In a similar vein:
“My Black Skin Makes My White Coat Vanish”
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/12011019/site/newsweek/
Not exactly about being invisible, but rather about how firmly entrenched beliefs based on appearances and the expectations attached to them can be, and how frustrating it can be for people who don’t match that set of expectations.
An interesting book on the fat woman/invisibility issue:
The Invisible Woman - Confronting Weight Prejudice in America by W. Charisse Goodman
VCNJ~
Here is a picture of my family and me. I’m next to my brother, Eric. I have always struggled with my weight and I have a double chin I can’t get rid of. Part of why I feel unattractive is self induced: I rarely wear make-up and I keep my hair short so I don’t have to mess with it.
Also, I’m not very comfortable with my femininity, so I feel like a cross-dresser when I do dress up. Being “invisible”, while frustrating, feels more comfortable.
Wow, sorry about your predicament. Honestly, I don’t think most men mean any harm when they flirt with attractive women – they’re just showing natural interest and friendliness. I’m sure 95% of them would leave you alone if they knew how uncomfortable it made you feel. It’s that 5% that make the rest of us look bad. 
I know it’s obvious, but on the off chance anyone doesn’t know this …
No, I don’t think the woman in the OP is alone, nor is she the first person to feel this way.
Yeah, my sister is in medical school (also very tiny, also very young looking) and that attitude is her biggest problem with patients, and I’ve heard the same from many other short, female physicians (especially all my Asian & South Asian friends, almost all of whom are physicians). Among other things I’ve heard from my short, Asian doctor friends (and sister)
“You’re too short to be a doctor”
“A little girl like you can’t possibly be a doctor”
“Get me a real doctor, you’re too tiny”
“I want a real doctor, not another short Indian girl”
It’s a very good thing I decided to not go down the doctor route because as much as I’m for people being super-comfortable with their physicians (I really hate going to the doctor, too), I’d just be like “okay, go die or wait eleventeen more hours for a non-offending physician. I’m going to go out to Starfrocks and grab myself a Chillato.”
My sis told me very seriously that she’s thinking of doing her residency in psych if only because the more effed you are in the head, the less likely you are to notice your treating physician’s offending height (or lack thereof) and want of wattle.
You posted a link to a **much ** more attractive person than the one described, IMO. Beautiful smile, lovely eyes and your haircut fits your face very well. I do understand that self image is of utmost importance, but sometimes we judge ourselves much more harshly than others do. You don’t appear “butch” to me either - just a casually dressed chick in a photo with folks she loves.
Thanks jali! You made my day 
It is (all of the above) in my husband’s. I’m not fat, but he keeps trying to put the pounds on me, and I’m definitely not as thin (and therefore, in my own eyes, not as attractive) as when we got married. Which has affected my self-confidence, for sure.
…aand the man from “Unseen University” reads between the lines. That’s exactly the book that sparked this thread.
Right when I saw the link was to Amazon.com, I knew you got it.
It seems that a lot of females are answering to these queries. Any males want to come out of the woodwork?
Also, Mouse_Maven , you don’t look horribly overweight to me. Actually, you look comfortable and neat in your own skin. You can work for my Evil Empire any time.
gigi , I’ve never met anyone with a similar outlook on things. I’d ove for you to go into more detail, but of course, if you don’t, or don’t want to in such a public place, I completely understand.
For the record, Anne Neville , I agree with your estimation. Wanting sexual acceptance (in moderation, of course) isn’t bad at all. It can be argued that it’s perfectly normal. I’d also throw the stipulation in that age is a big factor in this. It seems that younger gals, or at least some of the ones I’ve messed around with, like getting attention, even though they’re spoken for. It seems like a cry for attention at times, and when you have two people subtly (or sometimes not so subtly) looking for similar stimulation through similar means, you get cattiness/conflict. Obviously, a line must be drawn why such attention is wanted/warranted and if it’s what you’re intending.
anu-la1979 , ever watch shows like ER or Law and Order and wonder how such beautiful people climb to such heights in their professions? That’s one of my big complaints with those shows. Too many beautiful people seeingly pushed into roles. I’m also sure that a female car salesperson (almost typed “salesman”) would bump into similar predicaments because some guys won’t think they’d know everything about the cars, or even worse, guys could think they’d come in and push her all around when it comes to hammering out a price.
