Firesign Theatre Appreciation Thread

I’m cruising the web on Thursday, seeking enlightenment when a friend’s website pops up the following on a ‘humor and quotations’ page:

Those dastardly comedians – Proctor & Bergman. They continue to haunt my life! In the last episode, I was walking across Boston Commons when a troop of four guys passes me doing the entire dialogue of the album “How Can You Be in Two Places at Once When You’re Not Anywhere at All.” I was too stunned to jump into the interaction.

For the unenlightened, Firesign Theatre is an LA radio comedy group that started in the late Sixties (!) with fast-paced comedy. They have a Firesign Theatre website with excerpts from albums and excellent spoofs of commercials. The aforementioned album has a mock Soviet poster on its cover that says, “All Hail Marx and Lennon,” with pictures of Groucho and John.

Shoes for industry!

I think we’re all Bozos on this bus.

My mother was a Bozo-ette in high school!

My brother had all the L.P.'s, I only got hooked on Nick Danger. Where else would you get gems like this?

No! Put down that pickel!

Nick: “Now you spill the beans or I’ll blow her brains out.”
Catherwood: “I think your bluffing flatfoot.”
Catherwood: “No you weren’t bluffing.”


Nancy: “I feel faint. The whole world is spinning.”
Nick: “Why, that’s lucky for us, Nancy. If it were flat all the Chinese would fall off.”
Nancy: “Oooohhhhh”
Nick: “Why, she’s no fun. She fell right over”

I almost posted Bear Whiz Beer 5 Cents to this thread.

I know! Let’s stand him on his head.

So take a tip from a cop who does …

Hippy Republic of China

::smek, smek, smek, smek, smek, smek, smek::

Oh Nickie, oh Nickie…

::smek, smek, smek, smek, smek, smek, smek::

Oh Nickie, oh Nickie…

::smek, smek, smek, smek, smek, smek, smek::

Nickie? Are…

::smek, smek, smek, smek, smek, smek, smek::

Oh Nickie, are you all right?

::smek, smek, smek, smek, smek, smek, smek::


::smek, smek, smek, smek, smek, smek, smek::

Yes, Nancy…

::smek, smek, smek, smek, smek, smek, smek::

I’m all right.

::smek, smek, smek, smek, smek, smek, smek::


Do you promise to covet property, propriety, plurality, surety, security, and not hurt the state, say “what?”

Lets practice being Soviet shooters, on our family game computers!

Brother Rat picked up the line:

Then it’s “thud” and ‘Bill,’ in a WC Fields voice says:

If Soundworks can do a Shrek or a Harry Potter, then surely the theatre of the absurd would be worth doing. The dialogue’s only about an hour; with visual setups a 90-minute movie would be perfect. It’d come with instant audience participation, just like ‘The Rocky Horror Picture Show.’

Now back on the freeway, which is already in progress.


Actually, that line was stolen from a Maine comedy duo named Bert and I.

Hey, Joe! Who won the seconda world war, you so smart?

Blooklynn Dojahs!


They just had a question on “Wait! Wait! Don’t tell me.” (the NPR news quiz) about the last episode of a certain children’s show. The guy didn’t know who it was until one of the panelists gave him a hint, “I think we’re all _____ on this bus.”

“Everything you know is WRONG!”

Not responsible!

Park and lock it!

In other news, final steps were taken in or near Washington to secure the merger of the U.S. government with TMZ General Corp. This former zinc bushing…

I would love to see the movie J-Men Forever that they did in 1979/1980. That was some hysterically funny shit.

TNX to Hastur. Now the chances of the local Hollywood Video or Blockbuster having it?

RTFirefly – I’m not sure where that line comes from but there’s a sequence in “How Can You Be Two Places at Once”
where the late-night TV benediction is being delivered:

“Knight us with oil on troubled waters,
Oh heavenly grid, help us bear up thy Standard,
Our Chevron flashing bright across the Gulf of compromise.
Standing Humble on the rich field of Mobil American thinking,
Here in this Shell we call life.”

I got to see “Nick Danger in the Case of the Missing Yolk”

IMDB gives it 9 out of 10. Showed it to my college friends in 1992. NOBODY got it. Room was silent. I thought and still do think that it was hilarious. The IDBM tagline reads “Welcome to the Future suckers!.” BTW they list 5 other movies with Phil Austin in it. Eat or be Eaten, Nick Danger, Below the Belt, Everything you know is Wrong and Martian Space Party.
nuther good line from 2places@once (which now that I think about, I want for me e-mail addy.
“The pyramid is opening!”
“Which one?”
“The one with the ever widening hole in it.”

Apropos to the crowd at PLD’s band’s gig last night:

I thought maybe I’d go out and find a bunch of guys who dress alike and follow them around!

Mooney: I remember it well. My quote was from early in Don’t Crush That Dwarf, when George is changing channels, a few clicks before he tunes into Pastor Rod Flash feeding his flock. :wink:

brother rat: Say, aren’t you Mr. and Mrs. John Smith from Anytown, U.S.A.?