Egg Salad Sammiches with Bacon
Has slightly more than 4 ingrients, but only if you’re counting bread and lettuce. And you wouldn’t do that, would you?
For each sammich:
Two eggs
3 strips of bacon
2 slices of toast
Mayo (NOT MIRACLE WHIP (“The Devil’s Own Jizz”) REAL MAYO! NO COMPROMISES!!!)*
Lettuce, preferably romaine
Salt/pepper
Get two eggs. Put 'em in a pot of cold water. Put pot of cold water on stove. Turn stove on. Once they come to a boil, reduce heat to simmer. Let 'em simmer for about 10 minutes (or longer at high altitudes). Once the time’s up, dump 'em into running cold water AT ONCE, and crack the shells. Let 'em sit under the running cold water until cool enough to peel
Meanwhile, bring home the bacon. Fry it up in a pan. Never, never, never let you forget I’m the man! Um…strike that last bit. Put the bacon in a cold pan. Turn the heat up 3/4ths of the way to full. Bacon will start to sizzle. Spoon off fat as needed. Flip bacon several times until bacon is just barely golden brown. It won’t be crispy yet: it doesn’t get crispy until it cools a bit. Let it drain on paper towels.
Meanwhile toast a couple of slices of bread.
Take those eggs and chop 'em roughly, or, if you have an egg-slicer deal, put 'em through it twice, turning 180[sup]o[/sup] before the second slicing. Add a couple of tablespoons of Mayo. (NOT MIRACLE WHIP (“The only ‘miracle’ is that it doesn’t put more people in the hospital”)!!!*). Add a bit of salt and pepper. (Under-salt this. The bacon’s gonna bring a LOT of salt) Mix.
Put some egg salad on one of the slices of bread. Put the bacon on the egg. Put a piece or two of lettuce (romaine is great for this) on the bacon. Put the on the top slice of bread.
Put your thumbs under the bottom slice of bread. Put your fingers on the top piece. Grasp sammich firmly. Bring to mouth. Open mouth. Take a bite. Chew. Swallow. Repeat until finished. (Warning: do not eat your fingers!)
Fenris.
*This microrant brought to you by The Society of Real Mayo Lovers (SoRML).
