"Fat and hairy"- a turnoff?

She has a condition called PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome)- with symptoms such as excess hair on her face and body, irregular periods, and problems with weight gain (around 280 lbs). She has to shave her face twice a day. She doesn’t think anyone would be interested in her because of this.

So, with all other things being normal, would this be a turn-off to you? Do you know anyone who wouldn’t mind this?

(No, I don’t know her personally but I have a friend who wants to know.)

It would take a much better man than I… not much better though. My last serious girlfriend had trouble with female facial hair… it wasn’t too much of a problem. But shaving twice a day is pretty damn serious.

She gained 280 lbs or she weighs 280 lbs? I wouldn’t find either attractive, but one certainly is much, much worse than the other.

I wouldn’t go there. No sir. Of course, there are many out there much less shallow than me.

A Clarification I meant to add, so I don’t sound completely horrid…
the woman describes herself as “fat and hairy” and is sure no one would want her. My friend is trying to assure her otherwise but is not attracted to her himself. So knowing that I have a finger to the pulse of the world via SDMB, he wanted me to ask this.

That’s a huge drag. I found this site that says they treat it with birth control pills. Has she tried that? http://www.4woman.gov/faq/pcos.htm

Another site has other treatment options: http://www.ivf.com/pcostreat.html

Good luck helping her find a suitable treatment.

Yep. Sorry.

On the bright side, I guess some men out there have a bit of a fetish for hair.

Also, there are pretty cheap anti-androgens that supposedly help with hirsutism associated with PCOS.

I’m also “fat and hairy” and while I am not the hit of the party I have had plenty of good relationships since I’ve been diagnosed with PCOS.

Usually the fellas are fat and hairy too :slight_smile: Any guy who doesn’t like me because I am overweight and am a little more hairy than other girls (I pluck daily…never shave my face!!) isn’t the kind of guy I’d be in to anyway.

Lots of guys would be turned off by it, and I don’t blame them, but when you find one who isn’t he’s the kind of dude you want to keep around.

I hate to get too philosophical, but people succeed primarily because of their strengths, and only secondarily because of overcoming their weaknesses. We have all met someone who seemed very physically unattractive, but did indeed have someone who loved them. So I do think she needs a better marketing strategy than what you’re offering up :slight_smile:

I’d encourage her to take the medical issues seriously, invest in the cosmetic procedures available, and focus on whatever her true strengths are–smart, kind, funny, creative, etc.

I wouldn’t have a problem with it. I’m not a man. I’m also married. But if I weren’t, that wouldn’t be a turn off. If she swung that way, I mean.

As long as she is kindhearted, I’d have no problem in the world.

Have you been reading Dan Savage? If no, here ya go


(I can’t seem to find the original column from FFF but it’s there somewhere. And it establishes that someone would be interested in her.)

I have PCOS and I’m fat and somewhat hairy. I can get by with tweezing at this point, but occasionally my SO points out a single long stray. He doesn’t have a problem with it. I suspect he likes big girls because he always makes appreciative comments about my big booty and legs. :slight_smile:

He’s a great guy…surely there are others out there like him?

There are treatments. Your friend should encourage her to look into it. My best girlfriend has laser hair removal because despite treatment sometimes the hirsutism won’t go away. Personally I had great results with a sugar-free, low carb diet when I stuck to it for long periods.

This, as I see it, is the real problem. Sure, she’s got challenges, but if that’s how she describes herself… feh.

Sorry, but lack of self-confidence is probably the biggest turnoff there is. Everything else is negotiable.

Just my opinion, YMMV, etc. etc. etc.


I want to agree with this. I had a friend that wanted to know why the guy we had set her up to phone never called again. We found out it was because she described herself as “pretty fat”.

Now, I am not saying you need to lie, but why say anything at all.

And for the record, she wasn’t “pretty fat”.

You should encourage her to visit the forums at http://www.soulcysters.net for some advice on managing PCOS from others who are dealing with it.

Being fat is not that rare nowadays, and there are definitely guys out there who appreciate big women. Even when I was much fatter than her I was able to get men (although I do have a wider selection now that I’ve lost weight).
No, I wouldn’t expect most guys to be attracted to a woman they knew had a facial hair problem, but fortunately there are ways of controlling facial hair so it doesn’t have to be an issue…again, something that the women at the linked message board can hopefully help her with. But then again, Frida Kahlo did have a husband, so I guess you never know. :slight_smile:

Here’s the original: http://www.avclub.com/content/node/49234

I think what might be more of a turnoff, at least to anyone who talks with her, is a “who the hell would be interested in fat & hairy me” attitude. I know a cute, wonderful woman with PCOS who’s happily married, has one kid and is pregnant with another (PCOS affects fertility, I gather), and doesn’t look hairy from what I’ve seen, at least. She’s got some extra weight on her, but lots of people do without a legitimate medical condition.

A girl I went to college with had a beard. It wasn’t a big beard, and it didn’t cover as much as her face as my facial hair, but there wasn’t definately a bunch of very visible dark hari growing from her face. She didn’t bother shaving or plucking or anything. Despite this, she was cute in a way, and really cool. She had a nice boyfriend and I’m assuming they’re still together since I haven’t heard otherwise.

Yes, with all other things being normal, fat and hairy would be a turn-off.

Facial hair on a woman is something I don’t think I could ever get past.

And, as the question is posed, I don’t think I know anyone who wouldn’t mind that.

But, I’m not the one who has a chance to date her. If your fiend digs it, then your friends digs it. He might not like “fit and smooth” but he’s not dating my wife.

Hairy is easy to solve. Fat- not so much. OTOH, I like my women zaftig as opposed to anorexic. If the weight is under control, and well proportioned, then hell yes.

I’m fat and hairy, and my wife still think’s I’m hot.

Hairy, 280 lb and still gaining? There’s a word for that and that word is hot.