6pm on Monday. I got called at 2pm and told to be there at 3pm because the regular day guy was going to be fired. I went in and found that they had changed their mind and wanted me to go home and come back in 3 hours. NO. So they allowed me to stay. They were going to fire the guy for “allowing” someone to shoplift an expensive bottle of liquor, but the Supervisor who came in to deal with it actually had the brains and balls to tell them we’d pull the account if they fired ANOTHER guy for this shit.

No breaks all night. Got yelled at for leaving the floor for 3 minutes to use the restroom. Got yelled at every time they noticed something missing. Intentionally allowed two guys to walk out with obvious bottles under their coats because by the time I closed the distance, I would have been stepping between them in the doorway, and NO WAY was I going to put myself in that situation. Got yelled at because an expensive bottle of Tiquilla disappeared, despite an employee and the floor manager being in that area and me being elsewhere.

They pulled my schedule for the rest of the week. When I complained, they sent me to a “mall” of very small Somali and African immigrant shops in a former industrial building right in the heart of gang territory. The previous day, a 60 year old guard had been fired for pulling his gun on gang members. The guy who worked there told me how often his car had been vandalized and that he went through a large bottle of pepper spray EVERY WEEK. In one hour and fifteen minutes, we kicked gang members out of the building seven times.

ONE GUARD ONLY. Yup, about 60-80 small shops, about 300-400 people at any given time, loads of gang members hanging around because it’s warm, has food and drink and shit to shoplift, and only one fucking security guard.

Here, I was a 45 year old white guy with no mace, pepper spray or weapons other than my gun, and this company did not provide health insurance. So I walked out.

The company pulled me from their schedule, but refused to fire me. So I refused to quit.

I got my first paycheck, for $105.35. IT BOUNCED.

Never bothered to call and ask for another shift. Still have their uniform somewhere. No one ever called to ask for it back, and I won’t give it back until they pay me the $20 their bounced check cost me in bank fees.

I actually tried the Vector Marketing thing. It’s not a scam, and I really like the knives, but I just couldn’t do all that brazen calling and wheedling of names and numbers. I barely did any of it.

The one that I just left was calling for carpet cleaning. No one sounded very pleased to get this call, and they were running their “5-year anniversary special” for no good reason other than it sounded good. I suspect they’d only ever had “sale” prices, which is now probably against the law.

What beats that is not doing anything more once I met a guy in a restaurant and found out that the job was selling water filters for home faucets. I didn’t even call him back.

Three days. I was hired to teach preschoolers, but they had someone quit the toddler program unexpectedly, and asked me to work there instead for a short while, you know, until they could find someone else. By the end of day three I’d been left alone with seven kids ages 18-24 months for half a day (with the director trying to heavily persuade me that I liked working with them), caught a cold from one of the little buggers, and had my alternator start to act up during the 1 hour drive home that night. I considered it a sign from God and quit as soon as I got home.

One hour. It was for a “registrations” job whose description in the paper suggested it was merely taking calls from people and filling out registrations for seminars or something like that. Turned out to be telemarketing, mostly cold calls. I quietly slipped out during the orientation.

I lasted six days detassling corn. I was 12, and soon learned there was a reason Indiana turned to children for such work: no one else would do it. I didn’t mind the 90 degree heat and 90% humidity–and having to wear long sleeves and pants to avoid corn rash–too much as I could listen to my walkman while tediously removing those tassles, often four hours at a time uninterrupted. But when on day six the “boss” said no more walkmans as it was distracting us from our work, I said screw it.

On the first day of that job, the “boss” guy said, “This will be the worst job you will ever have in your entire life.” Nearly 25 years later, I have to agree. Ugh.

I never did Corn Detasseling, but my sister did it once.

Once.

I’ve quit two different jobs without making it through the first shift.

The first was pizza delivery. The oven sterno thing in my car wasn’t well enough insulated and it melted part of the car seat and almost started a fire. Plus the manager literally screamed at everyone every minute. Two delivery runs and I walked out.

