My mom also has all of Bill Cosby’s albums, even a Jazz one that she picked up by mistake. I have three of his CDs, one has all three Noahs. My all-time favorite is the half-hour long VW bit, I wish I could get that on CD.
ICECream! We’re gonna eat ICE Cream!
I’m gonna smear it all over my body. And then I’m going to put a green cherry in my navel, and I’ll be THE MOST BEAUTIFUL CHOCOLATE SUNDAE YOU EVER SAW IN YOUR LIFE!
I think a Buck-buck team had five (or maybe six) guys. Fat Albert was the last one. But Bill turned it into hundreds.
“- it was a little guy riding on top of a tall, skinny one; and he was beatin’ him with a stick sayin’ ‘Faster! Faster! You fool! You fool…’”
I still have most of these albums, I’ll have to break them out again, but here’s some bits I remember that I haven’t seen mentioned yet…
“… little tiny hairs, growin’ out m’ face!”
“I’m Superman, can’t you see my red S?”
“I’ll give you a red S… and a black eye if you don’t get out of that phone booth.”
And somewhat related to the OP, does anyone remember Weird Harold’s height and weight? I gotta find these old albums.
…and my mother had thrown the snowball away.
JeffOlsen, my mom had a Jazz album by him too! I’m amazed that it even sold 2 copies. Wasn’t it called “Golden Throat” or something like that?
“We’re going to the Zoo today, we’re going to the zoo…”
“I’m just gonna stick my toe out here, snakes, so don’t you bite me or nothin’”
“…And there at the bottom of the hill was 900 cops just waiting for us.”
I don’t remember Old Weird Harold’s measurements but I DO remember that weird sound his go-cart would make. 
“Old Weird Harold, we called him that because he was 6’9” and weighed fifty pounds. We used to use him to get the football out of the sewer."
I think I can still do “Driving in San Francisco” by rote.
"BRRRRR, TWENTY, SIXTY, EIGHTY, I GET UP TO THE TOP, I LOOK TO THE RIGHT…someboy put a stop sign, up at the top of the hill. 
“I said ya gotta be kiddin’. Nobody in his right mind would put a stop sign at the top of a hill like this. I figger the city didn’t do it; some nut went out to the Army-Navy store, bought himself a stop sign, he’s gotta spy glass: ‘Look Martha, we caught somebody up there!’”
I remember the bit where he learned karate. “Break a brick or a stick.” Then someone says “stick 'em up”, he whirls around to discover
it’s a midget
“Give me your money or I’ll blow your kneecaps off.”
And not to mention “do not touch certain areas of your body on the football field.”
“Some man came in here through the window and started jumpin on the bed”
“Noooooo dey ain’t! The PO-leece are your parents”
Great thread.
And just to return to the OP for a moment…
Nope. I don’t b’lieve Fat Albert actually had a number (in that routine, anyway.) He was…
“Awright, bring out your last man, you turkeys!”
[sub]Awright, let’s compare combs. See that? Yours is green, and mines is orange. Now let’s go out and get us some wimmins!
Junior Baaaa-aaarnes… you gunkie.
So I went outside, and I spit on 'im![/sub]
Your tonsils now, they guard your throat. they stand there, two guards, with hand grenades and bazookas, and anything bad that comes into your mouth, they fight it off. Well, in your case your tonsils have lost the war. In fact, your tonsils have gone as far as to join the other side and they’re going to kill you if we don’t take them out.
“…so I spit on him.”
Man, I had no other idea those albums were so popular. I just listened to them over and over and over…
“Get them brussel sprouts outta here!”
I used to say that to my wife when she was pregnant and then fall about laughing. She had no idea why.
I’ve won loads of prizes through rivia contests over the years, but one of the best was back around 1989, when I won 4 front row seats to see Bill Cosby perform live here in Austin. The prize package came with “backstage passes,” which don’t usually excite me (I’ve learned through experience that “backstage passes” usually mean you get to munch on cheap hors d’oeuvres in a broom closet somewhere FAR from the performers!)… but in this case, we (my wife, her friend, and my mother-in-law) actually got to meet Bill, shake his hand, and get a few autographs.
Now, his TV sitcom was still very popular at this time, but I’d never liked it much. Cosby’s TV family was just a little TOO perfect, in the same way that the Brady Bunch was just a little too perfect for any real person to relate to. But Cosby’s standup skills were as sharp as ever. He did a 2 hour show that had 10,000 people in hysterics from start to finish. And, while I have no problems with blue humor, I appreciated the fact that his show was clean enough for my mother-in-law to enjoy thoroughly (it’s not easy to be hilarious AND clean!).
What made his standup act so great was, it included all the NEGATIVE aspects of his home life. Oh, it’s not that he DIDN’T truly love his wife and kids, and it’s not that they were secretly a horribly dysfunctional bunch. It’s just that they were as screwed up as ANY normal family, and in all the same ways.
Best of all, his material was all brand-new. Only at the very end, as an encore, did he dust off one of his old chestnuts (the dentist sketch).
“Aw, man, don’t spit that water on me…”
“I’ll get THE BELT. The BELT was six feet long, three feet wide, and it had hooks on it that would rip the meat right off your body.”
To Russell, My Brother was one of the funniest albums I’ve ever heard. He could have been evesdropping on me and my brother when we were little, he had it so right.
Great stuff. My little sister was afraid of the Chicken Heart.
*“I got bad hair, an’ I can’t get any girls.”
“Yeah, an’ you’re ugly, too!”*
“I was lookin’ amphibious, to say the least!”
Great stuff! I forgot how funny those records were. As for Fat Albert’s actual number, I don’t think he had one. But he was the “Baddest Buck-Buck Breaker” around.
Fagjunk Theology: Not just for sodomite propagandists anymore.
“Smobek!”
“What’s that sir?”
“Ibe smebell smobek!”
“Certainly sir.”
“Mybe moubeth is oben fiber.”
Best Cosby ever.
And both my kids are masters of the “I donno.” routine.
Bill Cosby Himself put me into hysterics when I first heard it, and still does.
“I want you to go upstairs and KILL THE BOY.”
“Fiber! Fiber! FIBER! My moubth is oben FIBER!”
Spits
“Oh look, a rainbow!”
“Dad is great! Gives us the chocolate cake!”
And from To Russell, My brother…
“Wouldyoustoptouchingme! I TOLD you to stop touching me!”
And here I was thinking I was the only one harboring intense Bill Cosby nostalgia from my childhood.