How does your friend present herself? Does she dress well? Have a flattering hairstyle? Does she keep fit despite her weight? Does she keep the facial hair under control? There are certain factors she can’t change about her appearance, but many that she can. If she gives the impression that she doesn’t care at all about her body or appearance, I’d imagine she’d have a much harder time attracting men.
Let’s say that personality & attitude were not an issue, how much weight would have to be lost to make a difference in attractiveness? Should weight or facial hair be first priority?
If she had the greatest personality ever, but she was fat and hairy, no. I would not be attracted to her in the least bit.
Considering I am a 22 year old male and only shave about once every week, a woman whose admittingly fat and shaves twice a day would not be attractive at all. She shaves about 10 - 14 times as often as I do!
Hairy isn’t a big deal for me. Facial hair creeps me out–there are ways to take care of it, I spend time every day getting rid of that stuff myself–but body hair isn’t a big deal at all to me. In fact, I’m especially attracted to Hispanic women, who apparently are known for having more body hair than other races in general.
280 lb would be an absolute killer for me, though. No way, not in a million and a half years. I don’t know anyone who would go for that AFAIK but I do know there are people out there who would (just not any who have said as much to me).
I’m glad this thread got bumped as it was the one that persuaded me to re-register after many years.
I have PCOS, I am hairy, and I’m fat. I am married to a man whose been making me weak-kneed for 16 years. When we first got together I was a size 10/12 - parts of me are double that now (size 24 across bust, size 16/18 across hips). A year after we met, my periods stopped and I put on 4 dress sizes in 4 months without changing my diet. Now the weight just inches up if I take my eye off it for a sec.
Hubby stills thinks I’m teh hawt. I still have perfect strangers coming up to me to ask me out (occasionally, I’m not under siege or anything). I’m not that attractive but I’m pretty enough with nice hair (on my head) and a sense of what suits a woman my size. I wear creative underwear.
I shave my facial hair daily. Hubby doesn’t know this. I’d tell him if he asked but that’s unlikely so why volunteer the information? I napalm the rest as often as I have time for, which I need to do often as I’d have a bush the size of Asia if I didn’t.
I’ve been going to an endocrinology clinic for almost 8 years now. I’ve tried 5 different medications, none of which did much except give me awful side effects. My professor’s team has calculated that I need to eat under 1000 calories daily (around 800 usually) in order to lose weight, if I’m also exercising daily. I can keep up this starvation diet for 4 weeks max. before I begin to eat the furniture around me. I went to the gym 5 days a week and worked out for 2 hours each time, and kept this up for 8 months. The team then calculated that I’d managed to put ON over 20lbs of muscle weight without losing fat weight - my clothes were tighter and my testosterone readings went nuts. I had bulked out like a body builder, and felt the most unfeminine I’ve ever felt in my life, even moreso than when the team told me I don’t ovulate and it’s unlikely I’ll have children.
So then I had weight loss surgery a year ago, as the docs thought it was the best option. I’d have had the op performed for free if I hadn’t been dieting and exercising for the last 10 years - if my BMI had been over 40, it would’ve been free. I’d been fighting to keep it down, so I ended up paying £8000. A year later, and I’d managed to put on another 15lbs, which was how they figured out the op had gone wrong. I had my 2nd (gratis) op a month ago.
Laser hair removal doesn’t usually work on PCOS women - I only found this out after spending £200 on beard removal. The lasers zap the hair, but don’t fix the hormonal imbalance that keeps encouraging bristle-growth, so it all just comes back again.
In summary:
Yep, PCOS is crappy. I have no energy from the food I do eat, I watch every single thing that passes my lips, I exercise daily but not too much as muscle weight gain messes up my weight measurements. Being a bearded lady is in no way glamorous: I’ve done my very best to persuade myself that it’s no big deal, I’ve bought myself fancy shaving stuff (in pink, no less) but still, I’m a woman with sideburns. It’s doubtful I’ll ever have children. It’s hot here today and my ankles are swelling, so I’m going to get onto my cross trainer in a minute in an attempt to get them to go down, AGAIN.
But! Good stuff:
- I know my husband loves and desires ME, and everything that it means to be me. He liked me little, he likes me big (especially the boobs and ass). He’ll like me little again. He may get to like me bald, as I’ve got the beginnings of male-pattern hairloss. Yay!
- I get to have a boob job at 40 to hoik the girls up again once I lose the weight. This means I’ll have nice perky breasts into my 60s
- If the career goes wrong, there’s always a place for me in the circus
- I’ve spent all the money that I may have spent on developing a drug or alcohol addiction. Ya never know, I might’ve, and now I can’t
- I eat a better diet than anyone else I know as I have to watch it so closely. I recommend a low GI organic diet for your friend: low GI helps keep my blood sugar level and my energy up. Apparently (I have no cite) some researchers have found out recently that the huge increase in PCOS over the last 30 years is due in main to the amount of hormones and pesticides in the modern diet, so organic is the best way to go.
Get your friend to her doctor. I wasted 6 years trying different meds but I know they’ve worked for many women. Tell your friend that one of my PCOS ladies just had a baby with a hot younger man that she met after she became fat and hairy, too. And remind her that, once she finds a gorgeous hunka man to frot with, that he’s not with her because she’s a tightbod who’ll impress his friends 
Sure, if she weren’t highly self-critical. Lots of women are hairy, or there wouldn’t be so many ways to depiliate.
She may want to check with her doctor about Metformin. It’s being used now to treat PCOS, which overlaps in many signs and symptoms with diabetes. She may also want to get her hormone levels checked, including DHEAS (not just DHEA), and her thyroid levels. IANAD, just a person with glucose intolerance and a little mild PCOS.