Appendix.
A part of the body, but quite useless. Just waiting to go bad, cause major problems, and needing to be removed.
Need something lifted? Is it incredibly awkward? Is it also 30 degrees outside? Have you misplaced my shoes?
Then I’m your guy.
Want an argument? Feel sure your viewpoint is inerrant?
Then I’m your guy.
Need to be driven somewhere?
Then I’m your guy.
Are you trying, without luck, to find something online?
Then I’m your guy.
example
“look what happens if you don’t drive carefully”
“look how hard it was for your big brother to learn how to study, you’d better start now”
…the joys of being first born I guess huh?
Comeback Queen/Smart Ass
Anytime something asinine is said, all eyes turn to me.
Washington Insider
Got a problem with the government? Then come to your 17-year-old grandson/nephew, cousin, etc because he interned for six weeks in Washington. Hence, if you want to pay fewer taxes, get a zoning permit, or any other thing that requires somebody in the public sector’s approval, you come to me. No, I am not kidding.
This may sound silly, but I’m the Official Necklace-Untangler. My mom, grandma, and cousins all save the necklace chains that they somehow tangled up for when I come over. I can undo anything in less than five minutes, as long as I have a needle.
… And to my cousins’ little kids, I’m the Official Cool Older Cousin Who Lets Us Stay Up Late and Braid Her Hair. I’m indispensable, y’know. 