Well, it completely shut down during last week’s storms, so, no. Also, not on the route between my house and my office, so, no. Also, in general, compared to places like NYC or Boston or London? Oh, hells to the no.
Sprawl. We has it.
I don’t have enough ANGRY to fuel this rant because I’m too fucking tired but there’s nowhere in MPSIMS to put it.
I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired. The past month has just been one long fuckity fuck on my body. Got bronchitis, didn’t get diagnosed for 3 weeks. Got antibiotics which gave me a yeast infection. Had my period which is its own circle of hell. Then I got a stomach bug which had me worshiping the porcelain throne for a day. Now that that’s done, my body doesn’t want to start back into its natural digestion process, so I have a stomachache. Also, my uterus has decided it’s not done bleeding yet after a week of peace. And now I’m concerned that the yeast infection might have fucked me up enough to be the cause of period returning.
I just don’t have it in me right now to deal with with my coworkers’ fuckups and fixing them, since I’m just trying to make my body work normally again.
There are neither enough palms nor enough faces.
Oh my god, I thought I was the only person who slept with my eyes open! Everybody else makes fun of me for it.
Personally, I strap on a brasserie. Mmmmn.
Oh, man, I hate that day or two after the periodic mandatory password change.
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… what the hell? Oh, right.
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Don’t forget to do your pre-mammogram workout.
Slam your boobies in the refrigerator door ten or twelve times and then leave the door closed on them for three to five minutes to acclimate them to the cold. This actually works better with a chest freezer, but not everyone has access to one.
I have no doubt that in a museum in a millenia or so that mammogram machines will be displayed beside the iron maiden and thumbscrews as an invention of the Marqis de Sade.
Kittens, please quit losing your baby teeth in my bed. It’s kinda gross, and the tooth fairy doesn’t stop by for kitty teeth. Also, quit with the batshit insane act. You had been doing so well, but we’re back to the curtain climbing, jumping on the counters and cupboards, and now even climbing on the shower curtain. It’s not fun to be half awake in the shower and have a cat land on you. It’s even less fun when it happens to TheKid and I have to deal with her pissiness. I tell her to close the door, but that would make sense.
Who know Tuesday afternoon was the best time to take great-great grandma to the grocery store? They were everywhere, all moving slower than a snail on valium. Dithering over the pork chops. Pondering the complexities of milk. A bag of lettuce is a bag of lettuce, just put it in your cart and go. Three deep in front of the cat food, couldn’t get around them. Thank heavens for self-check out. Usually, I am quite patient. I’ve been grocery shopping with my mom, and it can be a pain in the ass. But today? Not so much.
Yesterday I took the day off. Planned on sitting around in my jammies, sewing, watching movies. Instead, TheKid and I traded off time in the bathroom for a good four hours. Got some good reading done, at least.
I suspect I look like the people who watch Two and a Half Men.
When one is reading the expiration date from one’s credit card, one generally only needs to read out the month and the year. I don’t give a flying fuck in a sex shop what day your card expires, the program only has spaces for the month and the year. Stop messing me up by giving me the day. It’s not my fault you got the Overly Specific Card Option.
When someone says “March 18, 2013,” you can’t just ignore the “18”?
WAG: it probably goes something like -
Customer: “March”
SpazCat: types ‘m’ and hits enter
Customer: “18”
SpazCat: types ‘18’ and hits enter (computer autofills as 2018)
Customer: “2013”
SpazCat: (thinks ‘WTF?!’) fumbles to back up the cursor and erase the previous entry
Pretty much, except it’s all numbers so March would be 03.
I can’t tell: are you making fun of people who watch Two and a Half Men? Do I … do I need to slink off in shame now? 
This is only going to be funny to Dopers who are way too invested in the various ongoing mini-rants threads (waves at ShotFromGuns) but: there’s a can of Dr. Pepper in the breakroom freezer. Place your bets, ladies and gentlemen, place your bets. The top is juuuuuuust starting to bulge.
You know, I swear *Two and a Half Men *was funny at some point. Years ago, I saw an episode or two and it was hilarious. Then I tried watching it again, months or years later, and it was terrible.
:frenetic handwaving:
Also: Just drink the damn thing. When the person asks what happened to it, shrug and feign ignorance.
Naw, go pour it out on your boss’s front stoop. I hear Dr. Pepper makes marvelous impossible to see black ice.
Texas, BTW, gets no respect for how bad ice storms are down there. The ones I lived through really were like a one inch sheet of ice covering everything, including the interstate. Really fucking dangerous.
Me too! shudder
I’m going to guess 10 percent Tuesday ( the first Tuesday of each month) - we have that here and oh yes, it is full of seniors.
Lots of dopers hate it. Me, I’m indifferent. Though it was an opportunist joke, but no shame from me personally 
Bahahaha excellent. Do you know whose it is? I suggest going around taking a “joke” poll to see what everyone’s favorite soda is.
Yeah, I guess that the silver lining is that my husband has seriously messed up knees, so we have all manner of stuff like that around the house. Lidocaine patches are the bomb diggity. I haven’t sampled his fentanyl (sp?) patches, but I suspect I really don’t need to!
Oh, and that spelling bee that precluded going for an x-ray tonight? I find it less-than-amusing that the official invitation (from the county educators’ association) listed the date as “Monday, February 8, 2011.” It’s my own fault for not double checking, but when I received the invitation, I just plugged the date into my calendar, and paid no attention to the day of the week listed. I was far from happy when I rushed all the way across the county, to the school in the really sketchy part of town, only to discover that the county bee was last night. And the sobbing, disappointed 10-year-old broke my heart. (And? The winning word - spelled by the 8th-grader who won? “Brogan.” The Girl Child spelled it instantly.) My kids get more than a little tired of me telling them that life isn’t fair, and I let most things pass, but I’m going to raise holy hell about this one.
And it doesn’t really help my attitude that our wasted trip across town was punctuated by a punk who decided to Draw. a. gun. on. us. when I sped up to get ahead of him when the lanes were narrowing - after he rode in my blind spot, right beside the truck, for about 4 blocks. (BTW, if your penis substitutes are a .32 and a Ford Ranger? You are a sad, sad little man. And I will happily run you off the road if you try to intimidate me with either. Especially if you try that shit when I have my two little girls in the truck…))
As I mentioned, the whole city was in the grip of a sheet of frictionless ice, topped by ankle-deep snow. I did go for a walk in it, but I most certainly could NOT get any kind of exercise under those conditions.
Smartass.
I did, the last time I had headshots made, and WOW is that ever not a good look for me.