Another was a telephone survey gig. We had a script and almost the first words on it were a lie – that it would take only 10 minutes. In fact it took more than 40, and I got tired of the pissed-off people on the other end, and never came back from lunch. BTW – that’s what the temp agency told me to do, just leave and don’t come back. I would have stayed at least through the end of the day had they asked me to. I’m pretty sure they told the client another story about unreliable temps.

Under an hour; I think the check actually read “15 minutes”. Back when I was 18 I had accepted a job at a 7-11/Open Pantry type store and was just getting the “rules” before starting my first shift. The manager went down several points and got to “When you get robbed, you do this, this and this”. I countered with “You mean if” just to be told no - the place got knocked over every week or two. Of course, the manager quickly pointed out that no employees had been injured so far that year. Sorry - for 20 hours a week and minimum wage, not this kid.

Two days. Business #1: Good to employees so they always have lots of applicants. Business #2: Very bad to employees. Always have job openings.

So I applied to #1, got told they were full. Reluctantly I applied to #2 and was immediately hired since they can never keep any experienced employees. After day two (after I got disciplined for a truly worthless mistake) I went back to Business #1 as a customer and a friend of mine that worked there ran to talk to the hiring manager. He walked out and asked me if I still wanted a job. I said yes.

Other establishment banned me from the premises for 6 months. :smiley:

0 minutes.

They offered me the job at the end of some testing/interview and I turned it down. This was just after graduation from college (age 40) with a degree in accounting. The folks at 7-11 wanted me to go from store to store doing inventory for $14,000 a year.

When I was a pipefitter and there was lots of work I’d quit in a heartbeat, “You want me to do what? Get my check, I’m out of here.” When I was a pipefitter and there wasn’t any work it was, “You bet, get right on that.”

I managed to work for TicketBastard for almost a month. However, if you actually added my hours up I maybe worked a week. I was pregnant and dealing with major morning sickness and there was something in the building with an off smell that made me want to hurl within minutes of sitting down in my cubicle. If business was slow they asked people to leave - I was often first on the list. More than once I paid more to park than I earned that day. Combine that with crappy business practices and managers with entitlement issues, I just never went back.

Getting a job in our division is not a quick process - it’s not uncommon for it to be 8 - 10 weeks from application to hiring (including backround check). Last year we had a caseload open for a few months and were finally allowed to hire. Whoo hoo! My boss hired a woman who seemed pretty astute, had a great personality, and seemed pretty excited to get back into the workforce. She showed up for orientation… and never came back. It wasn’t even our orientation, it was the filling out forms / welcome to the county stuff.

One four-hour shift telemarketing. Soliciting donations for some fireman’s fund. Dunno if it was real or a scam. I felt dirty, and never came back for my second shift, or for my pay.

Joe

I did too, and I actually made some money from it. I decided then that sales was for me since for some reason people seemed to like buying things from me. I ended up getting away from sales after college. I figured I needed to decide whether or not I wanted that to be my career path, and ultimately found myself elsewhere. My first job out of college paid me much less than every sales job I had when I was in school. It was a little strange, but I’m thankfully past that now.

Now then, the quickest I’ve ever quit a job was five days. If you think you hate people now, try working at JC Penney, and for a cruel, red-haired petty dictator, no less. Do you have any idea how hard it is when someone asks “Where does the line start?” to not say, “It starts two feet over, at the sign that reads ‘line starts here’” really sarcastically? Do you have any idea how hard it is to work for a condescending bitch who honestly thinks managing a JC Penney in the Del Amo mall is akin to managing the universe? The good part is how much fun I had telling her exactly how I felt when I quit.

Oh yeah, I meant to reply to Anamorphic with something or other about what bullshit that was. I forgot what, exactly, I was going to say now, but it was something along those lines, and I wasn’t just randomly quoting stuff.