Fictional characters you could just slap the sh-t out of

I know we’ve done Who do you think is the coolest or most interesting fictional character ever?, and Fictional characters you have wanted to date. Now I’m wondering what fictional characters have had a line, attitude, or overall character that made you want to leap into the show and slap them silly.

Apologies if we’ve already done this and I missed it.

I thought of this as Risky Business popped up as I was channel surfing… and I remembered Joel talking to his friend Miles, played by Curtis Armstrong (who would go on to be “Booger” in the Nerds pics and Herbert Viola in Moonlighting). Joel is pointing out that, on Miles’ advice, he’s done things that have now got him in deep trouble, and he’s asking for Miles’ help. Miles refuses, and Joel points out: “Hey, what about all that ‘What the fuck’ stuff you were telling me? Was that true, or was that just bullshit?”

Miles calmly replies, “That was just bullshit, Joel.”

The movie’s 20 years old, and I still feel like slapping Miles repeatedly.

  • Rick

What a good thread this would be if the title were spelled correctly.


[sub](thread title fixed by the Genie of the Lamp)[/sub]

Every time I rewatch The Jewel in the Crown, I want to kill the villain. I have repressed his name.

Every time I read a Wheel of Time book I feel like slapping the hell out of almost every character in that book. Except for the former leader of the White Cloaks. He’s the only, scratch that he was the only, character in the book who had his shit together and knew what he was doing.


Heathcliff and Catherine. Won’t read Wuthering Heights again.

Or for that matter, Tess or Madame Bovary for the same reasons.

She isn’t fictional, but every time I read a biography of Mary, Queen of Scots I want to slap the shit out of her and scream “Grow up and catch the clue bus- You Twiddlepated Stupid Twit!”

In terms of movies there are too many of them to count.

Due to lack of reading material at home I am at present, in pure desperation, reading Elisabeth Georges crime novels. Linley is a complete prick, I want to run him over in his car.

Dangerosa, when you’re done with Heathcliff and Catherine, can I have a turn? I chose to read an in-flight magazine on a cross-country flight rather than put up with more of their stupidity.

I’ll also throw in a vote for Dana from Sports Night. She’s got a gorgeous, funny, caring man hopelessly in love with her (did I mention gorgeous?) and all she can do is dither. If she doesn’t want him, I’ll take him!


Thomas Covenant the Unbeliever.

It’s unbelievable how much I want to smack him one. Ruined an entire cool fantasy world for me.

Whiny little git.

Dr. Frankenstein
From the book by Mary Shelly.
Hated him. Hated everything about him. Pinhead!

Ignatius from Confederacy of Dunces

Also, the storm trooper in Star Wars who pops up out of nowhere with this frickin’ ring and says “Look sir, droids.” He has always bugged me

Anyone else want to slap everyone from Absolutely Fabulous?

I just finished reading a book called Lucy Sullivan is Getting Married by Marian Keyes, and I’ve never wanted to slap a main character so badly. She is so DELIBERATELY clueless.

Warning: Anime Nerd Post Ahead

I recently finished watching Love Hina, and although the series as a whole was a lot of fun and well done I have never before encountered characters I wanted to slap quite so badly as the two romantic leads Naru Narusegawa and Keitaro Urashima.

Naru deserves a good slapping just for being the iconic unflattering stereotype of a terrible girlfriend; selfish, mercurial, and emotionally blackmailing. To be fair, towards the beginning of the series those traits were either less emphasized or simply not written (it’s an anime, not exactly the high point of fine television writing). By the final episodes of the series she is without question one of the most unlikeable characters I’ve ever seen in a comedy.

Keitaro’s primary problem, like many anime leads, is that he has no strength of character. His spine is made of jello, and not the good, bouncy, finger food jello either. He’s almost completely passive, being little more than a blank observer to the events that happen around him. Oh, and he’s also attracted to Naru.

Really? I was always slightly sympathetic to Madame Bovary… too young to really know what she was getting into, and unable to cope with her feelings well. Yes, foolish decisions… but not a slappable fool.

Ah, well.

  • Rick

draco malfoy in the harry potter books.

narcissistic, spoiled, pompous little BRAT!!!

…and his father too

Several of the characters in Shakespeare’s tragedies: there’d be a lot less misery and death if only they weren’t such dumbasses. But then I guess there’d be no play.

Romeo and Juliet, at least, are teenagers, but King Lear for example has no such excuse.

cjhoworth and Dangerosa , add me to the Heathcliff list. You both hold him, I’ll hit him. But can we do it before the whole puppy incident? Please?

Don’t forget Hamlet.

Every sweet, lisping, cutesy wittle girl in any George Elliot novel.

Speaking in my capacity as an SF nut: Nicholas “Mr Whiny” Seafort, from David Feintuch’s novels. The trouble is, he’d be moaning on about how much he deserves worse in between slaps.

Adam Trask in Steinbeck’s East of Eden.
Ten years pining over some bitch who shoots you and runs off to be a prostitute? Get over it, man. Please.