“Crito, I owe a cock to Asclepius. Will you remember to pay the debt?”
– Socrates
What are your faves? What famous recorded/reputed last words do you consider most memorable, timeless, classic, and/or fucking-sick awesome?
“Hold my beer and watch this…”
-Unknown Redneck
“Either that wallpaper goes, or I do.” (Oscar Wilde)
Edgar “Doc” Tillyer, the guru of American Optical, lay in a semi-coma in the Southbridge, MA Hospital. A doctor looked in and commented, “So this is the great Doc Tillyer with 100 patents?”
Doc, still pretty much out of it, commented back “200 patents”
He actually had about 150, but who’s going to correct a comatose dying genius? Especially one who scored a bon mot in that state?
Probably a UL, but Terry Kath of Chicago supposedly said something to the effect of “don’t worry, it’s not loaded”, before blowing his brains out.
Purported story, but my fave nonetheless:
Ethan Allen, the patriot was on his deathbed. Someone who was there said, “Ethan, the angels are waiting for you.”
Ethan replied, “Well God damn them, let 'em wait.”
“It would be nearly impossible for the opposing forces to have their leaden shot successfully penetrate the epidermis of a member of Proboscidea when there is this patently high amount of space betwe…”
“They couldn’t hit an elephant at this dist–.”
- General John Sedgwick, killed by a Confederate sharpshooter in 1864
“How about this for a headline for tomorrow’s paper? French fries.” - James French, executed by electric chair in Oklahoma, 1966
Pioneering high-ass drag queen Bert Savoy was struck by lightning on a beach in 1923, after (supposedly, but it’s a great story) saying after a crash of thunder, “Mmm-mmm, ain’t Miss God kickin’ up something fierce!”
“Texas. Texas. Margaret…”
- General Sam Houston
This one is a tad macabre, but here you go: A link to the last statements of executed offenders from Texas’ Death Row.
While Artist Toulouse-Lautrec was on his deathbed he looked at his father and said, “I knew you’d be here for the kill.” Later, his last words were reportedly (directed at his father), “look at the old fool.”
“Let us cross over the river, and rest under the shade of the trees.” – Stonewall Jackson
“Dying is easy. Comedy is hard.” – Sir Donald Wolfit
That is an absolutely fascinating website, thanks pravnik.
The last dispatch of writer/explorer Richard Halliburton, while at sea:
“Southerly gales, rain squalls, lee rail under water, wet bunks, hardtack, bully beef. Having wonderful time. Wish you were here- instead of me”
“This is funny.”-“Doc” Holliday
As Woody Allen said “I’m not afraid of dying. I just don’t want to be there when it happens!”
Nelson: “Engage the enemy more closely.” OK, it was his last signal - his last words to his men.
Wow. Thanks for the link. I read 15-20 of them, and they were pretty underwhelming. Most of them were just kind of sad and banal. An interesting window into what goes through the mind of someone who knows he’s about to die. 
To me John Adams death scene was always kind of goosebumpy - he dies on the 50th Anniversary of the Declaration of Independence, he is 92, his last words:
“Thomas Jefferson still survives.”
Jefferson had died earlier that day - 50 years to the day the DoI was adopted by Congress.
How come nobody ever says, “I’d do it all again!” or “I’ll see all you rat-bastard screws in Hell!”?