It’s not an issue for Greg anymore, but it’s interesting that he gave no hoots about it back then, but is now regarding regular moves as a BAD THING. And as I suggested, perhaps the family are now in the ‘movin’ groove’ because of those earlier experiences rather than anything more sinister.
You claim that Susan and her family have ‘no reason’ to move…and I maintain that sometimes people don’t necessarily need ‘a reason’ when they feel like moving on, especially when they’ve had a history of such.
It didn’t matter much at first because the kids were young and not in school. Then when faced with another move (to an undesirable location that Susan refused to go to), he took the option of going to Korea (alone, a shit assignment) for a year so that Susan and the kids could stay at home.
I don’t see any way for Susan to get a job. She’d be paying more for childcare than she’d be earning, and you don’t want the boyfriend taking care of the kids for her while she’s gone. She couldn’t possibly make enough to come out ahead, so being a stay-at-home mom is really her only option.
So he takes the ‘option’ of going to Korea for a year whilst his wife has the sole responsibility of taking care of three little kids??? I know who got the ‘real’ shit assignment, and it wasn’t Greg. :rolleyes:
Yeah, I can understand now why the courts might have been reluctant to award him custody of the boys.
This is a moot point, but it could help someone else in similar circumstances. Once the accused was accused, given joint legal custody it may have been possible to try to get an order of protection from the court, forcing the accused out of the house and requiring only supervised visitation until the criminal trial was complete.
That may have been a more successful and cheaper option for protecting the kids, though of course there’s zero chance of Dad getting custody that way.
I think you’re playing-the-victim more than anyone is blaming. No one said that moving back would solve all his problems, but it’s undeniable that he’d have more opportunities to see his kids no matter how many times you throw up the “but she’s crazy!” card. The possibility that at least some of the “parental alienation” was probably caused by his move and not purely Susan’s evil manipulations. 10, 12, 14 year olds don’t really get all the money Greg has blown on legal costs; they do get that he moved a long ways away.
But the thing is, I’m not “blaming” him for noting this. I’m actually not one of those types who thinks you should give up your entire life for the sake of the kids. Greg’s got a right to build a life he wants.
The only real advice to you I have is that I hope you don’t play up and egg on the “OMG, she’s EVIL” when discussing these issues with your husband. It won’t help him deal with anything.
eta: Shayna’s advice might work in a perfect world, but I have a feeling spotting some low grades isn’t going to bring down the wrath of child services. I also doubt many people can keep up that kind of daily attention she prescribes for very long.
I see a lot of people want to come in and nitpick what the father has done in the past. I’m not really interested in going down that road, except to say that his “errors” in parenting don’t seem any worse than the mother’s “errors” in parenting.
The way I look at it, the father would like custody of his children now, made a great effort to get custody, and lost his case. So he is understandably upset. I see no good reason why he shouldn’t have custody now. As a matter of fact, I think that would be fair: the mother has had custody so far since the divorce, now it could be the father’s turn.
that’s not how it works. courts don’t routinely go back and re-award custody. the entire point of a custody determination is to provide some finality to the whole thing so that the kids can finally get on with their lives. courts only modify if there are really good reasons. apparently the reasons weren’t good enough here.
you think it’s a good thing that, willy nilly, ex spouses can fight, for a potential maximum of say 18 years, in court and use their children as the weapons?
3 years later, mom comes back and sues for custody. then 3 years after that, dad comes back. rinse and repeat.
Short of hiring a private investigator to follow Greg’s ex around to get more ammo for another court fight, I think the only thing for Greg to do now is try to get some communication going with the kids. Visitation, phone calls, letters, e-mail, Facebook, whatever he can do.
Personal visits would be best. You say the ex won’t cooperate, but if he tries and she won’t let him see the kids – and there’s a divorce decree stating his visitation rights – then he needs to follow through and file for contempt of court.
It’s not the end of the world. Greg trusted her enough to leave the kids in her care for long periods of time. It sounds like it was mostly the child molesting boyfriend that made him question her judgment (and rightfully so). She’s not a perfect mom – maybe not even a good mom – but maybe you can take some comfort in knowing that the kids don’t seem to want a change. Yeah, they can be brainwashed and manipulated, but there are three of them, one of them 14, and if things were really bad, I think they’d have spoken up.
I agree 100% with this. If Greg absolutely cannot be any closer physically to his kids, then he must insert his presence in their daily lives in every way he can.
See, here is why I find you an unreliable reporter. Korea is usually considered a hardship tour and families are not taken. Not that ‘Susan didn’t want to go, what a bitch’. But that Susan and the kids would not be allowed to go because they don’t send families to Korea like they do to say, Germany.
ETA: All my military friends who went to Korea had to leave their families…every single one. This is why several of my friends did not re-up.
I think you misread what she said. I read that as [option to go to X location as a family] is refused by Susan, and so [alternate option, Korea alone] is taken.
I think that if a parent has had custody for X years, and the other parent is far away, and asks that the children be with him for another X years, it would be fair to split the custody. It would be better if you didn’t have to go to a nasty court fight to get that to happen, but it seems fair to me that both parents get to have a chance to raise their kids.
Stating the opposite point of view: Do you think it’s a good thing that the custodial parent can drag their feet about visitation rights, lie to the non-custodial parent about the kids’ performance in school, use the child custody money from the father to benefit not only his children but her children from another marriage, and her step-children from whatever unemployed boyfriend decides to move in with her, with the father being powerless to prevent any of that? how is this a good thing?
You misunderstood. He was assigned to a US base, one of the most unpopular Air Force bases located in bumfuck Minot, ND. Susan said she refused to move there with him. So he took option B, going to Korea, which meant Susan could stay at home in California. He did her a huge favor by taking a crap assignment overseas for a year, instead of going to Minot, ND for 2-3 years without his family, and allowing her to stay home.
It is interesting to note that it was while Greg was in Korea that Susan started up an affair with her (now ex-) husband. She was cheating on Greg while he was overseas, and even had the guy living with her in their on-base housing! He was unemployed and had nowhere else to stay, so Susan shacked up with him in Greg’s base housing, with Greg’s three children wondering, why is mommy’s “friend” sleeping with her while daddy is away? :rolleyes:
Then Susan became pregnant with this guy’s kid, and she gave birth to the kid while still married to Greg. She then married her (now ex-) husband as soon as her divorce from Greg was final.
Think about this story for a minute. Greg goes to Korea because of Susan’s wishes. She starts cheating on him while he’s overseas. Has the guy living with her in Greg’s home with their children. She gets pregnant and gives birth to the other guy’s kid while still married to Greg. How fucked up is that??