“Goddammit, get in here!”
“But Dad, I’m Jesus Christ!”
“I think you flooded it.”
"How come?"
" 'cause there’s gasoline shooting over your left shoulder."
"Nah it always does that."
“What is this thing, an airplane engine?”
"Yeah.
“Well, how do you keep the engine cool?”
"Oh, you just have to keep movin’."
Man, I love that routine.
“Worst beating I ever got was when I finished my mother’s sentence for her. She said, “I’m sick…” and I said, “and TIRED!””
“Pick up your brain. Have you lost your mind?”
Regarding the OP, he definitely was a ringer. I don’t recall a number, just an impressive intro…
"[low voice]
Brrrring on…
…
…
Faaaaaat Albert! [/low voice]
Fat Albert was the baddest buck buck player in the world. Fat Albert weighed 2,000 pounds!"
Does anyone else remember the original Fat Albert special, where Fat Albert enters, and the ground shakes and splits before him; and they have a football game and the rest of the team is hanging off Fat Albert’s body as he heads for the endzone?
Yeah! I remember the football game…
“OK, so you’re the bottle cap…”
“No, no…I wanna be the piece of glass!”
“And there was always this fat kid that asked ‘What about me?’ ‘Hey, you go long!’”
“You go long” was a popular insult in my junior high as a result. I remember The Cos’ albums with great joy…gotta listen to them again.
“Now the problem with bathing in the toliet bowl is the water is so cold. That’s where Russell comes in…”
“Push harder so your Wallie Wallie’ll come out!”
“…and my friends found a statue of Dracula. Well, stole it, really.”
Frankenstein, IIRC.
“And they took out all the lights in the hallway. Then they put in a pink one, right next to the statue of the monster.”
[sub]And my whole family still uses “Yeah? I’d like to see whoever get a beatin’!” as an expression of “Sounds good, let’s do that.”[/sub]
I, uh, started out as a child…
From the football game: “Arnie, go down ten steps and cut left behind the black Chevy. Filbert, you run down to my house and wait in the living room. Cosby, go down to third street. Catch the ‘J’ bus. Have the driver open the doors at 19th Street. I’ll fake it to ya.”
Bryan, you’re really lucky I didn’t have any liquid in my mouth when I read this, cuz you would have owed me a new keyboard.
I’d forgotten that part.
Precious memories, how they linger…