I go through some of these problems from time to time. I’ve brought up that I’m going to graduate from college in May and get my English degree and promptly start my new and exciting career of serving french fries or being unemployed. It seems that careers also fit into the mold of expectations and invisibility. Being a young-looking, shortish white guy (5’7ish if that’s short to ya) also carries a few expectations with it as well. I like to mess with those expectations and give people something different than what they might expect form me at first glance. Additionally, I HATE mirrors and pictures of me. I have zero photos of me and I’ve even gone so far as to get rid of any that were around. Someone would probably look at me and assume that I’d be preoccupied with my appearance, when in actuality, it couldn’t be any further from the truth.
I’d also like to echojali 's statements. They put them better than I did in a short typing spree.
…I may have to bite the bullet and take a picture to have the Dopers have something they can hang on their dartboards. Yes, I kid.
Well, I said the treating-me-like-I-don’t-exist or “I need a real lawyer” attitude had to do with the fact that I’m young and short, not fugly (I look standard downtown yuppie) but maybe that does have something to do with the reception I’m getting. I’ll try a Trader Joe’s bag over my head with a few breathing holes cut in it and report back on whether that improved matters. “Judge me for me and not for being fugly…or having this bag on my head!!”
I’d think the opposite would be true. A prettier person would have to show they belong a little more. Then again, pretty people seem to get a lot more breaks and chances in various life exercises. Sounds like you don’t need a bag. You need a PR director.
I agree 98%.
I’m far bigger than most of the people posted to this thread (size 22, and a flabby 22 at that), I am a stay-at-home mom, I am getting close to middle age, I almost never wear makeup, I’m no longer “attractive” by any mass media sense of the word, but I am not invisible. I am talkative, can be loud (sometimes abrasive,) rather funny. I am a great leader - I can delegate well and create a sense of teamwork. I am a good listener, as well as a skilled speaker. I am a great mom. I am a very good bodyworker and healer. I have a “glowing inner spirit”, I’m told, which makes people naturally drawn to me. But I am not, I repeat, thin, fit, or “attractive.” Yet no matter what I do, I end up being asked to take a leadership position.
Can I be invisible when I want to? You bettcha. I just withdraw, and become dim. But it takes a lot of work. I’ll do it only when I really can’t stand to do otherwise (usually when I’m overworked and can’t stand the thought of leading another team.)
Am I fending off sexual advances the same way I did when I was younger and thinner? Well, no. That’s mostly alright with me for the moment, as I have zero libido. That may change soon, and I’d like to get some weight off for that reason. OTOH, some men really do, honest-to-goodness, like fat women. I’m going out for drinks with a man this weekend who finds me very, very attractive, sexually and otherwise. Since I’m not sexually attracted to myself right now, it took me a while to believe him. By the way, the list in the previous paragraph came from him. Those are the things he told me he was attracted to as well as my ample hips! As the latest masturbation thread says, “Remember that you are somebody’s fetish!”
I had many more problems being invisible when I was younger. As a pretty young woman managing a retail store, I had at least one customer a night refuse to speak to me and speak to my male subordinates instead, sometimes literally over my head.
Would you say that it’s age over looks when it comes to having more invisibility? (or less visibility…half full, half empty…whatever. drink the fucking water.
Well, I wasn’t trying to draw larger conclusions, only answering from my personal experience. But I’d say invisibility is due to (to use astro’s term) “passive” personality over anything, then increased age, then decreased looks - for women. I’d posit that men become less invisible as they age, and women become more invisible as they age. But this is all broad-brushy. I think a MILF with the personality of a tuna will be very visible in certain situations, sure.
But, like astro, I get annoyed with teeth-knashing and wailing of fat women who claim they’re overlooked 'cause they’re fat. Sure, we may have fewer sexual opportunities, but in other areas of my life, I’ve not been made invisible because of my weight. People are drawn to me because of my very vibrant and positive personality.
(And my humility, of course!)
I’ll second that. It sounds like you’re way too hard on yourself, Mouse_Maven.
Mouse: I think you are totally cute. The first thing I thought when I saw you is that you have a really cute figure. I don’t think you look overweight at all. And you have a very pretty face, and your haircut is really cute.
I know what you mean about the double chin though. I recently lost a bunch of weight and am now actually bordering on skinny, but I still have the remnant of my double chin, and I absolutely HATE it! <sigh>
Of course. I wouldn’t want to put words in your mouth anyways. You had the benefit of the doubt.
It’s okay. We’ll still keep you.
I’m beginning to think we need to have a giant picture thread of Dopers.
